Numbers: Members: 61 ran. extras; 5 (66) Guests:  male: 11, female: 8,(19)  Total 85

       The Run

     ‘On on,’ is that way said the Hare, so that way we went, towards the model plane club, only to be confronted by a double T Check. Back into the bush and up the hill, to be confronted by a big green fence which seems to have expanded further out into the bush since last time. Single file walking along an overgrown track resulted in a bit of frustration and road rage from some of the more serious runners who were caught back in the middle of the pack. Strapless donned a hard helmet and took the high path along the fence. At the end of the fence, there was still a considerable traffic jam as the trail remained single file up the hill into the bush. Boo took a turn to the left where there was a drain, but decided it was too difficult for even him to short cut. I decided to give it a go anyway, and left the snaking line of runners to fight it out amongst themselves. It was a tricky drain to follow. My first strategy was to shuffle sideways along the top while clinging to the fence. Realising that it could be quite some time to reach civilisation while employing this method, I decided on a different tactic. Placing a foot ¾ of the way up the drain on either side, I was able to balance myself keeping equal force on each foot and made good progress. Meanwhile, up the hill in the bushes, I could hear the pack calling ‘Keep running,’ as the frustrations continued. My legs astride tactics worked well until I realised that the drain was getting wider and wider the further I went. Goody Bags would have had no problems stretching her legs apart, but the inside of my thighs were rapidly being tested and stretched to the limit. Crikey! Fortunately I reached the end of the drain at the construction site, just as the first runners came down out of the bushes. The 2^nd runner out was Cheeks Out, which was rather surprising as she had been behind me at the start of the traffic jam, so just how she managed to get to the front was a mystery. Perhaps she used the emergency lane? While she and a male visitor, who was decked out in long running tights that would have looked more at home in a triathlon, looked aimlessly around for trail, yours truly found the sign left by the Hare telling us to enter the construction site, stick to the fence line, and exit at the gate on the far side. Who in their right mind would short cut across the middle with that bloody big pile driver operating?  Disappointed that the Hare didn’t provide us with helmets for the crossing though!! Up the hill and into the bush before coming up to the rocky hills. Boo had us going over the back and into the hidden gully, causing the FRB; s to make a mad scramble down the ravine, causing a number of avalanches along the way. Thank heavens Malfunktion wasn’t up there, could have been a disaster!   After making our way to the top of yet another rocky plateau, once more the call was from down, causing yet another mad scramble down the loose rocks.  Your scribe, along with Running Shit, managed to find the narrow home trail into the bushes before everyone else and had a clear run to home with no traffic congestion. Running Shit decided to be a competitive bastard, turning the last 500 metres into a sprint for home and it was all over in 48 minutes for us, with the rest of the pack back by the 1 hour mark.

The Circle

As Astronut was totally squashed – nothing to do with the pile driver in the construction site! -  He was actually playing in a squash tournament, and could not make the Run, a Mystery GM was the order of the day. Strapless has been rehearsing all week, by drinking copious amounts of beer and telling Chicken Shit that it was time for him to get out his Mystery Whip. 

What did we think of the Run? ~ After a random sample was taken, it was decided that this was a good run, even vary vary good. ‘He’s the meanest, he ..............,’

Tell us about your On On? ~  Different Tastes, 10 mile Junction, $12

Next Week’s Run ~ Sweet Thighs and Ditch, Chestnut Ave, meeting point 3

Virgins:  ~ Line, Aw, Yulanta, Vivian

Visitors ~    Jungle F**cker, Poodle Prick, Robert, Trand, Thunder Ball, Martin, Dog Mount, Camel, Lincoln, Great Balls of Fire.

Returnees~  Bagless

New Members ~

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Yes, we do, Kan Not Can

This was a run of impediments!

·       First the Hare ran foul of the model plane club, who had changed the lock over. Who was to blame for this? Well, the last here was Running Shit, he’ll do, except he’s not here, so Croc O Shit will do instead. ‘This is all bullshit he complains …’

·       Having thought he had sorted out the key issue, KNC drove through the gate and Chicken Shit immediately suggested he try the Bukit Batok Community Centre for a key. Thanks, sounds like more bullshit ……! Thanks to the Shit Family for the assistance.

·       Next the Hare was confronted by a new construction site right across his trail, with no way around it. Luckily the Foreman was very understanding and allowed us to sneak through, as long as everyone shifted 2 barrows of concrete along the way! Thanks Mr.Chee. The site will be an institute for the autistic, so Cock Radio comes in as a rep. and Shaggy Dick 2 as a teacher.

·       For the final impediment, namely a bush fire that had destroyed half the area, the Hare gets in a smoker, and of course SD2 remains in and Cumpuss is called also but where is she? Out the back having a fag and starting another bush fire!

So apart from those minor impediments, KNC had no trouble setting this run! Well done lad! Don’t know why you were so concerned though over those minor impediments, you worry wart!

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Armless

·        Armless was very impressed by a Hasher who went by the name of Rob King Scott. ‘Who gave you that name?’ he asked. ‘Mmm, I don’t have a Hash name.’ was the reply from Rob King Scott. Could be another Boo with real name his Hash name?

·        Dominator was sitting on the gutter and Armless suggested that she should be careful of ants as they are prone to crawl into every available hole they can find. With a smile on her face, Dominator confessed that a few had crawled in already!

She then claimed ‘At least there is something coming into me!’

 ‘What do you mean?’ asked Armless.

‘Well, it’s a change to have something moving in me.’ she explained.

In you come Bully, ‘you ought to be publicly ……’

The GM has been reviewing the accounts and it was pointed out that beer costs continue to go up. And after watching the Hash Brew in action, it is no wonder. Goody Bag was pouring ‘1 beer for me, 1 beer for the Circle, 1 beer for me, 1 beer for the Circle, 1……….’

And now...it’s definitely time.....for...the ...Mystery Mystery Whip~ In and Out is in.

·        In and Out tells us how he is always looking forward to Fridays run. ‘Bullshit, bulll shit, it alls sounds like….’ Undaunted, he goes on and tells us about the friendship, virgin territory, cold beer, enjoyable scenery, fun etc etc. However, what did he get tonight? A rubbish dump, pre cast concrete site, construction site, burnt out jungle and so on. In comes the Hare for ruining In and Outs Friday night! A bit harsh I thought, the beer was cold at least!

·        As it has been a rather dry start to the year (not Too Dry though cause she is still in US!), the Hare should be congratulated for finding the only bit of shiggy for 30kms. Strapless was having a bit of trouble negotiating the slippery muddy surface, until he found by  using a swoosh swoosh sync leg/arm action, he could slide along effortlessly. Good to see his Kung Fu training being put to good use! ‘Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, it was as fast as lightning, ……..’

·        In and Out, who is still in, has been watching the Aussie firefighter heroes battling the bush fires ( Gypsy acknowledges that GW was responsible for a lot of problems in the world during his term as President, but really he had nothing to do with the fires in Australia and the Aussies are out of place by calling them Bushfires!) Anyway, it appears that the typical Aussie firefighter hero has to have certain traits. * Balding * Beer gut * hairy chest* good with his hose.  In comes Bully, Cock Radio and Comes Quietly, who all appear to be pretty good at handling their hose. But behind every good firefighter there is a good woman to make him a good cup of tea after he has been squirting his hose into all types of virgin bush all day. Well done Shoe Shopper, now can you hold our hose for us?

And that’s over and out for In and Out.

Milestones ~ We want Knickerless!!!

The Prick~  it was missing last week, why Jack Off? Jack Off explains that it was cheaper for her to take the prick to Bangkok last week for a business trip than it was to buy an air ticket for Slowcum. Anyway, it was noted that there was quite a bit of road rage tonight, or should that be run rage? Anyway, there was a bit of pushing and bullying happening on the narrow trails. Ad Naseum, Croc O Shit and Cheeks Out are named as 3 of the culprits. By default, Croc O Shit gets the prick because the other 2 are absent from the Circle!

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~

·        Sneaky Comer has been reading up on his Fairy Tales, and tonight was reminded of Cinderella and the Prince trying to find which foot would fit into the slipper. It was pointed out on the run that Numbutt had a very clear hand print on her butt, who could it belong to? ‘Not me,’ declared Cock Radio, ‘see my hand is too big,’ as he placed his hand onto Numbutt’s bum. What a way to prove your innocence!!

·        C*nt Dracula recalls the story of one of his Belgium neighbours, a Dutch tourist who risked his life to save a life by jumping into the Singapore River. Not only did he make the news headlines , but he received a Certificate of Courage for his valour. And so was he full of pride in the knowledge he saved a human life? No, all he could do was moan about the $90 hospital bill he got for fixing a few wounds he received in his heroic effort. If he had known in advance, he probably would have asked the victim if they had $90 on them before he jumped in and rescued them!  In comes Cumpuss as our Dutch representative ‘They’re the meanest, they suck     ……….’

·        Ditch announces ‘Ladies and Gentlemen,…’ and of course everyone looks at him rather puzzled with blank faces. Just who is he talking to? Anyway, don’t forget the Men’s 2500^th run coming up on March 21^st, Turf City, with the Tom, Dick and Harry Band.

·        Cherry Picker heard a conversation after the run, between Goody Bags and Ulanta, who is visiting from Chengdu. (‘Oh shit,’ says Goody Bags.)

Goody Bags asked Ulanta, who has natural blonde hair and a chest size considerably larger than most Chinese, ‘Is Ulanta a Chinese name?’

 ‘No, of course not,’ smiled Ulanta.

‘Yes it is,’ insisted Goody, ‘it’s a dialect.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ insisted Ulanta.

“Yes, it means ‘I have a dick, ” replied Goody Bags with authority. Oh dear!

·        Jungle F**cker – is he responsible for the bush fires?-  claims he was sexually abused on the run tonight. There he was adjusting his clothing while on the run (just exactly what that means I have no idea)  and got some encouraging advice from Tiger Lily as she ran past. But then came a traumatic experience as he felt a hand brushing his arse as someone ran past and all he could see was the back of the culprit disappearing into the bush. In comes Sneaky Comer as the alleged receding arse culprit.  (was there a hand print left behind?)

·        A number of Birthday runners were then congratulated, can’t remember who they were cause I was too busy complaining that it was my birthday last week and I should be in too! Happy Birthday to us all!!

On that note,

On On On On!

Scribed by Cock Radio.

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