The Run:  A creative use of industrial roads, run-off jungle and gravel track was waiting for Lion City Hashers as they headed south up the hill from the rendez-vous site on Tagore Drive.  After weaving through the warehouses, runners headed down some steps towards the Teachers’ Estate, across a drainage canal and into a grassy area where the first challenging check awaited.  Runners fanned out or sat on their asses and fanned themselves.  Finally, the trail was picked up on the backside of the houses along the woods.  Down a slope, across a stream and into the jungle that at times is infested with clandestine workers.  Comments like:  “It can’t be that way!” were often heard.  But yes… It WAS that way.  Once out of the first patch of jungle runners found themselves close to the start of the run.  Those staying on trail were lead back into the traditional Tagore Drive area with its wide, gravel path.  The next big check had some hashers running in the wrong direction.  Luckily the hare was there to set runners straight.  Damn you Potato Head!  Around the gravel track, across the stream and along the big drainage canal went the pack.  Another check tempted searchers into the tunnel under the expressway, but alas the trail followed the road and eventually dumped back onto the gravel track.  From there, it was back into the woods until the true long-short split.  Long runners were treated to some late run jungle checking followed by two kilometers of murderous hills before making it back to the beer wagon.  I have no idea how long it took front runners but this runner did the 4.44 miles (7.1 kilometers) in 01:05:00.

Circle began at 20:13 p.m.

Grandmaster Armless called in Knickerless, Eleven and Poser asking for their help in giving the International Observers surrounding our circle something really good to look at.  Once their tops were removed, the circle got underwear  underway.

Hares:  Astronut and Poser were brought in and had to listen to a good two minutes of jeers and complaints.  Not enough cowbell, too much jungle, just the right amount of moisture!  It was all an act however as the run was a very good run!

Next week’s run:  Phoney Dick announced that the Boy’s of January run will start from the International Business Park Car Park off of Boon Lay, near the German Center.  If you can’t find it call Armless, Machine, Cherry Picker, Pussy Lifter and even visitor Woodpecker.  Zay vil help ju fine deet.

http://www.germancentre.com.sg/files/en/070904_mapofjurong.pdf

Visitors:  Colin K., Isako, Michelle S., Jenna, Rik, Michelle (Rottweiller’s parents), Kannot Kan, Woodpecker, Alan, Dr. Lars, Dilya, Fergus, Penile Extension and Wanker.

Returnees:  Bagless, King Leer, and Wee Willy

Harewhip:  Astronut called in King Leer for living up to his lecherous namesake even after all of these years.  King was too busy Leering to realize that he’d been called in.  He’s not losing his leering…, just his hearing.  Next in was Mr. Potato Head look-a-like Shiggy Piggy.  It’s no wonder that Potato f*cked off early.  He wanted to avoid punishment for messing up Poser’s short run.  Potato Head on the short run?!  Lastly Wee Willy was brought in.  He had invited his son to the Lion City Hash.  When he reached the long-short split, he was overheard telling him:  “Don’t feel bad if you want to do the short run.  It’s ok!”  His son was heard replying:  “No Dad, I want to do the long run.”  Again, Wee Willy insisted:  “No, really son, maybe you should do the short!”  It was obvious that Wee Willy was prepared to use even his own son as an excuse to go short! 

As the punished ones made their way back to the outer ring, Armless called Wee Willy back.  It seems when Wee Willy was Grandmaster many moons ago, he gave Armless his hash name.  The German wanted to know how he could have done such a good job bestowing a name like Armless just to mess up bad by giving his own son the name Fergus!  Armless theorized that it must have been after a football match with Alan Ferguson.  I guess he’s lucky his father wasn’t a fan of German football!

Mystery Whip: 

Cherry Picker made his way through the meandering Canadians to find his proper spot in the circle as Mystery Whip.  He made no secret of his disillusionment and disappointment with Lion City.  Last week, he brought his virgin, baby brother to the hash.  For some reason, Cherry Picker thought LCH³ was a family-friendly club.  He thought his brother would be welcomed with open arms.  In the end, he was wrong.  The major offenders were brought into the circle.  1)  Boo, for getting him drunk:  “One German Drinks, ALL Germans drink!”  2)  Strapless, for making him do the full-monty in the circle.  3)  Not Tonight for asking him if he was gay.  4)  Big Head, for promising him that she’d burst his cherry in the circle.  When Cherry Pickers brother finally got to airport that Friday after the hash he was drunk, embarrassed, insulted and heartbroken thanks to LCH³.

               Next, Cherry picker called in Circle Jerk and Eleven.  He wasn’t quite sure where they had disappeared to.  It turns out they were in Koh Samui, Thailand for the holidays.  In fact, on one of the days, Circle Jerk was flat on his back in the hospital.  It must have been from too much sex.  Cherry Picker thought that he would see the couple once they returned from vacation and went to the hash but he was mistaken.  He saw them swinging from trees in the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve a couple of days ago!  Give the oversexed Tarzan and Jane a note!

               Cherry Picker admitted that when he first joined Lion City, Armless came right at him and asked him to whip.  He used his newness as an excuse to get out of it.  Then, after Armless’ speech at the D&D about how hard it was to get people to whip, he knew his days were numbered.  He tried protect himself by never being alone with Armless.  He also kept an eye on him during the circles when Armless  had a tendency to walk behind people, pull them aside and corner them into the whipping role.  When Cherry Picker would see Armless coming from one direction, he’d go refill his beer in the other direction.  In spite of these numerous precautions, Cherry Picker finally got nailed.  His excuse being that he must have gotten too drunk.  Being roped into the whipping made him so nervous that Armless told him not to worry and promised that he would offer the new German whip special help.  Well…,  Cherry Picker was still wondering when and in what  form this “help” would arrive.  On in Armless for all of his “help”.

               Cherry Picker finally decided that it was time to point out the lack of communication skills on the runs.  He was under the impression that frontrunners were supposed to yell:  “On-On!” when they found signs of the trail.  Unfortunately, on this night’s run, he only heard ON-ON called about 10 times, and 9 of them were from him.  This doesn’t mean the runners are silent.  They say all sorts of things like:  “Trip!”, “Heads!”, “Swing Back!”, “Hole!”  For Cherry Picker, these calls aren’t as good as a traditional ON-ON call, but they’re acceptable.  However, Siquaman was heard calling:  “UNEVEN GROUND!”  Give that man an uneven  down-down!

Mystery Mystery Whip: 

               Wonton pointed out that LCH³ is quite famous for its members’ elaborate showering systems.  Woodpecker, a visiting German felt compelled to take a picture of Peeking Ong’s BMW shower (Berlin Motor Waterworks).  This is nothing new for us!  However, there is one hasher who needed to upgrade her system.  Indecent Exposure had been seen drying her hair with a Japanese, hand-held Geisha fan!  Wonton decided to offer her a battery operated fan to bring her into the 21^st century!

               Wonton told Lion City about one hasher who for New Years Eve 2006-2007 spent a lot of time and money buying a black necktie to attend an even at a prestigious club with a dress code indication of “Black-tie”.  Of course, when he got there, he was the only one not wearing a tuxedo.  After this experience he vowed not to return to that club.  This year’s 2007-2008 New Year’s celebration was to be at a different club where there was no mention of ties at all on the invitation.  He went to the party with NO tie and once again found that he was the only man not wearing a tuxedo!  On in Machine for still having trouble dealing with the intricacies of the English language.

               Machine wasn’t the only hasher having trouble on New Year’s Eve.  Poser lost a diamond studded earring and had every hasher in the club looking for it on their hands and knees for twenty minutes before she finally found it neatly nestled in her cleavage.  You didn’t see Indecent Exposure’s chair in there too, did you?

Grand Mistress Big Head highlighted some of the major events of 2007:  1300^th run, 25^th Anniversary run, as well as the 25^th Anniversary Silver Jubilee Dinner and Dance.  Many people contributed time and money to make these events go well.  On in King Leer who contributed $250 for a keg and wasn’t even in Singapore to help drink it!  Give him a note, and a shirt!  OFF, OFF, ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Prick of the Week:  This award must have changed its name to Prick of the MONTH.  Peeking Ong had been entertaining guests with the prick for four weeks but all good things must come to an end.  It seems while Peeking Ong was trying to get a phone number from one of the more lovely visitors, he got shot down.  Ken’s no stranger to this, but he didn’t expect the shower of beer spurting from Bagless’ nose who couldn’t contain himself when witnessing Peeking’s embarrassing disappointment.  Give that man the prick!  He’ll be sure to bring it back at next year’s recovery run!

Any Other Business?  (AOB):

Ditch tried to help a visitor who was having trouble opening the boot of her car.  When it became evident that the key wasn’t working, Ditch started to suspect that she might have the wrong car.  To verify, he suggested that she try opening one of the doors instead.  It turns out that they weren’t even locked and her things were in the backseat.  She didn’t even need to open the boot.  Too bad I can’t remember who she was.

Coo Chi Coo shared Vibrator’s words of wisdom concerning Machine’s search for a black tie.  They are very hard to come by.  Vibrator spent three nights in Orchard Towers and didn’t even find ONE black Thai.

Not Tonight brought in visiting Michelle and Jenna to have them reenact the tree straddle that they had performed on trail.  Experienced hashers would know not to trust a rotten tree on a muddy slope.  Then again, maybe they had meant to do that straddle.

Indecent Exposure called in Slack Arse who was the last one to see her chair.  He used it while taking notes to write the previous week’s circle report.  Now, the chair AND the circle report are missing!

Kannot Kan calls Indecent Exposure into the circle and gives her a down-down for not taking Slack Arse’s name into consideration when wondering what happened to her chair.  And the run report…?  If it ever comes out, we’ll know why it stinks!

Someone else, (sorry I forget who) called Indecent Exposure back into the circle for not collecting ALL of the guest fees.  There were at least 30 foreign workers observing the circle…  FOR FREE!

Armless called Woodpecker into the circle because the ladies opposite him in the circle were wondering if he had a banana in his Spandex® shorts, or if he was just happy to see them.  It turns out that it was his camera.  Hard to get a good shot from that angle.  But wait!  There were also car keys, spare socks, a ringing hand-phone and a Thai foreign worker in there too.

At this point Penile extension came in talking about being S&M director for something.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t speaking German so now one really knew what he was talking about.

Loose Change gave a plug for K9 Dash #72.  For more info on that, you can visit:  http://www.doghash.com/

The circle ended at 21:12

On-On Causarina Road

Scribed by Croc O’Shit

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