Numbers: Members: 65 ran. extras; 3 Guests:  male: 6, female: 8, Total 82

       The Run

        With the past 2 runs being Hash Shits, would the erectiles stand firm and not succumb to the pressure? Things were looking grim before the run as Stiff looked up at the approaching rain clouds. This, combined with a rather dodgy start to the run had a smile on all the Chinese’ faces with a possibility that they were going to be quickly relieved of Hash Shit Holders. A bit of road running and checks, mmm, where is this run going? Across to Old Upper Thompson Rd and it was into the jungle. Ah, this is more like it. As we entered the trail, Penile Extension was on hand telling the females to be wary of the wild boars on heat that they may encounter. Was he serious or just telling a porky? Wet Patch found the going tough in the early stages and managed to find and stumble on every trip possible. He blamed it on jet lag, but I suspect it may have more to do with 10 beers and 2 bottles of red he consumed on the flight. Out of the jungle and onto a road. Why, it looks like Old Upper Thompson Rd again. Why, it is Old Upper Thompson Rd. The tarmac didn’t last long because there again was Penile Extension guiding us into more jungle. Eventually we came across a little market garden area in the thick of the jungle, complete with an irrigation system that appeared to be drawing on water from the Reservoir! Very resourceful. This was also a great place for a Circle Check as there were tracks going in all directions. Eventually a call was heard from Shiggy Piggy away in the trees somewhere but we had no idea on how to get to him. Bashing our way through the bush, a final obstacle remained between us and trail, a stream at the bottom of an embankment. ‘How do we get across that?’ asked Shaggy Dick. ‘Jump!’ said Cheeks Out and so Shaggy jumped and sunk in mud up to his bollocks. The rest of us, including Cheeks Out, decided that perhaps jumping was not the best approach to getting across, so we carefully sought out the firm ground, using Shaggys’s head as the final stepping stone to get up the other side. More jungle trails until we emerged onto the road down into Upper Pierce Reservoir. Reaching the stream at the bottom, we turned right, because that was the way Penile Extension was directing everyone. But this turned out to be just a cunning ploy, because it was a long T check. Back the other way we go and up the hill and into the jungle, knocking over Phoney Dick, Twin Towers and others who were coming down. Of course it was another T check, but this one had the caught the walkers out! More bush trails that offered some great panoramic views of the Reservoir until we came to a waterway. ‘No, no need to get your feet wet there, follow me,’ said Boo. So sure enough, those of that followed Boo didn’t get their feet wet, but they did trudge through 50 metres of mud and ended up left miles behind the pack. Stash was implicated in the leadership of this group but claims he actually found a way through. Finally we emerged onto the board walk at Lower Pierce Reservoir, scaring the wits out of a film crew who were trying to get some quiet sunset shots of nature. On the road back, Handbag got a bit competitive as I tried to catch him, so he put his head down, pumped his legs and ran and ran and ran. In fact he ran all the way to the bottom of Old Thompson Rd, having missed the turn off. I thought about calling him back, but I didn’t want to upset his rhythm! Well done Hares, good use of the area.

The Circle

What did we think of the Run? ~ No doubt about it, this was a good run.

Tell us about your On On? ~  It was going to be on site, but the caterer pulled out at the last moment. So it’s up the road to the Bavarian House restaurant for fish & chips, lamb shank, soup and desert provided at very very short notice, (and they did a good job given the conditions.) Tasmanian Beer provided by the Hares also went down well.

Next Week’s Run ~ Handbag, Pasir Ris.

Virgins:  ~ Richard

Visitors ~   Jurassic Dick, IB, Roger, Fiona, Stifler, Mike, Dick Wanker, Sex Change, Too Easy, Grace, Boom Boom

Returnees~  Down Under

New Members ~ Half Cut

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Yes, we do, Stiff.

·        Stiff tells us that Penile Extension is normally cool, calm and collected, but today! The loss of their caterer at the last moment appeared to fluster him somewhat, which possibly explains why he sent the back runners and walkers up a very long T Check, which they managed to break first, thus causing the FRB’s to miss it. Woops!

·        Peeking Ong was then charged for unacceptable behaviour with a minor out on the run. Not sure of the details, but probably just as well because we don’t want the truth to spoil a good charge. Not that this newsletter is misleading, untruthful or mischievous in any way!

·       Penile Extension then takes over as the Hare Whip and charges Boo for complaining that the on on was too close to the car park! Obviously Boo prefers a 5km drive to the on on.

·       Another tag and Stiff is back in as the Hare whip. These guys tag more than the wrestlers on TV. Anyway, happy Birthday is acknowledged to Penile Extension and Stiffler. Thanks for the run guys, cheers.

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Wet Patch

·       Standing around at 5.57, Wet Patch, having just got off a plane from the land of oil, was approached by the GM with outstretched hand. ‘What a nice greeting,’ he thought, ‘This is a friendly welcoming club.’ Welcoming be buggered, ‘Wet Patch, I need you to be a mystery Whip.’ Said the GM, followed quickly by ‘Gather round!’, thus leaving Wet Patch no chance to even open his mouth or shake his head.

·       Wet Patch has been into the ‘This day in History’ pages and found out that on this day 51 years ago, the plane carrying the Manchester United team crashed, and it was 56 years ago theat Queen Elizabeth sat on the throne. Surely she has a sore bum by now and should get off? God save the Queen, and Liverpool.

·       After 50 metres of the run, the Hares were looking down the barrel of a Hash Shit as the pack struggled to make it past the end of the car park. However, a discretionary shout by one of the Hares got the pack off correctly. ‘Not that way you wankers,’ was the call that saved the Hares. Well done Stiff.

·       Crossing Old Thompson Rd, there was a bit of a collision and tangle between 2 runners. ‘Sorry about dat.’ said one apologetically. ‘You will be if you bloody well do it again mate!’ said the other in reply. In comes Cherry Picker and Cock Radio, and we leave it to you to work out who said what!

·       Wet Pet was following the Germans at one stage, which was only marginally better than following Boo, at least Boo speaks English on the run. Wet Patch picked up some bad language being spoken in German, and gets Cherry Picker and his German mate in, for dat, de must pay de penalty.

·       The sound of someone tripping could be heard at one stage, not uncommon in the jungle, but this trip was followed by a ‘pop.’ So just what did go ‘pop’ when Cherry Picker tripped? Apparently he ‘popped’ Tiger Lily!!!  That never happens to me when I trip.

·       It’s bad enough to wear new shoes on the Hash, but it is doubly worse when your name is Shoe Shopper.

And now...it’s definitely time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip~ Tiger Lily, who looks none the worse despite being popped earlier  in the night.

·        Shaggy Dick, Half Cut & C**ntfused  are in as Tiger Lily attempted to demonstrate how she got popped. Arthur and Martha are mentioned but I could make no sense of this charge, nor could I tell Arthur from Martha!

·        The Hares are brought in and charged for something very deserving, just what it was I don’t know, but crikey, they bloody well deserved every bit of it!

·        Who got so drunk at last week’s On On that they left their wallet in the toilet, where they had just spent more than a penny?  In fact they had spent 30 minutes in there! In you come, Kan Not Can, and don’t try to climb the ornamental CNY mandarin tree again. Kan Not Can then leaves the Circle the same way he left the On On last week. Horizontally placed across Boom Booms shoulders and given the ‘Helicopter’ wrestling hold.

Milestones ~ Knickerless was due for her 403, so we could watch her bend over again. What happened? Well, we can only keep on trying!

The Prick~ Machine comes in waving his Prick in the air, explaining how he is helping G String out with her dual roles of Assistant Hash cash and Haberdash. It is then quickly suggested that he stop waving the prick about as a family walks through the car park. Then on he continues, telling us that one night he even sold $68 worth of gear. Fantastic effort he thinks. But apparently the Committee told G String this is not good enough, and that instead of waiting for customers to come to him, he should go looking for customers.  So off he goes, out into the Circle seeking out potential customers. ‘Wait Machine, you’ll scare off all the customers waving the Prick around like that!’ But he manages to find one beautiful young girl who is not worried by the Prick. ‘Would you like to buy this skimpy little Hash singlet C**ntfused, we have special offer. Buy one get one Prick free.’ Great sales work Machine, well done.

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~

·        The GM advertises the Monday Men’s Hash Celebration Run at turf City on March 21^st Of course females can join in on this one, and The Tom, Dick and Harry Band will be playing. (they played at last D&D). Should be a good night, check our events calendar for website.

·        Shaggy Dicks fills us in on a free magazine called ‘The Big Issue.’  It is distributed in London by people down on their luck, the homeless, druggies, rapists, muggers etc. and it is up to people to give them a bit of money as a tip. Shaggy was on a field trip with his students and was travelling through the corner of Orchard and Paterson Rd in the school bus when one of his British students, who was looking out the window, got very excited.’Look Mr. Humphries Sir, theres one of them poor blighters that give out the Big Issue. So Shaggy looks out the window and there on the corner is Penile Extension handing out copies of the Banter. Furthermore, if you open up your Banter you will Penile Extension’s name next to ‘Manager of sales and marketing.’  Shaggy reckons that’s a big name for someone who stands on a street corner handing out free copies of a magazine.

·        Comes Quietly gave Sneaky Comer a ride to the run, so Sneaky decided to pop the bonnet of the car before the run to place his water bottles on the engine so he would have warm water later for his shower. What a Sneaky guy he is. But on lifting the bonnet, Sneaky found there were already several bottles in place. Had Comes Quietly put them there, or perhaps another passenger? ‘No,’ said Comes Quietly, ‘you are the only one that does that.’ ‘Oh shit,’ says Sneaky, ‘they are my bottles, I must have put them there and forgotten them.’ Then Comes Quietly reminds him that would have been back in December, the last time he gave Sneaky a ride. Give Mr. Forgetful a note.

·        Sneaky Comer follows up the last charge directed at him, and asks Comes Quietly when the last time was that he checked the oil and water in his car? Obviously not since December.

·        Sneaky then has a go at Penile Extension for supplying useless information on the run. Calls of ‘Hole,’ ‘Swing back,’ ‘Thorns’ etc are all very handy things to say, but ‘Hogs on heat?’

·        Boom Boom thanks the Hash for the great time he had here, and threatens that he will be back next time. He then leaves with a deserved charge on Boo  who told him at one stage on the run ‘Don’t go that way through the water, I know a short cut. So Boom Boom followed Boo and sure enough he missed the water crossing. Instead he waded 50 meters through mud over his knees and ended up 300 meters behind the rest of the pack. Well, we told you, ‘Don’t follow Boo.’

·        Sex Change tells us that he has been around the Hash a bit and seen lots of things. But tonight he had a new exciting experience when he got behind Eleven. He does a bit of an impersonation by putting his hand down his pants, not realizing that the Circle has moved aside to let a cat through, the headlights of which are shining directly onto him. Anyway, it seems that Eleven did a magic act out on the run. Putting her hands down her pants, as demonstrated expertly by Sex Change who seems to be quite experienced at this sort of thing, she pulled out her knickers, threw  them into the bushes, and kept running. Is the effect that Sex Change has on females?

·        Bully has noticed that there is a dog on Goody Bags shirt, which reminds him that it is the Dog Hash tomorrow.

·        Boom Boom told Haberdash that he needed something for his girlfriend. So G String pulled out a very sexy little singlet, about Asian size triple small, saying this would look very sexy on her. The only problem is that Boom Boom’s girlfriend is a 6 foot tall hockey player with a chest measurement of 105cm DD. Umm, yeah, maybe that would be stretching things too far!

·        Astronut knows that the British economy is struggling a bit, but flying the flag upside down, which is an international sign of distress, at a dinner for the Chinese leader was going a little too far. As a Labor supporter, Wet Patch is forced to take responsibility for this stuff up.

On On On On!

Scribed by Cock Radio.

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