Run 1384  The 10th Annual Recovery Run, Bukit Batok Nature Reserve with Poser  and Astronut.

 

Date :  2nd    January 2009

 

Hares : Poser, Astronut, Twin Towers

 

Run-Site : Bukit Batok Nature Reserve

 

 

On On; Red Lantern

 

 

Numbers: Members:  61ran, 2 extra at the Circle = 65. Guests:  male15, female 15,  Total 93

 

  

                    The Run

                     As seen by Knickerless

I'm warning you – this is not a detailed description of the run (after all, weren't we all on it??) but rather a comment on hash behaviour and a few things everyone should know about hashers, which I will enumerate.

  1. Contrary to popular belief, hashers are not the fit, toned athletes everyone believes them to be.  Rather they are a motley selection of shapes, sizes, ages, sexes, religions, races, nationalities, IQs and species.  This was amply illustrated by the assorted crowd which assembled at Bukit Batok Nature Park on Friday to participate in the Annual Recovery Run set by ASTRONUT and POSER. 

  2. Some hashers will go to any lengths to avoid actually having to do the run, or at least all of it.  For example, PEEKING ONG was caught asking for advance information as to where the run went, fabricating some excuse about having to...... (at this point his voice degenerated into an incoherent mumble), so he could sneak off.  FAT CRASHING BASTARD was heard vociferously blaming recent osteopathic intervention for his sluggishness, later on in the run.

Having been assured by POSER that the run was short and flat (what!!), CHEEKY decided to implement her New Year's resolution by running the whole thing (those of you who know her from days of yore will remember she used to be a certified FRB).

  1. Any self respecting hasher is just as capable of changing from their office clothes  into their hash gear in the back of a taxi as they are when driving down the PIE, or standing  in the MRT.  Otherwise how does our illustrious GM, BIG HEAD, always arrive dressed ready, in her hash gear?

Well, the run set off on time as always along Bukit Batok Street 25.  Some, like the more aged, doddery and slow ones amongst us such as BULLY, lagged behind whilst other younger, more lithe specimens like KNICKERLESS sped ahead.  One poor geriatric, STIFFY, was heard to plaintively cry, "Are we nearly there?" a mere two minutes into the run.

  1. It's a common misconception that Hashing is an Olympic sport.  It is in fact an outdated form of cross country running started by British Hooray Henrys before the Second World War, to allay their consciences about doing no exercise and to give them extra drinking credit, a tradition carried on to this day.

On on we went to the first T check and back hurried the pack, rushing hither and thither in the style of headless chickens until finally a gap was found in otherwise impenetrable jungle.  On and up we climbed (ha ha, CHEEKY, you're not running now are you!!), slithering and tripping, through trackless forest.  This scribe was rescued from sliding all the way back down by her own personal Sir Galahad, otherwise known as THE MACHINE.  She was amazed to discover how strong he still is (ooohh!!) despite his advanced age! 

 

  1. Many male hashers experience a mid-life hashing crisis.  They turn into denizens, powered by rushes of testosterone against which they are powerless to fight, pushing defenceless ladies and smaller, weaker male runners, such as RUNNING SHIT, out of the way.  This scribe was almost trampled by scores of them including LACY LADY.

Out we emerged into the maze of picturesque lanes converging on Jalan Jurong Kechil, with names like "Jalan Rajah Wally" and "Jalan Krakatoa".  Had this been virgin territory?  Back at the run site, the debate raged as to whether anyone had actually hashed in that bit of jungle before.  Well this scribe certainly couldn't remember doing so, but then again.................

 

  1. Most hashers have a memory span of approximately 12 hours maximum, on a good day.  We all know that the hardest question anyone can ask a hasher is, "Where was the run last night?"

Right, and I am losing interest now, on the run went across Jalan Jurong Kechil, past the Boys' Hostel, out onto Upper Bukit Timah and there some people were actually fooled by a false loop across the road towards the Bukit Timah nature Reserve!  Well, I ask you, with the smell of beer almost in the nostrils, only TIGER LILY would be hoodwinked by that one!

 

  1. FRBs have no sense of direction and cannot follow paper.  They will run into blind alleys, along trails they have just come from and down tracks everyone else knows are dead ends.  They assume everyone else likes doing the same and will set runs of 25 kilometres taking the average hasher 3 hours whilst blinkered to the sort of terrain they are taking everyone on.  They don't understand rain and believe that if they can't find paper or flour it's because the hares haven't laid any.

 

    8.   Hashers consume on average 1,500 litres of beer per head a year, most of it on Lion City, along with 24 million cans of 100PLUS.

Can I stop now?  OK, OK, the run continued along Upper Bukit Timah Road, up (ha ha, CHEEKY) to Lorong Sesuai in between the condos then, I am led to believe, although  I wasn't there, having opted for the shorter version, back into the jungle, down "that stream", to the Heavy Vehicle Park and back home along a "lovely trail".  A T-shirt was provided, turning the run site into a Paddy's market of avid recipients.

  1.  Hashers love getting T-shirts, even though they already have so many at home that the pile has to be measured in light years.  One hasher was heard to exclaim delightedly, "Great!  One more and I won't have to do any laundry for a whole year!!"

I would like to say that I did applaud the HARES' thoughtfulness for the animals of the Park, being a nature lover myself.  I saw several squirrels feasting on the flour they had so solicitously put down, darling little furry things that they are (the Hares that is).

Good run, Hares, even I enjoyed it – THANK YOU!

Knickerless

The Circle

As seen by Ripper

 

What did we think of the Run? ~ Chaos reigned as the GMs valiantly tried the get large and unruly pack into some semblance of a circle.  Big Head then charged Cheeks Out and Not Tonight for being the only two to actually heed instructions.  (Big Head, please contact Little John and Stiffy as they would love to know your secret to controlling their wives).

Run Verdict:  Good run.  DD to Astronut for actually setting the run, and DDs to Poser and Twin Towers for prancing around in their platform f*ck-me thongs pretending they had set the run. ( Editors Note from Cock Radio- Poser replied to the above with the following- ‘HELLO, Twin Towers and I actually, physically "set" the run.  TT did the normal trail and I put flour on the short trail.  Astronut merely led the way and told us where to put the paper!!  Get it right lah! Don't want Astronut to get all the credit and others to think we're real woosies, do we?? ’

I leave you, the reader, to be the judge of which version is closest to the truth! CR.)

 

                                 

Tell us about your On On? ~ Red Lantern

 

 

Next Week’s Run ~ Will be at Venus Drive, hared by Circle Jerk, Eleven, Chinook, Banglagirl and Cherry Picker.  As this will be CJ’s and II’s last pre-nuptial run before getting hitched on Saturday, to have CP as a co-hare seems somewhat prophetic to Saturday night’s activities.

On On will be at Thomson View Condo with the dish of the night - the bride to be.  It’s also poolside so bring your swimmers / bathers / cossies / budgie smugglers / speedos / bikinis / or whatever else you call swimming attire.

 

 

Virgins:  ~ I am unable to judge if there were any virgins amongst the 30 guests, but you would hope 1 or 2 of them would be!

 

Visitors ~   There were 15 males and 15 female visitors heaps – DDs to Wanking, Dog Mount, Lagoless, Sam, Vibrator (join you b*stard), Forest Dump, Too Easy (who was way overdressed), Fat Crashing B*stard, Tracy, Nick, Mr McGlue, Knobby Boy Scout, Fiona, Rob the C*nt, Sandpaper Sally and Jason to name them all.

DD to Any Fanny Will Do for missing his cue, or maybe he just prefers to drink alone.

DD to Suzan – ditto.  (She fancied my pants, but not the idea of getting into them … sigh)

 

 

Returnees~ 12 in all.  DDs to Bagless (the nasty one), Lacy Lady, Malfunktion, Half Cut, Long Suffering (has she actually left yet?), Down Under, Skid Marks, Sherpa, Eddie Ellis, Kweejong and Sooch.

DD to Shaggy Dick for not recognising his name, or perhaps he too likes to drink alone.

 

 

New Members ~ Siew Chin Yong. Welcome to LCHHH

 

Members in Training:  (Short form for – Well, we’d really like to join, but we haven’t got the money right now, so is it alright if we pay up next week)

DDs to Tracy and Nick.

 

At this stage of the proceedings Not Tonight informed me that there were 86 hashers present.  Stiffy then corrected this to 88.  Not Tonight then corrected this, and her earlier number, to approx 80.  (It’s a worry.  Both are teachers, and yet neither seems able to count ..... maybe they taught the current generation of bankers/financiers – who also seem  unable to get their numbers right). ( Editors note from Cock Radio: The above also stands corrected by Poser, who states ‘I recorded 63 members so including the 30 guests/returnee visitors, we had a total of 93 at the Circle .. hence Not Tonight & Stiffy are both wrong!’ )

 

  

 

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~  Yes, we do, Astronut.

DD to Loose Change for pretending to be slim – ouch.  (I thought she was … maybe I just misheard)

DD to Peeking Ong and Comes Quietly (look-a-like for Coo Chi Coo) for being super short cutting b*stards.  Details withheld to avoid embarrassment.

 

  

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Saliva

DD to Astronut for last minute appointing of mystery whips.  (Whips – that charge is too easy.  Please find others.  GMs – please bring back “The GMs never drink alone” rule to discourage being picked on).

DD to Astronut for using GPS technology to set the run, and for setting it the day before.  (Fair charge this time.)

DD to Astronut for littering while setting the run. (Another fair charge)

DD to Aye Aye for giving such directions as ‘Exit the PIE from the fast lane’

(Actually that’s a fair instruction as the PIE exit to Bukit Timah/Jurong Kechil is the only exit in Singapore taken from the fast lane.  Maybe a DD to Saliva for having so little faith in her husband).

DD to Poser for delegating scribe duties even though in attendance.

 

A bit of GM business~ apparently not tonight.

 

And now...it’s definitely time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip~ Bloodshit

DD to Malfunktion for trying to hide his Chrissie Pud paunch with a fantastic haircut.  (Methinks Bloodsh1t is just jealous).

DD to Stash (whatever happened to his hashname, TDF, jointly bestowed by CCC and myself  at his hash wedding) for asking Bloodsh1t his secret to keeping his hair immaculately in place.  The secret is to use ‘Off’ insect repellent.  (Perhaps you should use ‘On’ instead and get a haircut like Malfunktion).

 

Milestones ~ nope

 

The Prick~ After dipping it in the beer and shaking the piss off, Stiffy let us choose from an array of candidates.

1.  Long Suffering who’s off to the land of black pricks (India) and may feel left out without one of her own.

2.  Goody Bags for being away so long (and we all wanted a perve)

3.  Eleven as it may be her last chance to enjoy it before being stuck with a white one. (I don’t think I phrased that quite right somehow).

4.  Cheeks Out for being competitive and accusing Sam of cheating on her stopwatch.

5.  Sam for being competitive and accusing Cheeks Out of cheating on her stopwatch.

And by popular acclamation the winner was Eleven. 

 

 

 

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~                                                                                                                                          

Stiff:  Has been harbouring a 20 year grudge against Rob The C*nt and wants to know why Rob The C*nt is so shy of his hashname.

 

By this time, the water, 100+ and coke poured down my neck earlier on are trying to get out the other end, but the AOBs kept coming.

 

Rob The C*nt:  Claimed he met Stiff’s mum in Soho one night where she was trying to find instructions on how to turn a large vibrator o o o o o o ff.  DD to Stiff.  Next followed a shameless plug for the Columbo Hash.

 

Wanton:  Stash (TDF) rings her up on Monday night to ask where the folding chairs, normally kept in the boot, are.  Obviously they are not at home either so Wanton asks the circle.  Little John saunters in to announce that he has two folding chairs left at his place last week by a short, drunken, short haired hasher and could they be the said missing chairs?  DD to Stash.

 

Goody Bag:  Picks on Comes Quietly who’s been pleading her to return as he hates wearing skirts and aprons and can’t do the splits.  Hooray is next for constant SMS reminders to GB as to where and when the runs are.

 

Severe spasms of pain are shooting from my bladder but the AOBs continue.

 

Fat Crashing B*stard:  DDs to Skid Marks and Sherpa.  Two days at the Slocum / Jack-off residence and they are already contracting severe Velcroitis with their coordinated T-shirts.

 

Tiger Lily:  To Goody Bags who claims her big smile after a prolonged absence is due to all the exercises she did.  Tiger Lily thinks the ‘s’ is at the wrong end of the word.

 

Kannot Kan:  To Shaggy Dick ….

 

By now my back teeth are floating and, after a quick sprint to the nearest lorry, the next few minutes are spent straining at both ends.  One end to speed up the download process and the other end, my ears, to hear the charges.  Unfortunately the constant traffic noise drowned out the charges while I drowned out an ants nest.  And Not Tonight’s handwriting has to be seen to be believed.  Believed, but not decipherable.

 

Running Sh1t:  To Vibrator who, about POTW time, was overheard saying he was off to West Africa and wont need the prick.

 

Dominator:  A shameless plug for the Dog Hash tomorrow.

 

Circle Jerk:  Wants to return the POTW to Stiffy, as his parents and future parents-in-law will be attending next weeks run and will be embarrassed if Eleven has to present the POTW.  (Am not sure if it’s the parents or Eleven who will be embarrassed, but believe me CJ, when it comes to pricks, pussies and bonking, your parents, and hers, have been at it a lot longer than you two have). 

Stag Night for CJ will be this Thursday night starting at the Crazy Elephant.

 

Grand Mistress:  Farewell to Long Suffering who is leaving us this week for the pungent smells of India.

 

Thought for the week.  After her wedding, do we rename Eleven to Vee?  II to V (think about it).

On that note, it is ….. 

On On On On!

 

Scribed by Ripper

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