Run No. 1004

Date:               7 December 2001

Where:             Bukit Brown Cemetery, Sime Road

Occasion:      The venerable Bully’s birthday (with Birds)

Hares:             Bully and Phoney Dick

Members:        44

Guests:            12 (again) 

- Returnees :       0         

- Visitors :           2         

- Virgins :            1

I missed the run, entertaining a stopover guest from Brunei at the time, but we had a run from the same location on Wednesday – and so did the Monday and Tuesday hashes, which must be some sort of first. Maybe it’s just the beginning of the end as the runnable places on the island get fewer and fewer – next decade every single run will start at Macritchie or Upper Peirce Reservoir and we’ll all be tripping over each other’s paper.

The Christmas holidays and the Kampong Hash’s Batam weekend had taken their toll, so it was a fairly modest circle that Frontarse called together and everyone seemed so well behaved that it looked as thought the ice would be thoroughly redundant. The circle intoned -in somewhat subdued manner - that it had been a good run, Bully announced the on on at the new Lakeview, and things only begin to liven up when he added that the first jug of beer on each table would be free.

Next week’s hares are Mini Humper and Suzee Wong, and the venue is Ponggol Marina.

No visitors, and only one solitary virgin, Isobel.

Coo Chi Coo decided things needed a bit of a boost so he hove into the circle wearing a huge, fluffy, blue wig. No one seemed to notice. He said he had no idea why he was wearing it and suggested that it might be what Molly wears on “kinky nights” with Bully. (Trust him to lower the tone of the occasion. – Ed.) Exactly. Because actually he was a messenger from the absent Molly giving Bully his birthday present. He was supposed to get himself some golf clubs but he forgot, so was presented with a toy set to remind him. He then donned the wig and was presented with the traditional candle-bedecked cake (Can you “bedeck” with one candle? – Ed.) made by Molly’s fair hands. Bully was so delighted by all of this that he couldn’t stop wittering on when he got back to the circle, quite putting Frontarse off his procedural stroke, so Bully and Running Shit finally found some use for the ice.

Moving swiftly along, it was time for the Mystery Whip. Slocum waltzed in to call in Isobel and Craig. Craig had been trying to chat up Isobel and kept asking her where she was from - obviously couldn’t recognise an Asian when he saw one. Well, I lost a lot of this here as the GM was making a lot of noise larking around with the blue wig.

And Isobel made the second charge as well – obviously Slocum had his eyes on her. The GM had advised her at the beginning of the run that she should stick with CCC to avoid getting lost. Anyway, she did get lost but was rescued by a “tall guy”. This obviously wasn’t CCC as for the second successive week he was lost in the long grass again.

And Slocum had an enquiry about how people get their hash names. Normally it is lost in the mists of time but sometimes people work hard living up to them. He was running behind Stuffy when the guy behind them gave a strangled cry and sprawled face first in a ditch. Guess who? Ditch, of course.

Time for the Mystery Mystery Whip. Typical. It was Ditch. He immediately called back Slocum for his obscene bathing performance after the run, but refused to give any details so I’ll have to leave it to my – and your – imagination. Well, perhaps not. Let’s not go there…

Ditch then charged the GM for only asking him to whip on the run in. So that’s why he only had two charges.

As Astronut remarked, it was now only seven minutes past eight, the circle was dying on its feet, and no one even seemed too interested in the beer.

Frontarse now had an award – this was for Suzee Wong who had completed 100 runs and was awarded with a tankard.

Now it was time for AOB. Everyone looked at everyone else. Someone cleared his throat in the silence. This was about to become the shortest circle on record. But Frontarse “came” to the rescue. Or perhaps I shouldn’t use that word, considering what the charge was about. You have to go back to lasts week’s report and my unwise questioning of a marathon runner about when he had “arrived”. Frontarse wove this into a story concerning research that having sex is like running 5km so marathon runners must “arrive” eight times in their 42 kms. So how come I did notice and had to ask? Comes Alone was the marathon runner in question and joined your hapless scribe for punishment.

I think a few people had noticed the blatant advert in the Straits Times with a pair of boobs over which was the line “Tits. The season to be merry.” My suggestion was that Coo Chi Coo had now got a job in the advertising section of the paper and this is the first example of his new, subtle, sophisticated style. His suggestion was that they got the line wrong – if they’d put “Tits. The reason to be merry” they could use it all year long…

Phoney Dick came in to announce that he is chairing the Dinner and Dance Committee and invited people to join him for a meeting on Thursday – no – Wednesday – or was it Thursday art Walla Walla’s. Any offers of help gratefully received.

And that was it – short and sweet – well, short, anyway. And the on on at the Lakeview was actually very well attended considering the small circle. I, of course, was plagued by the barmy, toothless, ancient potboy who seems to be my greatest (Make that only. – Ed.) – you shut up – admirer in Singapore. Anyway, the reticence at the circle was made up for by the liveliness of the on on with a few of the usual suspects even ending up at Anywhere. Thanks for the evening, hares, and a special thanks to Molly for her delicious cake!

On On!

Black Widow

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