The run: A lot of dead people…  a lot of wet people…  and 4.6 miles of shiggy made this run worth coming out in the rain for!  As a hare, I cannot be fully objective, but my conservative opinion adjusted for certain bias is:  BEST DAMN RUN EVER IN THE HISTORY OF HASHING.

The hares:  Guest hare Michel Mutin, virgin hare Sylvie Duflot and sexy hare Croc O’Shit entered the circle and received a standing ovation for the best run of the night!  GOOD RUN

Next week’s run:

Virgins:  Grey, Philip, Olivier, Peter, Mike, Sheila, Corinne, and Fred got their hash off for the very first time, and liked it!  You could tell they were virgins.  They didn’t know to wait until the end of the song to drink!  MAHEM!

Returnees:  Herr Zipp, Pubic Zipp, Wee Willie, Foreplay, Harvey Wallbanger and Sylvia returned!

Visitors:  Vibrator, Kit, Wai Siam, Ditch Bitch, Pauline, Steve, Tarnished Image, Penile Extension, Sabine, Lisbeth, Philippe, Annie, Debbie and David graced Lion City with their presence. 

Hare whip:  Croc O’Shit, being the only hare with full mastery of the American-English language…(That’s right!  FULL MASTERY!)…  took the hare whipping role.  The first charge was for Harvey Wallbanger who when asked how he was doing, replied:  “Well…, I’m alive I guess.”  What an insensitive thing to say in a cemetery!  The next charge was for Shoe Shopper who also had been quite insensitive in the past asking:  “Croc O’Shit…,  why can’t you make Marie come?”  One does not speak of such things!  But…, tonight Marie did come!  Lastly, in breaking with a deep-seated loathing of hare-on-hare whipping, the other two hares were brought in.  It had to be made known that all of the French people in attendance where there because of Sylvie Duflot who:  “Makes ‘em come!”  And as for Michel Mutin?  This “Pole Dancer” nearly killed himself and had his knee ripped off while on a recce.  He not only failed miserably at pole vaulting a drain with a bamboo pole, but he broke the $7 pole in two!  Give these two trouble-making Frenchies a note!

Mystery whip:  Herr Zipp started his rant on the theme of look-a-likes.  There seemed to be a lot of them this evening.  First two:  Ditch Bitch and Ditch.  They’re twin brothers!  One could hardly tell them apart!  Two songs for them!  Next two look-a-likes…?  Green Piss and Dragon Breath!  In fact they DO look a bit a like, but herein lays the problem.  When this fact was pointed out to Butt Wiper, he replied:  “Yeah, but Green Piss is cuter!”  WRONG ANSWER!  Is he brave or stupid?  Guess someone will be sleeping on the couch for a while! While Herr Zipp had Dragon Breath in the circle, he called in Shaggy Dick who is known for, among others, his nicotine addiction.  It turns out that he needed to bum a cigarette off Dragon Breath.  Little did she know, she was his 2^nd choice as she only smokes Menthols!  Never settle for second best!  Give them both a note!  Moving on from the look-a-like, mix ‘em up theme, Herr Zipp called in Penile Extension who, like a good hasher, is never far from his beer.  In fact, he did a good deed and brought beer for everyone in the boot of his car.  The problem is that he locked his keys in the boot and therefore couldn’t get it open.  Now, for any normal car, Stiffy’s attempts to find out how to open the boot by checking the internet might have worked.  Unfortunately, that information is unavailable for a Lotus!  Therefore, were all screwed!  Could it have anything to do with the fact that the Lotus boot has an engine in it, along with several copies of Idle Banter Magazine?  Oh well!  Herr Zipp was on a roll so he called in his beloved Pubic Zipp who while on trail this evening sank into some mud.  She wasn’t sure how low she had sunk so she asked her hubby in the tune of that great Bee Gees song:  “How deep am I love?”… am I love, how deep am I love?....  Can you hear it?  Neither could the circle.  Lastly, Herr Zipp, instead of complaining about all of the French being spoken on trail this evening, adapted as one must in new situations.  He called in Sabine who couldn’t understand his warnings of “TRIP!” while on trail.  For next time, Herr Zipp practiced his French:  “Croche Pied!”  Wow, that word looks surprisingly like Crotch!  Such a cunning linguist!       (That pun just never gets old!)

Mystery-Mystery whip:  Wet Patch stepped in and immediately brought the news to our attention.  He mentioned that for anyone, divorce is quite an expensive pass-time, but compared to Sir Paul McCartney, his was small potatoes.  Plus the criticism he’s received has been mostly prosthetic.   What people don’t realize is that he was her crutch.  She’s totally stumped as to why it ended.  She gave him the boot.  The real reason is that he goes out hashing and gets totally legless!  Here’s to bad jokes they’re true blue!  Wet Patch then called Herr Zipp back into the circle and him if he could recall the events of two weeks past.  It was kind of fuzzy but it had something to do with Herr Zipp hashing, Herr Zipp drinking, Herr Zipp unsure of if he was in bed, and in whose bed he was if any, and lastly….  Pubic Zipp stood up at the airport the next day.  We’ll have to get the fact checkers going on this one a.s.a.p. but for now the details are still unclear.  Give him a note.  Next charge was against Butt Wiper for failing the Gymkana Jump test when he tripped on a chain that was a whole 3 cm off the ground.  What and athlete!  Or what?!  An athlete?  He’s all right!  He’s all right!

Since Tiger Lily took off for home with the prick, and no one can seem to catch her, we’ll have to hope she brings it back next week.  TIGER LILY’S STILL THE PRICK!

Any-Other-Business: 

Boo brings in Fred, the French music teacher who was appalled by the lousy singing in the circle.  He was asked by Boo to lead all of the French visitors (and member) in a song to prove how much better they were.  The end result was a good tune that no one could understand.  I think it’s safe to say that Lion City prefers bad songs to French songs.  One Frenchie drinks, all Frenchies drink.  There were 10 in the circle.  Philippe, Marie, Sylvie, Michel, Olivier, Corinne, Lisbeth, Sabine, Fred, and David.  SACRE BLEU!

Ditch Bitch decides to be the AOB whip and starts a charging frenzy!  Shaggy Dick Too charged for being a bad hash brew.  Again, Lion City prefers a bad hash brew to no hash brew!  Next “Shoe String” (obviously Ditch Bitch was imagining Shoe Shopper and G-String together.) was charged for being a bad Grand Mistress replacement because she didn’t teach the virgins not to drink their beers before the END of the song.  Well, Shoe Shopper teaches virgins every day at her school.  She can’t be expected to do overtime.    Afterwards, Ditch Bitch complained that there were too many French people.  Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black!  He charged them all for having their private French conversations while the circle was going on.  Quit eavesdropping Ditch Bitch!  J

Shaggy Dick Too brought Ditch Bitch back in for not knowing that at the Lion City Hash, the AOB time comes after:  Hares, Next week’s hares, Hare whip, Mystery Whip, Mystery-Mystery Whip, Awards, and the prick!  From the moment the circle had started, Ditch Bitch was holding his beer above his head to come into the circle and charge everyone.  Damn!  His arm must have gotten sore!  Give him a note!

Handbag called the virgins back in and taught them to swallow.

Caroline called in Selena who complained about chipping a nail while running through the jungle.  Oh I know girl!  Just last week I got a run in my pantyhose.  Life’s a bitch!  ON-ON!

On-On:  Five tables of 12 at the Red Lantern where songs were heard in English, French, Malay and even some Skandie language.  The French music teacher was made to sing the only song he knew in English.  It was a festive, Christmas tune which is why he was christened:  “Jingle Balls” right on the spot!

Scribed by Croc O’Shit

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