At five minutes before the start of the run, the sizeable Lion City turnout was enjoying some of the finest weather one can have in Singapore.  Excitement was in the air.  With four Boys of January and a sum total of 234 years of life experience among them, this was bound to be one of the best runs in the history of hashing!  Never mind the Germans complaining that the start of the run wasn’t exactly from the German Center Car Park.  Runners left the car park, going directly down into a steep ravine then headed west just to go up the other side and redirected east down the old Malaysian railway line.  There was a check over the road but then runners eventually figured out that they had to keep “on-track” and cross all three of the rickety railroad bridges until finally making it across the river, or canal, or big drain, or whatever that was.  At this point, the perfect Singapore weather had truly disappeared.  Rain was falling in sheets, washing away chalk, paper and flour.  This magnificently laid trail became hard to follow due to the sheer volume of water falling between runners’ eyes.  The paper and flour resembled pancake batter if it was to be found at all.  Somehow runners found their way back and were faced with one last decision:  To swim, or not to swim?!  A swift current made the swim across the drain quite a challenge.  Women were crawling while men were breast stroking.  There was even one “in-water” rescue.  Ok….  If not the best run of all time, maybe the wettest!

The circle was formed at 8:05 p.m. after Goodie Bag got off the phone.

Hares:  Armless raved about the merit of the day’s run (GOOD RUN) and called in the hares to congratulate them.  Phoney Dick, Malfunction, Croc O’Shit and the spirit of Gecko entered the circle and drank to their own health.  A head-count was made for the on-on.  Thirty-five people raised their hands.  Sixty people showed up at the on-on.  C’mon!  Pay attention next time people!  J

Next week’s hares:  Bloodshit and Double-Back will lay a run that will start from Lower-Pierce Reservoir Car Park.  Please don’t feed the monkeys.  You may feed the scribe, however.

Virgins:  Brian, Hazel, Maureen, Glenn and Michael got wet in a special way for the first time this day.

Visitors:  Penile Extension, Kannot Kan, Kande Cobra, Maggot, Sabine, Open Wider, Cheap Hand Job, Barnet, Alan, Rick Michelle, Haji Kowpaddy Kowboy, and Selina all came, ran, and paid enough so we could open an extra keg!!!

Returnees:  BC Delegator, Dog Shit and Dirty Hacker grace Lion City with their presence as well.

New Members:  Monsieur and Madame de la tour otherwise known as Twin-Towers and Fawlty-Towers finally broke down and joined the Lion City Hash House Harriers, and may God have mercy on their souls!

Hare-whip:  Croc O’Shit introduced himself to the large circle and immediately dared anyone to claim that Lion City’s Committee wasn’t the best.  Case in point, two of the Wednesday Hash House Harriets’ committee members were sitting in the beer wagon, out of the rain while everyone else was running under the rain.  On in Suzy Wong and Open Wider!  Next, Poser was brought in for urgently asking the beer boys for a plastic sack to put inside of her cap.  What is this…?  Some kind of head condom…?  Lastly, Ripper and Knickerless were called in to reenact the in-water rescue that involved an over-the-shoulder boob grab swim drag technique that looked rather fun!  Baywatch is nothing compared to Lion City.

Mystery-Whip:  Bloodshit was lamenting the fact that chivalry is dead on the Lion City Hash.  He brought in Suzy Wong, In-and-Out, Ditch and Jack-Off to illustrate his point.  First he overhead Suzy Wong say:  “I think I’ve put on a bit of weight.”  Much to Bloodshit’s surprise, In-and-Out replied:  “Why yes, I think you have.”  Next he saw Jack-Off having trouble getting over a barrier on the run.  She called out to Ditch for help.  What did he do?  He took her water bottle!  Having given up on chivalry in Lion City, Bloodshit turned to U.S. politics.  He called in SloCum to represent a former democratic president, Big Head to represent a current democratic candidate and Michelle to represent an innocent bystander.  Then he related Bill Clinton’s defense against claims that Hillary is a lesbian.  It seems Bill has tried on several occasions to get Hillary in bed with another women and she’s always refused!  Give Bill, Hillary and Monica a note!

Mystery-Mystery Whip:  Bill Clinton…, er…, I mean SloCum called in Hash Brew Sharon Batu for spilling beer on peoples’ feet.  She, of course, came B.Y.O.B.  Next in was a virgin either Glenn, Michael or Brian, I’m not sure which one.  Not Hazel, that’s for sure.  In any case, right after Armless explained that he should follow paper, chalk and flour, this virgin ran off and immediately got confused.  “What am I looking for?”  Give the attention deficit disorder virgin a note!  Next, SloCum called in Jack-Off for holding a wet t-shirt contest on the run.  Black bra and pink t-shirt…!  Like she didn’t do THAT on purpose!  Right!  Next in was Goodie Bag who was desperately looking for a place to pee before the run.  Once it started raining, Jack-Off said to her:  “You can pee now!”  Her reply:  “I already have!”  SloCum then called in Bloodshit for not keeping his mystery whipping role a mystery.  You’re not supposed to discuss your charges on the run when you’re a mystery whip!  Last in was Haji Kow Paddy Kowboy.  He saw a bicycle and wanted to know if it was Goodie Bag’s.  If so, he wanted to sniff the seat!  Coo Chi Coo sniffed it for him and confirmed that it was NOT Goodie Bag’s.

Prick of the Week:  Armless brought the prick into the circle with hopes of finding a new candidate.  Bagless wasn’t there to fob it off on someone else.  Unfortunately, Armless got distracted and wondered why after only a few runs, he’s seen Goodie Bag’s boobs when he’d been married for over 2 years before he saw Indecent Exposure’s?  I guess he awarded himself the prick!  And well-deserved it was!

Any Other Business (AOB):

Jack-Off called in Sneaky Cummer and charged him with purposely making the pink tops he gave away see-through.  Sneaky Cummer did not deny the charge!

Coo Chi Coo brought a pair of shoes into the circle that had been left at the previous week’s run site.  When Eureka came to claim them, Coo Chi Coo not only gave her a down-down, but charged her $10 for the shoe wash!

Coo Chi Coo then brought in Haji Kow Paddy Kowboy for having said that he was:  “…late, like the worst period in your life!”, when not arriving on-time for this night’s run.  What’s it like when you get your period Haji KPKB?

Suzy Wong called In-and-Out into the circle.  He never wants to put his car key in the key box.  He keeps it tied to the lace around the waist band of his shorts because he enjoys having Suzy Wong untie it for him.  However, when he decided to swim across the canal, he decided to give it to Circle Jerk for safe keeping.  So much for safe keeping!  Circle Jerk swam across the canal as well!

Kannot Kan entered the circle but I can’t read my writing and for some reason, my memory at this point wasn’t on record.  Sorry.

Stash then came in saying something about Running Shit running with an umbrella and Kannot Kan getting the flu.  Cheeky look-a-like Saliva was made to drink for something.  This is what happens when the scribe starts drinking at 4:00 p.m.  My apologies for the inconsistencies in this report!

Dirty Hacker & Mother Mary, along with Stash & Wonton were brought in a wished well on their wedding anniversaries!  How sweet!  Love on the Hash!  It could happen to you too!

Circle closed at 8:55 p.m.

On-On:  Toh Guan Road block 286E

Scribe:  Croc O’Shit

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