The run:  Upon arriving at Bukit Gombok Stadium car park, a mountainesque slope loomed large above hashers warming up by the beer truck.  “You don’t think we’ll have to run up that hill, do you?” seemed to be the question on everyone’s minds.  It was soon answered as Lion City Members were off and running  climbing.  At the top of the hill, everyone was treated to a restful, 15 minute circle (should have been a T) check.  Twenty minutes and 300 meters into the run, the paper trail was found and FRBs were trapped behind Fat Bastards like Bully, as it should be.  Three and a half more kilometers of vines, hills, thorns, rocks and streams lead the pack back home in a clockwise loop.  It was treacherous territory and there was no taxi stand.  Cock Radio had to be restrained while running past the last body of water as it was unclear whether or not it was filled with “Holy Water”.  The 7^th annual Eurasian run was ideal for members planning on swimming to Ubin the next day.

The Circle:  At 8:10 p.m. Armless invited hares:  Poser, Zipp, Indecent Exposure and Call Girl into the circle. GOOD RUN! There was worry that they may be mistaken for illegal foreign workers in the jungle so a Gwai Lo cuntsultant, Astronut was brought in to do the bulk of the work.  He was rewarded in the circle with a polo shirt on the back of which was written “SLAVE”.  While he was rewarded, Lion City Members were punished as Astronut removed his shirt.  ON ON ON ON!

Next week’s hares:  Cock Radio and Shoe Shopper think that their run will be at Blackmore Drive next week.  They also think that it will be on Friday at 6:00 p.m.  Cock Radio didn’t seem too sure, but I’m betting that all of the info will be on the website!

Virgins:  Sis had already f*cked off so her look-a-like, Cheeks Out, came and drank in her stead.  Cock Radio still looked hopeful that Cheeks Out would give him Sis’ telephone number…(for the records, of course…)  Ben was also present.  He said he enjoyed the run, and would be back.  Someone must have done something right, or else his standards are just low.

Returnees:  Steptoe and Sooch were called in and recognized.  Glad you came!

Visitors:  Jingle Balls, Bagless, David(really a virgin), Selina, Goes Down Well, Pierre, Jig-a-Jig(really a returnee), Trumpet, Penile Extension and Dickless graced our presence.  Look at all those guest fees!  Let’s open another keg!

Our Grandmaster and Mistress invited Dickless into the circle to invite everyone to his 59^th birthday party on May 2^nd.  Warning, this is an unpaid advertising announcement:  The run will go from Changi Village Road Car Park by the Kai Tai’s Corner Lorong Bekukong and the On On will be at Bambooze Bar at $15/head.  10 Free Jugs of Beer and a promise of naked ladies were offered.  See you there!  Dickless said that the run would be clockwise this year.  Loose Change couldn’t contain herself and had to run into the circle and felt Dickless’ biceps and admire his flat tummy.  59 and feeling foxy!  Ten more years to 69!  Hang in there!

Hare whip:  Zipp came in the circle right after Dickless.  He seems to have that effect on women.  She claimed that SHE wouldn’t be taking her clothes off at his birthday party.  I guess that means it is safe to attend!  Twin Towers was brought in the circle for a little hare on hare whipping.  Twin Towers was recognized as a co-hare.  She even helped lay a circle check.  Unfortunately, she decided to get creative and instead of a circle, laid a heart-shaped check.  Give the giggling romantic a note!  It seems there was also a lot of giggling before the run by some men.  Strapless didn’t want it made known that he had forgotten his shoes so he called his buddy Machine and asked if he could bring along a spare pair.  Machine agreed, then asked:  “What color?”  Strapless, no slave to fashion replied:  “I don’t care!  The same as your hair!”  Strapless seemed disappointed when he found out that Machine no longer had blue hair!  Zipp then brought Cherry Picker into the circle.  We all know that it’s not easy to get friends to come to the hash.  It’s really hard to explain to them what to expect.  You run in the jungle.  You get dirty.  Most people can’t see the fun in this until they actually do it.  Maybe that’s why Cherry Picker told his virgin friend Ben that he was taking him golfing!  FORE!  No, no, no…!  He meant that we’d be running AROUND a golf course, not playing a round of golf!  Give Cherry Picker a note for misrepresentation!  At this point, Gypsy entered the circle to give directions to the on-on.  It seems they found a Red-Lantern look-a-like.  Follow the waving arms and U-turns!  Zipp apologized for not offering free beer at the On On but promised that:  “THE RICE IS ON US!”

Mystery Whip:  Running Shit calls in Cock Radio and Wet Patch for their over abundance of testerone [sic].  We think he meant testosterone, but we’re not sure.  They were charged with not following trail and pushing past people.  They ought to be publicly pissed on!  Next in was Bully and Wet Patch again.  First Wet Patch upon reaching the top of the hill and finding a check stated:  “I’m NOT going back down!”  Then, after telling Dominator not to call On On so loud Bully asked:  “Are you?”  Sure enough, Wet Patch DID go back down!  And Bully wanted calls afterall!  Give these conflicted bastards a note!  Next, Dominator and In-and-Out were called into the circle.  Dominator was gone, so her “lick-a-like” Bully came in the ring in her place.  It seems that Dominator was touching In and Out’s bum on the run while trying to give him a big push up a slope.  In and Out was heard saying:  “Don’t touch what you can’t afford!”  A collection was taken up and 60 cents were offered as payment!  What a bargain!  Last in was Machine and Strapless.  What do they have in common?  Both circumcised?  One ball between the two of them?  NO!  Neither call:  “On-On when leading the pack! 

Awards: 

Armless apologizes to all the people that he offended this year as Grand-Master.  He admitted that he had many people mad at him for doing such a shoddy job, but he had just the thing to make it up to at least the male members of the hash!  On in Knickerless!  350 RUNS!  Off, off, off!  All is forgiven Armless!  Do you think she knew she was getting a shirt, or does she always wear that sexy bra?!

Armless called for Any Other Business:

Saliva immediately entered the circle to pick a bone with the Grand-Master!  Apparently she wasn’t appeased by Knickerless’ award!  Go figure!  Saliva said:  “On Lion City Hash, we have traditions!  You can’t change them just because you want to!  It’s in the rule book!  Where’s the Mystery-Mystery Whip?!”  Good point Saliva!  Let’s all have a drink!  Rule book?  We have a rule book?

Ugly Bum claims that she had a lot of AOB.  For this reason, she had to overlook Eleven’s bottle bum…, this time!  “We saw enough of it last week!”  No…, Ugly Bum had to bring in the “Bastard” Machine.  He made her feel so good after her mystery whipping in Kulai at the Quad run last Saturday.  He said:  “You are very funny, but I don’t understand any English you speak!”  Give Machine a note and all of the other Germans!  Ayam Sinking, Cherry Picker and Armless didn’t complain.  Next, Ugly Bum called in Fawlty Towers who recently battled a bad case of VD DVT.  When Indecent Exposure said that she needed numbers for the On-On, Basil said that about 70% of the circle raised their hands to say they were coming.  Thanks for the help Basil.  70% of how many people?  “Oh…, I hadn’t thought of that!”  Give the mathemagician a note!

Cock Radio explained to Lion City Hashers that as Hon-Sec, he fields many calls from potential visitors who want to know how to get to the run.  He’s used to this and even tries to get phone numbers out of the cute sounding members.  Imagine his surprise when co-hare Twin Towers called this afternoon to find out where the runsite was!  Give the lost hare a note!  Cock Radio continued with his official business of informing Lion City that the 2008 AGM would be held on Saturday, April 19, 2008.  He even pointed out that Goodie Bag was up for a position.  Horizontal?!  NO  HASHBREW!  Be sure to PAY YOUR SUBS, so that you can vote!  By now, it’s probably too late!

The Prick:  Peeking Ong entered the circle and claimed that while working hard last Thursday night….BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME, TO ME!  He began again…  “I’m a very busy man…BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT…  Third try:  “I was attending to business when…BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, IT ALL…..  After three consecutive down-downs for claiming to actually work, Peeking Ong finally was able to explain that some prick had the balls to email him and say his web page was in need of updating.  On in Croc O’Shit who accepted the prick on behalf of all of the faithful webpage readers whose lives revolve around every update on the best hashing website ever created:  BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, IT ALL……

Not Tonight calls in Cock Radio who has been claiming that his newsletter emails don’t get to Not Tonight’s in-box because of her spam filter.  Well, this can’t be true since she has been regularly receiving pornographic images and Viagra advertisements.  What is it about the newsletter that could possibly make it less deliverable than that?!

The outgoing committee was brought in, thanked, given a down-down and told to f*ck-off.

The circle closed and the party moved to the on-on.  It was a great night.

It is not with some emotion that I sign off on this last run report!  Bring in the new committee!  JN-JN!

Scribe:  Croc O’Shit

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