8:00 p.m.  Circle Begins

Hares were called in and given the good run monicker.  Kannot Khan even said that he did everything possible to f*ck up the run but it wasn't possible, thanks to the hares.  Front runners were home in 41 minutes and 45 seconds, but that's just because they didn't take the time required to really enjoy the Champagne stop.  They like the pain, but not the cham.  Happy anniversary to the hares.  5 years and they're still married.  Just 2 more to go before the "itch" kicks in!

Next week's hares:  Indecent Exposure and Poser announced that the Eurasian run will take place at Bukit Gombok.  Check the website for details.  http://lioncityhash.com

Visitors:  Penile Extension (join you bastard), Green Piss, Eric (with a "C" though not very Nordic), Easy Lay, Beet Root, Kit, Stefan (not Nordic either, but should be), and Isaku all visited Lion City this evening.

Returnees:  Bagless, Shaggy Dick, Walkie-Talkie, and Careless were all back on the hash and ready to explain why they ever left!

Alas…, there were no virgins.  Cruel, cruel world!

Harewhip:  Jackoff called in Cock Radio.  She wanted confirmation from the Lion City Honorable Secretary as to whether this night's run was numbered 1344 or 1345.  It is true that our thick fingered communicator typed 13444 which added numerous years to all of our lives without our conscent, but at least he should be able to narrow it down between two reasonable numbers.  Give the math teacher a note!  Next, Jackoff called in Aye-Aye who was not the only hasher to wear last year's Velcro Twin's anniversary shirt.  However, this charge wasn't for him.  When thanked for wearing the shirt, he replied:  "It wasn't MY idea.  Saliva told me to wear it.  If that were really the case, then why didn't Saliva herself wear the shirt.  Give SALIVA a note!  Before the harewhip could come to a close, her beloved husband of 5 years decided that it was time for him to put in his 2 cents worth.  Just when Saliva thought it was safe to head back to the outer ring, SloCum asked her:  "Why aren't you going to the on-on tonight."  As you can imagine, Saliva was not up to admitting the truth.  However, the fact remains:  She already ate her dinner after the run and before the circle!  Don't even try to guess what was on the menu!  Why was she born so beautiful…?

Mystery Whip:  Cums Quietly called in Indecent Exposure.  It seems that before the start of this night's run, Indecent Exposure was seen squatting next to a drain, not far from where everyone was grouping together before the run.  She declined to explain to the circle exactly what she was doing, however that wasn't a problem as this charge was not to be levied upon her.  On came in the hares who were reminded that preparing a hash run required choosing a site that offered ample parking, didn't attract attention from neighbors and passersby and most importantly of all, a place for the ladies to squat in private before the run.  Give the "Good Run but bad squat place providing hares" a note!  While continuing on the squatting theme, our mystery whip called in Cock Radio and Slack Arse as well.  At the first T-check, these two squatted down and kept calling "on-on" inspite of the back check.  Were they constipated, or trying to trick us?  You be the judge!  Give them a note!  The last charge was for Juice Extractor who was running near Cums Quietly along a drain.  At one point, she cut into the tall grass and beckoned him to follow.  After a bit of a slip, Cums Quietly found himself flat on his back in the tall grass.  The charge is to Juice Extractor leading him astray, but then not taking advantage of him!

Mystery-mystery whip:  Aye-Aye called in the scribe who before this evening's run was glad-handing and greeting long-time hashers, Aye-Aye included, as if they were visitor.  We all know that the AGM is around the corner, but let's not get carried away.  The half-wit yank stenographer won't be our new GM!  Give him a note, not a vote!  Next in was In and Out who being a bit on the soft side uses heated water to shower after the hash.  In spite of the fact that this is not very manly, the charge actually went to Saliva who after 25 year just noticed that In and Out did this.  It was too late to charge him for it.  He had established a precedent!  Aye-Aye then decided to call in some long-time hashers to demonstrate that not only do their bodies have problems, but so do their memories.  Deceased, Phoney Dick and Long Suffering were brought in to illustrate that one is always late, and running in the back of the pack in spite of the fact that this evening he jumped in the taxi, got to the run site on time before realizing that he forgot all of his money.  The next one forgot her shoes even thought she was there and ready to run.  Lastly, the tallest of them all was there without any hash gear whatsoever.  You know who they are!  Give Deceased, Long Suffering and Phoney Dick a note.  Footnote:  Not only was Phoney Dick's shirt not Hash certified, but it was lavender as well!  SHAME!

Awards: 

Stiff got his 253 run t-shirt.  Well, the shirt said 250, but we all know better.  He got it 3 weeks late because he wanted to go on the starvation diet for 3 weeks to have a "washboard" tummy for the award ceremony.

Double Back was awarded her 550^th run shirt and words cannot describe what Lion City was treated to.  Congratulations Double Back!  

Quickie was also awarded her 550^th run shirt.  Though more discreet than the first two awardees, she was the only one blasted with:  "GENTLEMEN!  SHE'S ALL RIGHT…!"  I wonder why that is…?

A.O.B:

Shaggy Dick tells everyone that he's the original Shaggy Dick.  He has a long memory and calls the Velcro Twins to the "catwalk"…  You can always rely on the Velcro Twins to lay a good run.  Congratulation again for that!  In the 5 years they've always dressed alike.  The standards are slipping!"  Yes, it's true!  They weren't dressed alike!  What is the world coming to?

Not Tonight entered the ring spouting of treacherous trail on this night's run. There was a certain muddy slope and stream that posed a problem for our beloved 11, but never fear, Circle Jerk was right behind as always.  However, at the crucial moment, little green bits began to fall off of him.  Was he shedding his guava fore skin?  We weren't sure what it was, but a quick trip to the clinic was advised so the new couple wouldn't end up with itchy bums from the yam leaves. 

The Prick of the Week Whip:  Green Piss (these Sunday hashers DO go on don't they?) entered the circle with our beloved, masculine symbol of pleasure, fertility and idiocracy.  She promised that the prick WOULD be given to someone as she had MORE THAN ENOUGH candidates.  She didn't even know why she had the prick in the first place.  Jingle Balls, the French, music teacher just gave it to her with no explanation after receiving it from Japanese ironwoman, Tigerlily with no explanation.  Well….  Let the explanations flow tonight!  First there was Eric who misjudged the difference from the MRT stop to the run site.  This prick already had 10km under his belt before the run began!  Next is Kit who did this night's run in squash shoes.  DUH!  No wonder he was on his ass for most of the run.  Everyone knows squash shoes are only good for stomping on Durian!  Lastly, the biggest prick of all was Peeking Ong who was too much of a prick to finish has Champagne therefore requiring Green Piss (that's how Pee is pronounced in Belgium) to drink 4 glasses!  Pour thing!  No, that's not a spelling error!  Peeking Ong's THE PRICK .

Deceased calls in Circle Jerk admitting:  "I may only have ½ a brain but when there is Champagne in hand and someone offers to hold it for me, I know to say no!"  Deceased gave Circle Jerk a down-down and a bit of advice:  "Never let a hasher hold your dink drink.

Lastly, Deceased called in Big Head to find out if she refused the Meat Man's down down at Interhash because she has something against giving public b.j.'s or if she has trouble swallowing.  Hmmm.  What do they do at this Interhash thing?

Circle ended at 8:45 p.m.

On-On:  Yule Brenner Memorial Hong Kong Dude Resto Next to Causaurina Curry

Scribe:  Croc O'Shit.

On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.

On-Back to Lion City HHH homepage.