The New Committee Run
Run: 1295.
Date: 11.05.2007.
Hares: Peeking Ong, Chicken Shit, and the rest of the ladies of the Committee.
Location: Jalan Lam Sam
The Run: A 5.8 km all off-road trail, jungle and mud-mountain climb. Yodeling could be heard from on-high as hashers proved that camouflage clothing is ineffective since the military training did NOT go unnoticed. Front runners home in 50 minutes.
The Verdict: “Great Run!” Of course…, it was a COMMITTEE run!
Virgins: none
6 Visitors: Knocked-up from the Aloha hash, Morag, Legless, Floral Shit and Kathy
Returnees: BA
Next week’s Hares: Machine and G-String. Check the hareline for details: http://lioncityhash.com/rhl.htm
Grand-Master Prelude: At precisely 7:53 p.m. Armless called the circle by electrocuting Peeking Ong with his newest bell. Our GM has gone high-tech… and some pre-school is missing its fire alarm! I assure you the bell is red, inspite of Sybil’s insistance that it is: “green – green – green”. It is amazing that Armless had time to find a new bell with all of the committee work on his plate. Has he mentioned it to you? Don’t worry. He will!
Armless called for the hares stating that rating the run isn’t necessary since ALL committee runs are good runs. Maybe he has that confused with the saying that ALL Germans are ??? ON-IN Peeking Ong and Chicken Shit. Good run! Here’s to the hares they’re true blue…
At this point, an angry GM dragged our inconsiderate Hash Cash into the circle for talking on his cell phone. Only in office for a week and already he’s ordering delivery of his new car! Armless obviously wanted to set the tone (not the dial tone) for the new Committee. Phones will not be tolerated. He smashed Astronut’s phone to pieces in the middle of the circle. I was thinking about bringing my lap-top to the circle to directly type the run reports, but you can forget about that now!
Awards: Slocum 250 runs, Astronut 450 runs, Phoney Dick 550 runs, Wonton 300 Runs. Why were they born so beautiful? Astronut’s shirt had 250 runs printed on it. Hash Cash is always getting his numbers mixed up!
Hare Whip: Peeking Ong
All of the ladies of the committee were called in despite the disappointment of Sybil who comes to the hash for the men. Peeking Ong thought Big Head’s original suggestion of a run set by the ladies of the new committee was a good one. So why, he wonders, was he the only one to do any work for the run? When Big Head began to protest Peeking Ong haughtily shot her down with a forceful: “Who laid the hill?! Can you tell me that?!” . Hmmm…? If the ladies of the committee couldn’t lay a hill, we doubt that Ken could. Fukc the mountain! Armless didn’t even think the hills were capable of fellatio. If they were, he would run them more often! Give them ALL a note!
Mystery Whip: Ugly Bum
The ever-sensitive Ugly Bum stated concern that there had been many offended, former committee members on this night’s run. While on-trail, she greeted Shoe Shopper with a cheery: “Hello Committee Member”. Shoe Shopper said: “Oh, don’t call me that.” “Obviously”, noted Ugly Bum, “Shoe Shopper prefered the title: Grand Matress”. Next on her list of offended members was Shaggy Dick Too. While at a T-check, Ugly Bum asked him: “How’s it hanging?” He stated that he didn’t really know, but some inconsiderate person piped up saying: “Well I do!” Hey! We don’t kiss and tell on the Hash! Ugly Bum was really worried about Astronut having the wrong number printed on his award shirt and of course, let us not forget Sharon Batu in her hashbrew apron. When Sharon lamented the fact that the knickers on the apron looked a bit too baggy, Poser suggested that she pad the top! Where is the love?!
Ugly Bum shifted gears and expressed her pleasure with tonight’s run. Her only complaint was the dirty state in which it left her shoes. While explaining the arduous process of cleaning her shoes, a more practical member suggested that she just throw them in the washing machine. Ugly Bum asked about the germs and bacteria that would remain in the machine afterwards. She didn’t want any of that to end up in her knickers. This practical shoe washer stated: “Oh, I don’t worry about that. My wife doesn’t wear knickers.” On in Little John!
Ugly Bum related that she’d had a hard week dealing with an irritable husband who was told by the doctor not to run for health reasons. But what really got him cranky was Magoo’s advice that Ad Naseum quit complaining about runs since he never follows the trail anyway! On in Magoo for making Ugly Bum’s husband grumpy!
Finally, Ugly Bum raised a few eyebrows while strattling a fallen log on trail. One was overheard saying: “Probably the widest her legs have been spread for a long time!” She fervently denies the validity of this claim which led Fag Sucker to say: “In any case, it would take SUPER VIAGRA to give you any chance with Ad Naseum!” How rude! Give him a down-down! And one for our wonderful Mystery Whip as well!
Mystery-Mystery Whip: Blood Shit
Blood Shit is disturbed by the changes in the culture of the Hash. It used to be about fun and friendship. Now, athletes are putting training before the run. One hasher even opted-out of scaling the muddy mountain stating that she had spent too much time working-out in the gym before the run so she didn’t have the energy. On-In Sybil! Run the fukcing hash!
Global warming and environmental pollution was also weighing heavily on Blood Shit’s mind. It was for this reason that he called in Armless for uncontrolled gaseous emmissions. Perhaps he was trying to propell himself up the muddy mountain with rocket power. Here’s to farter, he’s true blue…
Prick of the Week: Pussy Galore
Armless called in Pussy Galore to ask for a status report concerning the prick. He just wanted to make sure that she knew that it wasn’t a gift and that she had to bring it back, preferably washed. Four weeks is a long time to keep the prick but four weeks without it is even longer.
Your new Committee:
Was called in for a down-down. Visit them on-line at: http://lioncityhash.com/comm.htm
AOB:
Ripper calls in Indecent Exposure for stating that the log she was strattling on trail was the biggest thing that she’d had between her legs for weeks. What was bigger weeks ago? Surely not Armless!
Deceased calls in Shaggy Dick Too for allowing the Saturday A.G.M. run report to make it to press before the previous Friday run. Shaggy Dick Too wasn’t really to blame, but he gladly accepted the punishment. “Another drink? Why not?”
Magoo calls in Peeking Ong for claiming to have done all of the work setting the run. “Impossible!” claims Magoo. “There were cobwebs at eye level on the trail. It could only have been set by Chicken Shit!”
Cock Radio calls in the hares. Czecloslovakia doesn’t even exist anymore, so how can you expect him to wear a sign around his neck at the top of muddy mountain that says: “Hold the Czech?!”
Not Tonight calls in Croc O’Shit for having incorrectly written in last Saturday’s run report that no one saw Shaggy Dick Too’s 3 ½ inch floppy when he mooned the circle. “Untrue! I saw it all!” she said.
Shoe Shopper calls in Shaggy Dick Too in order to set the record straight once and for all. It’s not a 3 ½ inch floppy. She exagrated. It’s more like a USB Key.
Poser was invited into the circle by Armless and introduced as the chair of the 25th Annual Lion City Dinner and Dance that will be held at the Tanglin Club on Novermber 24th, 2007. She will be seeking your assistance! Let’s give her our help, as well as a note!
Circle Closes at 8:44 p.m.
On-On: CHOON SENG HNG RESTAURANT a.k.a. Khek Family
On-On: Croc O’Shit