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Run 1358 |
The 4th of July Run -American Independence Day |
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Date : |
4th July 2008 |
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Hares : |
All the Americans |
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Run-Site : |
Upper Seletar Reservoir Car Park C, off Track 7, Mandai Road |
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On On |
McDonalds? No, on site with Mr Hoe of course. |
The Run
At 6pm the Hares setting the run weren’t back and none of the other American’s had much of an idea about the run, not even where it started. ‘It starts right here’ proclaims Bloodshit stepping out from the rotunda. Yes, thanks for that help Bloodshit. Anyway, it is decided that we should head into the jungle the same way the other 2 runs from this site have headed this week, and sure enough we soon heard the French accent of ‘On On’ called by Lick It Off. Some nice jungle trail running that made very good use of Wednesday’s trail was enjoyed by all. However the following steep climb up hill was not enjoyed by all. Nor was a particularly nasty thorn that gave Shiggy Piggy a prick in the prick. In and Out led the way through some rather tall and scratchy fernery until he decided someone else should do the bulldozing and stepped aside to let yours truly rip his body to pieces. What goes up must come down and we were soon heading steeply down hill through some tricky little sections. At a circle check along the dry creek bed, ‘Check forward’ was the call from Boo and so I did. Of course On On was called 90degrees from where Boo suggested and of course exactly where he had headed. However, this worked to my advantage as by the time I got out onto the Woodcutters trail, I found Peeking Ong suggesting to try left as the rest of those in front had gone right and there would be a T Check. Sure enough, he was correct and off we went for a great hit out along the Woodcutters trail.
The Hares must have used GPS because eventually we headed of the Woodcutters and into some inhospitable bush. Having run in the lead by myself for such a long time, I decided that someone else should take a turn so I humbly stepped aside to let through Tiger Lily, Shuttlecock, Running Shit and a couple of others. A T Check before we came out onto the pipeline saw Running Shit and others head back from where we came, while Ripper insisted that we needed to cross the creek at some stage and now was as good a time as any and so I stupidly followed him. Of course the ‘On On’ call was heard way back in the direction that Running Shit had led everyone, thus leaving Ripper and me up Shit Creek without a paddle, so to speak. ‘Don’t worry, we can cut across’ said Ripper confidently. 10 minutes later, having fought our way through some of the most inhospitable terrain in Singapore, we emerged back on trail and out to the pipeline 10 minutes behind the front runners. Soon the short/long split was reached (or so I’m told) and those opting short are given a cold drink and herded into a cattle truck for a ride back home. Those that opted long kept running, (or so I’m told) and despite a murderous T check in the jungle in the dark also arrived at a cattle truck for the trip back home.
I must explain that I am not particularly sure about these final stages of the run as on reaching the pipeline I turned left instead of right and ran through the Rifle range (thankfully there were no Rifles)and back to home, as I was following Peeking Ong, In and Out, Bagless 2 and Goody Bags. The fact that there were a few runners actually running into home instead of arriving by truck raised the ire of Stash who berated them for not following trail and missing out on the ride back.’Why didn’t you follow the f@#*ing trail you dumb arses’ he repeated like a worn out record. By thinking they were short cutting actually led to these dumb #*$@*s running even further. 5 minutes later in ran the Grand Master who had done the long run and stumbled onto the end of the Harriet’s Wednesday trail at Old Upper Thompson and followed it back, also depriving himself of a ride in the cattle truck. Some 30 to 55 minutes later the last of the cattle trucks arrived back with the huddled masses squashed in like sardines, making it a rather late finish.
Circle Report
The Circle was delayed even longer as Rooning Shit was overwhelmed by females wanting to sample his wares, he was absolutely inundated by girls wanting to buy his Haberdash. But why does he insist that they must strip and try things on first before buying???
The Grand Mattress gets in the Hares from Monday and dumps a garbage bag full of toilet paper from their run. ‘I have never seen so much shit’ claims Big Head. Give the environmentally insensitive a note!
The Grand Master then questions why it took 7 Americans to set the American run while it only took 2 Canadians to set the Canada Day Run last week??
‘Because there are only 2 Canadians’ came the reply from the Yanks. Yes, good point that.
What did we think of the Run?
Verdict:
There were 2 directly opposing lines of thought about the run. ‘Run of the year’ was heard coming loud and strong from the Yankee Hares in the middle who then commenced to drink to it. However, they were quickly bought into line by the GM who suggested they were a little premature and we should canvass the opinion of those that actually ran. Due to the extreme lateness of everyone returning home, ‘Hash Shit’ was overwhelmingly called, which is technically correct, although I must admit I did enjoy the trails. However it is officially recorded as Hash Shit. Bad luck Americans, but very good try.
Next Week’s Run Goody Bags 50th Birthday Run
Run site: Farmart
Virgins: 5!!! Sorry, I’m losing my touch, didn’t even get their names let alone their phone numbers (well, the females I mean)
Visitors 15 males and 8 females, way too many for this scribe to list!
Give the visitors a drink!
New Member: Hand Bag
Do we have a Hare Whip?: Croc O Shit commences with the American Pledge, at least I think that’s what it was, it could have been the Lord’s Prayer though.
Kannot Kan cops something about a permit being required for next weeks run, as of course the Americans had done for this run but were rejected by the Singaporean powers that be because of sensitive instruments in the area. Give the insensitive a note for being so sensitive, or is that the sensitive for being so insensitive?
Goody Bags is brought in for her wonderful impersonation of the Statue of Liberty.
Peeking Ong is then given a Hymn for an inappropriate comment which I missed.
The huddled masses that rode back in the last cattle truck came in for another massed huddle demonstration, amongst them were Phoney Dick, Aye Aye, Saliva, Ditch and a host of others.
All those that are(or were) married to an American were congratulated for their recognition of talent. Mmm, who are we to argue, but maybe love is blind after all.
All those that have laid trail in this area in the last 7 days were bought in, thus creating another huddled mass. Would have been much simpler just to bring in those that haven’t set trail here in the last 7 days!
So as to avoid a repeat of a slightly congested run site, the Americans, being the organized group that they are (not) announce that next years Independence Day will be at Rifle Range Road. Not sure if the Yanks actually came to a consensus as a group on this, more a case of Croc O Shit making a spur of the moment decision because he was running out of charges!
GM Business:
The GM then questioned why the Grand Mattress was looking so tall tonight? Yes, she was wearing some sort of F#@k me footwear.
And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip : ~ Twin Towers
The Girls went out for a bit of a drink involving 5 or 6 bottles of wine (each?)They then moved onto the next bar (presumably because the first one ran out of wine) where they got the munchies. They then decided to celebrate the Birthday Girl by having a Blow Job each, but had to show one of their group how to have a Blow Job. In Sharon Batu and khan the Cobra for a Blow Job demonstration (for those not at the run, it involves putting a drink of some fancy stuff to your mouth, then with no hands tilting your head back and swallowing!)
A Couple of Hashers were refused a ride back in a car because the driver didn’t want those dirty bastards in her car. In you come Wonton, you bastard!
It is wise that if you are a mystery whip that you don’t tell anyone, correct says Twin Tower. So she didn’t say a word but some bastard knew I had a secret and guessed I was a Whip. In you come Faulty Towers, you bastard.
And now...it’s time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip Bagless. ‘As it’s almost dawn, I’ll be quick’ he promises.
A reliable ‘I’m a local’ guide was needed to sit in the front with one of the truck drivers to show him the way back to home, so Dim Sum was appointed. 15 minutes later the huddled masses in the back knocked on the rear window and suggested to Dim Sum they should do a U turn as they had reached Sembawang and Malaysia was fast approaching. Yes, follow me, I’m a local! Well done Dim Sum!
In ‘On the Couch with Cock Radio,’ Croc O Shit mentioned that he admires anyone over 50 who runs the Hash despite the obvious pain and aches. Bagless then points out to Croc O Shit ‘Who the f@#*ck is not over 50 doing the Hash?’ Yes, good point that!
The Hares are given a serve for organizing a bus run with clapped out trucks. Ditch takes the brunt of this on behalf of his fellow Americans who are still chanting ‘bullshit, bullshit, it all…..’ in reference to the Hash Shit verdict.
Prick Of The Week
None in sight again, looks like Front Seat Wanker has got his hands on it still. Hopefully Back Seat Bonker will relieve him soon
A.O.B.
Pussy Lifter comes in for one of his regular whinges, this time about not receiving his award that was due some time ago. Big Head takes the rap gracefully.
Slowcum has Big Head back in for doing a Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz impersonation with her shoes. Oh, we’re off to see the Wizard, ……
BA mentions the safety consideration while they were running in the jungle as it was starting to get dark. Suddenly there was a slapping sound and a water bottle went flying causing a cyclist to fall off his bike. As he fell, something else was dislodged causing a taxi to swerve and run off the road. Unfortunately I was laughing too much to see who the water bottle culprit was.
Wonton heard someone say that the run tonight was too short! In you come the nut case visitor.
Ripper, as previously mentioned, took yours truly off trail and left well behind the front of the pack. But he had to put up with 10 minutes of Cock Radio whinging and swearing about being lost, falling over, getting cut and scratched, being thirsty, losing the front of the pack etc etc. Give whinger a note, “All Australians are born ….’
Jack Off –‘I am sober’ did a head count on the long run truck but where is Cock Radio??? He should be here. Everyone was concerned about me, how sweet. So where was I? I followed Peeking Ong the wrong way at the pipeline and did the medium run back to home.
Twin Towers gets a drink for her dress (or lack of dress) sense.
The Canadians are then charged for conspiring to get tonight’s run voted Hash Shit.
Suzie Wong has a go at Shiggy Piggy, Bagless2 and BA for running through checks and not breaking them. Bastards!
Sharon Batu tells us that she was at home having a quite night with a glass of wine watching Casablanca when she was dragged out Goody Bags, Khan the Cobra and Twin Towers for a night on the town that ended up with blowjobs.
Our visitor, Anal Rose, who received charge from Wonton earlier, tells us that she actually charged the wrong person. ‘You Caucasians all look the same to me’ says Wonton in defence.
Slack arse mentions the dog hash Saturday.
Slowcum gets the geriatrics in for leaning on a car, Dim Sum and Strapless.
Some concern is shown, for at least 20 seconds, for Circle Jerk, where is he, lost?
On On to McDonalds, I mean Mr. Ho for some fine American fare.
Scribed by Cock Radio, thanks for filling in last 3 weeks Poser!
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