Numbers: Members: many. extras; a couple. Guests:  male: a few, plus 2 policemen.  female: also a few, Total about 80

         The Run

         After last week’s Aussie stuff up, it was time for the locals to show how it is done. Down the hill for the first obligatory T check saw a bottle neck as front runners got caught up behind walkers on the single file trail into the jungle. Some nice strolling while admiring nature at its finest when all of a sudden in the middle of nowhere we came across a small brick wall. I never saw Tarzan having to straddle a brick wall while he stalking a lion, all we need now is the kitchen sink. And 50 metres on, there it was, a discarded ceramic bowl of some sort. I suppose it could come in handy, Tarzan could pick it up and hit the lion over the head with it. On we went strolling and jogging through the jungle. The visitor in front of me was doing a fine job of finding every trip possible, putting both OnHerEar and myself to shame. Soon there was some squealing in the distance. A snake on the trail? No, some shiggy and a little stream. Seems that a few of the back girls are a little allergic to mud. Ayam Kampong was flustered, ‘I only have 1 pair of runners and I have to take them to Bali tonight,’ she lamented. Having helped the girls across the mud and up the embankment, I then set off after the rest of the pack, which was nowhere to be seen. Out of the jungle and into the big drain, the trail was clearly marked but still no sign of the front runners. Out of the drain and into some bush tracks, I saw Stash following Stiffy way off to the right and set off after them. Are you on Stash? No, I was just following Stiffy. So back we headed to try to find the last T Check, but unfortunately we couldn’t find a thing, apart from Phoney Dick, who was walking along a track. Stash, with his wealth of experience, took us into the back of Tagore and we ran through the migrant hostels until we finally picked up the pack at Teacher’s Estate. The only thing was, the pack was on one side of the fence and Stash, OnHerEar and myself were on the other. No problem, down the steps, into the Estate and 1.2km to home along the road. Oh yeah, and up the hills! Reaching the beer wagon, it was surprising to see the front runners already changed and into the beer. Wow, they must have run fast. Ahh, it seems the front runners who got back very early had actually missed a significant loop of the run when they followed a certain male into the bushes instead of following the very, very clearly marked trail down into the drain, which they assumed was too clearly well marked and was going to be a T check. Being the competitive bastards that they are, no one was prepared to go into the drain to see if it was a T, just in case they got left behind by the others. No one that is except Ziggy, who ran along the drain calling ‘On on,’ but no one believed him. In the meantime the rest of the pack had picked up the Home Trail and off they went, the blind leading the blind. Oh deary, deary me. Well, thanks Hares, I enjoyed the run.

The Circle

What did we think of the Run? ~ The Aussies break into a chant of ‘Hash Shit, Hash Shit, oi oi oi!’ This had nothing to do with their actual opinion of the run, they just wanted to get their names off the web site asap for their Hash Shit award last week! Neither could the short cutting front runners call for Hash Shit be considered either, their time has to be absolutely discarded in determining the length of the run. However, their is one person who will determine the status of this run and that is Mr. Mc Glue, who did the full run, and came in at just under 45 minutes, which would have been even quicker if he had Tiger Lily pushing him. Therefore, I am sad to say for our Chinese friends, it was a Hash Shit! This also has allowed the Aussies to get off the hook, and therefore possibly the shortest holders of the Hash Shit ever. Remember, all runs are good, but some are better than others!

Tell us about your On On? ~  Seletar Restaurant, Cactus Rd

Next Week’s Run ~ Car Park, Jalan Kuas, off Sembawang Hills Drive

Virgins:  ~ Not available

Visitors ~   There were

Returnees~ Also there were

New Members ~ No idea

Come back G String!!!

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Yes, we do, Boo.

·       Boo has a humble moment and thanks many of his local co hares for allowing him to use many of their trails. Boo humble???

·       We all know not to ever follow Boo, but never ever follow Boo when he leads you to bees. We know that Sharon Batu and Jack Off are very sweet and would attract bees in search of their golden nectar, but obviously these bees were not too fussy when they also took on Stiffy. We know that bees go to that big bee hive in the sky after they inject their sting, and it is no wonder that the one who got Jack Off on the bum passed away happily with a smile on his (or her?) face. The last dying words heard from the kamikaze bee that got Stiffy on the bum were ‘I wish I had gone for my annual optometrist check up.’ What a way to go, horrible. Not sure where Sharon Batu got stung but no doubt it was sweet and Bertie Bee died happily.

At this stage of proceedings, we had a visit from the local Constabulary who enquired ‘Hello, hello hello, what have we got going on here?’ and asked if we could explain the mysterious death of several bees in the neighbourhood.

·        Boo’s next charge could provide more credibility as to why the police arrived. Croc O Shit showered in his white underwear out in the street and of course the white underwear went transparent with water on it. Apparently 3 aunties peeping out their windows fainted but a neighbourhood dog was curious and approached Croc for a sniff. Who let the dogs out…

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Loose Change

·        Having 1 car only is a pain in the neck, or rather a pain in the Slack Arse, she moans. Showering with Slack Arse was a nightmare and they bickered and sniped over use of the shower. It ended with her having water splashed all over her jeans. But this was not the only bickering coming from a car after the run. Just a few cars up, Fiona and Roger were also having a go at each other. ‘I told you to bring the soap.’ ‘You expect me to do everything, you sit around on your bum all day…… ‘ and so it went on. No bickering like that comes from Shoe Shopper’s car where there’s often 5 or 6 of us showering together!

·        There are some shy people on the Hash, NO, not you Saliva, get out, and you too Phoney Dick. There were calls of ‘Help, help,’ heard from a female who was trying to maintain her modesty while changing after the run. Loose Change came to the rescue and lent her tent all in one to cover up with.

·        Croc O Shit was not the only one seen doing some flashing tonight. Also observed in some state of nudity were King Lear, Eleven, Tiger Lily, Cock Radio amongst others. King Lear then proceeds to strip off and chase the females around the Circle. Oh no, don’t do it!

And now...it’s definitely time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip~ Croc O Shit, who thankfully is not dressed in his transparent underwear.

·        Croc O Shit claims he comes to the run serious and ready to run, ‘Bullshit, bullshit……’ unlike so many other Hashers he continues. ‘Bullshit,’ interjects Stash, ‘I saw your Heart Rate Monitor and it didn’t even move!’ Undeterred, Croc continues, telling how he travelled a long way to run tonight, only to get a short run which did not test him at all. And who is to blame for this? The Hares? No, the culprit was Ditch. It was Ditch who led the pack into the bush, ignoring the clearly marked trail down the drain, and it was Ditch who found the Home Trail. This resulted in ½ the pack missing a third of the run and getting back early and meant that Croc O Shit blemished his record by inadvertently taking a short cut, something that he never ever does.  Sounds like more Bullshit to me………

·        But there were other fine athletes here to have a serious run Croc O Shit tells us. Astronut begins to walk into the Circle, until Croc tells him ‘I said athletes, not arseholes,’ and Astronut retreats into the shadows. Things were so serious on this run that there was actually drafting taking place. Yes, Tiger Lily was seen drafting Croc O Shit, running behind him as he smashed his way through the jungle, clearing the trail of thorns, trips and spider webs so she could have an easy passage. And what did she do as soon as they burst out of the jungle? Ran past him in the last 300 meters to win!. Umm, Croc, sorry to tell you this, but Tiger Lily wasn’t actually drafting, you were just too big for her to get past. Nice try though.

·        Croc O Shit remembers when he first joined the Hash, everyone was so welcoming and treated him nicely. And what has he been getting all this week? Greetings of ‘Gong Xi Fat Boy!’ And ‘Do you want a quadruple xxx CNY T Shirt like last year?’

·        And where is Haberdash tonight? We had a visitor who wanted to buy a Hash shirt. In comes Boom Boom, who actually made Croc O Shit look petite! Perhaps 4 of tonight’s CNY  towels sown together would fit him?

Milestones ~ Knickerless was due for her 402, so we could watch her bend over again. What happened?

            200 Runs - Slack Arse well done, so you are not such a slack arse after all! Wait a minute, it’s taken him 25 years to achieve 200 runs? You Slack Arse! We won’t order your 300^th award just yet hey.

            600 Runs – The big one, Poser. Oh, so that’s why she has actually been running on trail lately! Well done.

            1000 Runs – (and 1000 Short cuts!) Hooray. And in typical fashion, he short cuts his down down and fails to finish his beer!  We call on Hooray to sing us a song, …… Top stuff!

The Prick~ Strapless received a phone call from a hasher asking where the run was, as there didn’t appear to be any runners to be seen anywhere. ‘Why, where are you?’ enquires Strapless. ‘At Lim Chu Kang Rd.’ comes the reply. ‘No, no, no, not Lim Chu Kang, Ko Chu Kang!’ explains Strapless. Seems like Machine can’t tell his Lim Chu Kangs from his Yo Chu Kangs , they all look alike to him!

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~

·        Stash notes that there was a request in the newsletter to wear red tonight, but he had trouble finding something in his wardrobe that was Chinese and red. ‘Ah, here’s 2006 CNY shirt, but hang on, it’s no good because it’s grey,’ he lamented. ‘Let’s try 07,’ he thinks. No, that was a white towel. ‘Well, what about 08?’ he ponders hopefully. Nope, that was a white shirt. (Only poofs got the red shirt he reckons) And what is tonight’s CNY offering? A white towel, that is now a brownish color from the mud and will probably have a pinkish tinge tomorrow after going through the wash. Chicken Shit and Boo take the rap.

·        Timor Leste decides it’s time to wind the neighbours up a bit more and sings a rowdy rendition of ‘Caught your bollocks in a rat trap.’

·        Mr Potato Head reminds us of the sign after the jungle at the bottom of Teachers Estate that said ‘Home 1.2km.’ This sent one serious runner, with a sight problem, into raptures. ‘Yippee, yippee, 12kms to Home.’ shouted Tiger Lily. Oh dear!

·        Coo Chi Coo went to say something to Lubrikant, then realised it wasn’t him but a twin look a like. In comes Lubrikant and his twin look a like, Roger. Coo Chi Coo then puts forward a Hash name for Roger, which just has to be ‘Reciprikant.’ And that is now how he shall forever be known!

·        Slowcum points out that Cock Radio is always good at helping damsels in distress, but where was he tonight when Krystal was having difficulties getting changed after the run? No where to be seen. Give lost opportunities a note!

·        Stiffy was reading a magazine when he came across a bike shop advertisement. It contained all the normal things in it that bike shops sell, like bikes. But there in tiny fine print at the bottom of the ad was a sentence saying ‘We specialise in ladies sports gear.’ What else do we expect from Coo Chi Coo, he probably personally measures and fits for size all the ladies bike seats to their bums too!

·        Kan Not Can produces a mass sit down of the Circle, then tells us about the Burns Night run the other Sunday. All the Scots are brought in, along with everyone who attended. Everyone then got a beer, but the Scots who weren’t there got a soft drink instead. Shame!

·        Tiger Lily observed that OnHerEar was in for that last charge for the Burns Run. Hey, she’s not Scottish, in fact she is Chinese. So what was she doing at a Scots run on Chinese New Year Eve? What about the family reunion??

·        Never miss a business opportunity. Tiger Lily was casually  having a chat after the run with Crystal about needing some tuition (I’m not sure in what, possibly how to prepare whale meat?) when low and behold, Crystal just happens to do that and pulls out a business card for Tiger. Soliciting on the run?

·        Circle Jerk thinks that Cherry Picker is such a dedicated Hasher, he can’ even relax while on holiday. On a recent trip to Padang (?) Cherry Picker came back with scratches all over him that surely had to come from doing a recee. Get a life Cherry Picker! (or a girl that trims her finger nails?)

·        The Chinese are in for their Happy Chinese New Year, with an attempted sabotage by the Aussie contingent singing ‘All Chinese are born illegitimate,’

And on that note, it’s

On On On On!

Scribed by Cock Radio.

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