The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Tiger Lilly

The run was full of pricks and seamen, very horny, oops, thorny one for all the Harriett’s!

I surely enjoyed the run!  There were 4 (?) checks on trail. The 1st one was on up the hill and the trail went off to the jungle.  Indeed the 1st check was very predictable and an experienced hasher like BUT WIPER kept chanting "there's a check, there's a check".  I trotted along just in case there is no check ahead, whilst SHAGGY DICK TOO darted off to the circle check.  My sixth sense told me that trail leads to the path in the jungle so I went back to the jungle and followed the trail and there it was! 

In the jungle, we followed the elephant horn (!) The visitor hasher OBS had the most extraordinary horn!  I said to CHEEKS OUT "I thought there was an elephant in a jungle" and COCK RADIO somehow so happy about my comment. I wonder why??? 

In between the 2nd and the 3rd checks, there was a long single file in the jungle. Funny thing was we bumped into an ordinary (means non-hashers) Singaporean couple in the middle of nowhere. What were they doing???  Bird-watching???  (What sort?) 

The 3rd check was on the path. It was rather difficult to break the check.  I went up and down twice aimlessly but couldn't find the trail.  Seamen were blindly following KANNOT KAN even though I told them he was just checking. They may have had some other agenda in the jungle...

The trail continued back in the jungle.  By this time, all the FRBs are far apart. I followed FRONT SEAT WANKER up to the 4th check. At the 4th check, we bumped into SUZIE WONG, that was a BIG surprise! Where did she come from??? And how??? Mysterious lady she is!  At this stage, I heard that a lot of hashers got lost, but I was just following the trail then I saw BOO.  BOO said follow the path and not the road, so I did. 

The rest was pretty straight back home 2.5km on road.  When I saw "2.5km On Home" on road I was happy that I can run another 2.5km then I thought about SUZIE WONG at the last check. I am sure she would love this distance! Overall, the trail was a good one! Well done, new committee!

The Circle by Half Cut

What did we think of the Run? ~ General consensus - it was a ‘good run’.  The navy boys, all seven of them, agreed, although, as Jack Off pointed out, they were virgin runners and didn’t have anything much to compare it too – although being a committee run and Jack Off being on the Committee I am wondering whose side she was on.

Tell us about your On On? ~ The Ah Orh Seafood Restaurant, 22 Sin Ming Road.

Good food and good company with some songs thrown in.

Next Week’s Run ~ The Norwegian Constitution Day run, Port Road, Labrador Park

Hare:  Steffen Tunge (Note:  Steffen is unnamed so hashers watch for any faux-pas)

Virgins:  ~ Eleven (11).

[Note from the editor: Circle Jerk, how can this be? Are you not doing your duty?]

Visitors (incl. virgins)  ~    Kerrie, Gemma, Dave, Jim, Jane, Roger, Crash, John, Tenzy, Sooty, Jocelyne, Cayo, Kiwi Sausage, Next Time,  Dog MountButt Wiper, Eunuch, Teeny Weeny

Returnees~ OBS, Sex Change

New Members ~

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Yes, we do, Boo

·       Eunuch came into the circle along with Gonorreah who had asked Eunuch if that was really his name – down down in order.

·       Ross, one of the naval virgins was brought into the circle.  He lost one of his shoes in the shiggy during the run and had unsuccessfully tried to dig for it while a few seasoned hashers stood around gleefully watching. 

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Loose Change

·       Loose Change brought visitor OBS into the circle and charged him for not getting his facts right when he asked her if she was Black Widow.  OBS’s response ‘Well she is blond and has tits’ fully justified Loose Change’s charge.

·       Notwithstanding, Loose Change did admit that she and Black Widow do have something in common.  Both have, on occasion, been stuck in the jungle with virgin sailors.  The two sailors she had found herself  ‘up to her elbows in mud’ with were called in for down downs

And now...it’s definitely time....for...the ..Mystery Mystery Whip~ Stiffy

·       GM received a charge from Stiffy in regards an incident he was closely involved with.  Not Tonight sent a letter to the committee which was consequently published, unbeknownst, apparently, to the GM, because he, when he did reply, stated that he would ensure the letter WAS published.

The Prick~ :   If Jack Off had had her way, Eunich would have been given the prick tonight and thoroughly deserved it would have been too, but luck was on his side and the prick was not in attendance – be warned Eunich - there is always next week.

[note from the editor: This comes at no surprise. The Prick still fully enjoyed by the Monday Boys. Will we ever get it back?]

Milestones ~ 

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~

·       Jack Off called all the sailors into the circle and gave them a down down for ‘racing’ past her on the run.  She gave them the adage ‘Thou shall not race’ and one of them actually apologized !!! She had him fooled

·       Coo Chi Coo charged himself for apparently impregnating lots of Singaporean girls.  Sorry No Good if I got that wrong.

·       Peeking Ong brought Eunuch into circle for calling ‘Trail’ and not ‘On On ‘.  Eunich was in for it tonight.

·       Ripper called Jack Off into the circle to receive a down down for ‘too much information’ when she said to Barry, while on the run, ‘there’s a hole in the front’.

·       OBS called virgin Judy in for showing up for the run in new shoes and proceeded to pour her down down into her shoe amid a few protests.  She downed it being a good sport. 

·       Jack Off called Penile Extension into the circle and charged him with new everything -  shoes, socks AND shorts. 

·       Iron Crotch called Half Cut into the circle and advised that Half Cut had called her seeking assistance with her notes – down down given - Half Cut then called Iron Crotch into the circle for not being able to assist her as she had not paid attention at the circle.

·       Shoe Shopper then called Half Cut into the circle and gave her a down down for, not only, also ringing her for assistance but also leading her to believe that she had phoned her because she was obviously the best person to ring because she was the smartest and most likely person to have been paying attention.

·       DIY called Boo in to charge him for setting the run in a national park but then using fluorescent paint on and in the park to mark the run.

·       Shoe Shopper charged Wet n Wild and Half Cut for, basically, being blond.

·       Ayam Kampong gave Iron Crotch, Eureka and Ameeta, the three sisters, a down down  for making Hash such a family affair and bringing along Ameeta who is visiting Singapore.

·       Too Easy called in Loose Change who had said to Fat Crushing Bastard ‘how is your daughter’ meaning Too Easy, of course. 

Half Cuts Plagarism:

Please Note all non-lovers of poetry:  Stop right now – do not read any further -  it will do none of us any good whatsoever – I will just end up getting charged for some obscure reason and you will be left to wonder why !!!.

Straits Times 02/05/09

“Cherry blossom time in Kyoto - Janice Tay Correspondent

‘Flowers bloom even in the dark.  And sometimes, that’s the best time to see them.

I leave the quiet dark of Kiyamachidori for Gion Shirakawa.  Even before I get there, I can see a crowd swarming in that direction and I fall in line behind an elderly woman.  As she passes in front of a car, the headlights catch her skirt for an instant:  It is as pale as sakura and as pink.

I follow the skirt to the flowers. ‘Freakin’awesome’.   Says someone next to me.  I turn to see a young man with dyed hair and ripped jeans.  Took the words right out of my mouth.

A geisha sweeps past me, her painted neck rising like a pale stalk out of a pearly kimono.  She hurries away so fast she is almost running.

I continue in darkness to the next jewel box of lit-up sakura, spending long moments with a tree frothing a pale pink fountain.  ‘It looks like fireworks,’ says a woman beside me.  It does – but fireworks frozen at the moment of explosion, pressed up against a sky that can’t bear to let them go.

A young woman on a bike zips over one of the little bridges spanning the canal.  The sight of the flowers overhead stops her short. Reaching into a pocket of her long red coat, she pulls out a pink phone.  She holds it up to the trees but leans too far out and her bike falls. Picking herself up, she manages to take a picture of the sakura, then trundles off, a little unsteady, into the night.  Cherry blossoms can have that effect on people. 

A young mother beside me seems rooted to the spot, her eyes fixed on the sakura above. ‘Aren’t you going to take photos?’ asks her daughter.  The woman doesn’t move.  ‘They’re in my eyes – there are some pictures you take with your mind.’

Hash Confucius:  Pure Poetry. 

On On On On!  

Scribed by Half Cut

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