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Run 1387 The Australia Day Run |
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Date : 23rd January 2009 |
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Hares : The Aussies, in particular Shoe Shopper, Sneaky Comer, Cock Radio |
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Run-Site : End of Rifle Range Rd
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On On; Red Lantern
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Numbers: Members: 66 ran, 1 extra. Guests: male 14, female 8, Total 89
The Run
The big question before the run was would the Aussies make amends for last year’s effort. In a word, NO, they didn’t, so 2 consecutive Hash Shit’s for the Aussie Day run, and the bookies are already laying the odds for a trifecta next year. Bugger! In all fairness to ourselves, some very nice territory was covered, jungle trails, 4 or 5 stream crossings and a lot of thorns. If only it had lasted another 20 minutes. Giving the walkers and a few other ring ins a short cut at the start proved interesting, with Slowcum beating Jack Off in for the 2 week in a row and Loose Change and Slack Arse even complaining about the shortness in length. Croc O Shit, who said he really powered and ran his guts out, came in with the first bunch. So what were the reasons for the slight shortness? Well, our main expert on the run site area, Comes Quietly, did himself a back injury on Japanese ice and has been out of action, unable to recce. Not to worry, us Aussies can cope with that, so without our expert we set off on our first recce. Taking a wrong turn, we became slightly lost, but never fear, Sneaky Comer had brought a map and compass with him. Good thinking mate. So he figures from the map that we need to go north, so gets out his compass and finds north. ‘This way,’ he announces confidently. ‘No, wait, it’s this way’ as he turns 90 degrees. Consulting his compass once more, he then readjusts our course by saying ‘No, north is this way’ and he turns us 180 degrees in exactly the opposite direction. After taking 2 steps and looking at his compass, he turns us a further 90 degrees and announces ‘We’re lost, the compass is f**cked.’ Thanks Boy Scout. It was then up to yours truly to examine the position of the sun in the sky to determine west and then give it the good old Never (North) Eat (East) Soggy (South) Weetbix (West) treatment to find north and we finally emerged back out on the pipeline trail. It was then decided that if the Hares could get lost so easy, Tiger Lily and Shaggy Dick would have all sorts of problems, so a decision was made to make the checks easy and put down lots of paper. Big mistake.Then there was concern for the walkers being left in the jungle in darkness. No problems with that hey Slack Arse! Walkers, next Aussie Day Run bring a torch with you, you’re on your own. No more setting a Socialist style run, it will be a free market arrangement and every man for him/herself!!! Just as an extra add on, when it came to setting the run Friday afternoon, Sneaky Comer was taking no chances. He brought walkie talkies, a brand new super duper state of the art compass, water to last 2 days, whistles, food rations and 3 flares! All for a 40 minute run!
The Circle
What did we think of the Run? ~ At 43 minutes, mandatory Hash Shit, but it was nice territory Hash Shit! Oh crikey, bugger.
Tell us about your On On? ~ It was going to be the Aussie Steak House but as it is CNY we decided onThe Red Lantern,
Next Week’s Run ~ Chinese New Year Run , Junction of Munshi Abdullah Ave and Old Yio Chu Kang Rd
Virgins: ~ Maria, Mike, Mark & Dora.
Visitors ~ Vibrator, Knobby Boy Scout, Roger, Fiona, Lincoln, (but where is Erika the virgin this week???) Sivert, Dog Mount, Lars, Sandpaper Sally, RTC, Paul, Chu Chu, Naval Dick, Grace
Returnees~ Malfunktion, King Leer
New Members ~ Annie, Nick, Tracey, Sooch. Welcome to LCHHH
Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Yes, we do, Sneaky Comer
· Sneaky does a comparison of the evolution progress between various countries. It appears that there is a correlation between the size of the gap between the big toe and the toe next to it. Aussies, having a fondness from getting around in flip flops, have a considerable gap between those 2 toes and therefore are placed at the top end of the evolution scale. He then takes a random sample of inhabitants from various other countries and measures their gap. The Germans, Ayam Sinking, Locals, Jack Off, and Americans, Slowcum, are all rated down from the Aussies quite a bit, while the Brits, Shaggy Dick 2 and Kiwis, Wet N Wild, are placed at the lower end of the human evolution scale. No surprising results really.
· Cock Radio then points out that in Australia, flip flops are known as thongs, and calls in G String, Goody Bags, Knickerless, Eleven and Twin Towers. It is possible to measure the firmness and tightness of the female posterior by measuring the gap with a drink bottle, as modelled by Eleven. Someone who is an expert on cracks (he is always trying to crack jokes) is brought in to do the crack testing with a water bottle. Coo Chi Coo takes great delight, and wants to be so accurate he measures each one twice. What dedication. I can’t remember what the actual results were as I was too busy watching to write anything down.
· Stiffy is shown a T shirt, worn by Mother Mary,that had a rather blunt message to the Poms. Can’t remember exactly what it said, something to the effect that all pommies are bastards!
And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Not Tonight.
· It appears that our esteemed newsletter has been printing some untruths about our esteemed leader, Astronut. Therefore Cock Radio is charged with violating the Hash lese majeste laws (taken directly from the law books of Thailand) in criticising our revered leader and is asked how he will plead. Unfortunately, my almost a good lawyer, Boo, was not there to represent me, so I pleaded guilty and received a 3 year sentence of writing the Hash newsletter. If Boo had been there I would have received 6 years!
· It has been determined that the recent ditching of the airliner into the Hudson River in NY was not due to a flock of Canadian Geese. It was due to Big Head changing into her Hash Gear in the cockpit (is cockpit a relation of mine?) of the plane in full view of the pilot, causing a loud bang followed by loss of altitude as the pilot struggled to control the flaps. Apparently the black box has been recovered; it is a little moist but in working order.
· The Americans are in for a Goodbye Bush charge and are all given a tube of hair removal cream.
And now...it’s definitely time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip~ Penile Extension
Carrying his daughter’s stuffed kangaroo and Joey, Penile has Phoney Dick in as a Bully look a like. As this is an Aussie birthday run and Bully had his 69th birthday the other week, Penile has Phoney lie on the ground and perform a 69 with Skippy the Kangaroo. Wasn’t a pretty sight I tell you.
Penile Extension took 50 copies of Banter and 50 copies of the sexy calendar with the girls in it to the Monday Hash. While we have all wondered about this men’s Hash and their sexual preferences, it was really no surprise that by the end of the night all the Banters were gone but there were still 49 calendars.
While it is Chinese New Year this weekend and we have a few days off, where are all the Chinamen? There are only 3 here. Where’s your wife Strapless? ‘I want to play hard tonight,’ was the reply.
Milestones ~ I thought we were going to get Knickerless in 401st run, then her 402nd, …. …so we could watch her bend over again?
The Prick~ Eleven finally gives it up. Lincoln brought along Erika the virgin girl last week but where is she this week Lincoln?? Eleven remembers her well, commenting that she was big up here (pointing to her breasts) and big back here (pointing to her butt). Personally, I didn’t notice any of those assets; I only looked at her eyes. Anyway, as Lincoln has failed to look after the virgin by getting her back again, we need another custodian of the virgins and what better person than Strapless who is wifeless tonight. But Eleven suggests that instead of him offering his body to the virgins and causing marital problems, he can offer them the prick instead. Bad luck Strapless.
A.O.B. Any Other Business ~
Ripper makes a very good choice by starting on Goody Bags and recalls how last year she was able to crack his stockman’s whip. Now it’s not just ant gal that can crack Ripper’s whip, so let’s see if Big Head can. As she prepares, Phoney Dick shows ultimate confidence by coming into the Circle with the Prick to use as a target. Oh no, I can’t look. And there goes the crack, she did it and the prick lives to come another day! Big Head then asks ‘Would anyone like to crack my whip?’ to which Shaggy Dick 2 replies ‘Lucky she said that the right way around!’ Potential for a Circus job you two, but don’t give up your day jobs. Satisfied, Ripper puts his whip away for another year.
Coo Chi Coo has a charge, regarding the Giant Viagra Award he received a while back. However, he has found someone else who is in more need of it than he is. Our newly married man Circle Jerk will need extra assistance because Eleven is approaching her sexual prime and will need lots of attention. Also, as Circle Jerk is now married, he will need a girlfriend, who will also need satisfying. The giant Viagra should get him through for a while.
Slowcum informs us that we have a champion amongst us. At the Perth Hash, the drinking contest was won convincingly by RTC, and just to show us his winning style he attempts to down a full jug of beer. He gave it a good showing, with just the bottom 1/3 proving too much. Burp!
Mr Potato Head was having a shower at his car parked along the road after the run. There was a rustling in the bushes, and out of the darkness emerged Ayam Sinking, looking rather flushed in the face. ‘Are you just getting back from the run?’ asked Mr.P.H., to which Ayam Sinking replied ‘No, I have been for a shit.’ Thanks for sharing that with us.
Stash inquires as to just who was in the taxi that was arriving as we set off down the road at the start of the run. Mmm, yes, 2 of our visitor friends. U turn in the jungle. Sorry, I missed the rest of the charge.
Ditch has a rustling charge too, it seems that one of the monkeys had it’s eyes on an unattended bag that was sitting under the shelter. So a Good Samaritan decided to move it to safety before the monkey grabbed it and ran up the nearest tree with it. And was the owner of the bag grateful for this act of kindness? No! Instead the owner abused the rescuer for moving his bag. Kan Not Can, you really are the meanest,......
As you may be aware, I am slightly clumsy and awkward when it comes to running, and remaining in an upright position can be a challenge for me at times. Therefore, I am really happy to have observed a new runner who is perhaps even more challenged in maintaining a vertical position while running than I am. In fact this gal has trouble keeping her feet even when she is just standing around. Tonight I had the pleasure of running behind SC when she stumbled on some loose branches. Staggering forward with her head down and swaying side to side, she gallantly managed to regain her balance, only to run head first into a tree. Her mother even has commented on her clumsiness, and there is a suggestion that she must have some disease because no one, apart from me, could naturally be that clumsy. So it is with the power invested in her that Big Head names SC ‘On Her Rear’ which has a nice ring to it when you say the 3 words together. OnHerEar.
Kan Not Can announces the Robbie Burns memorial Run, held last Sunday.
Big Head finishes off by giving Croc Hunter and Basket Case a Red Packet and wishes them Gong Xi Fa Cai.
On that note, it’s
On On On On!
Scribed by Cock Radio.
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