The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Shoe Shopper

Well I figured Half Cut had asked me to write the run report due to my infallible sense of direction and vast geographical knowledge, but then remembered she’d asked Tiger Lily to do it last week so that kind of blew that theory out of the water... 

 Anyway, the short version is as follows:  We ran around in a kind of anticlockwise-ish direction, starting and finishing at the big green truck.  You are free to skip the next paragraph but if you are really bored, or reading this at work, here’s the longer version:  The majority of the pack set off through a hole in the fence, heading right, whilst the SCB’s cut through the car park, thereby missing the first loop, not to mention a spectacular view of Sentosa’s backside. 

We ran along Labrador Park, then up the stairs to the right to the inevitable T-check at the top, Boo’s wicked laughter ringing in our ears as he waited down at the bottom.  It was then down to the beach for some dodgy rock-hopping, up a cement embankment with the aid of some well-placed ropes, and through a bit of shiggy to get us back to Port Road. 

Alas, only 20 minutes had elapsed – a tad too soon to head back to the green truck.  So we headed up to Hort Park and across the Alexandra Arches.  This is where the confusion began.  Tiger Lily and DIY lead us across the slippery walkway towards Mt Faber, despite there being no sign of a trail, with a few of us following blindly.  Machine was mumbling something about us being on the Monday trail and seemed to know where he was going, so when he turned and said “Just follow me, darling”, I did.  In retrospect, he may have been addressing G-string, who was running beside me... 

Eventually we came to some stairs an arrow pointing towards us, followed by a bunch of hashers emerging from the nature trail below us and we figured we’d done a loop in reverse.  Not wanting to miss any of the trail, DIY, Tiger Lily and myself decided to just re-run the loop in reverse, but reversing the reverse didn’t seem to help much and we ended up back where we started, running along the bridge with no trail in sight.  At this point it was 6:55 and I ran into Front Seat Wanker who stated: “F**k it, I’m going home!”  I agreed. DIY and TL continued to run around aimlessly and apparently eventually picked up the trail somewhere near Malaysia, but I headed back towards Hort Park and Alexandra Road to go back to the run site.

There was one exciting point where I thought I’d found the home trail, only to be met with an oncoming arrow and the realization that I was on the out trail.  Oh well, better luck next week, Half Cut!

The Circle by Half Cut

The crowd gathered around when called to order by the GM and GM’S at a few minutes after the hour. 

What did we think of the Run? ~ A few opinions were offered mostly in the negative  ‘Neer – it wasn’t a good run’  ‘It wasn’t really a good run’ were a couple of the comments but those comments were generally ignored and it was declared a good run.

Cock Radio – Before we got on with the circle Cock Radio, wanting to perform a public service, reminded us to be alert to any packages or parcels  that may be in our vicinity but not seemingly owned by anyone in sight.  

Well, Lo & behold what do we see but an innocent looking blue and white bag sitting near the perimeter of the circle.  I must say it would appear that we all breathed a sigh of relief when who should claim it but Bagless.  Well done Cock Radio – keep up the good work. 

Tell us about your On On? ~ The hares donated the first five jugs which, and as you can imagine, when this news was announced, it went some way to changing the vote from ‘Neer it wasn’t a good run’ to ‘Oh yeah, great run’

Next Week’s Run ~ DIY and Penile Extension. DIY claimed that this run would be at lower Seletar reservoir while Penile Extension insisted it would be at lower Pierce Reservoir. Let’s believe Penile Extension on this matter.

Virgins:  ~ Well, yes, there was one and ‘Vibrator made him come’  - mmmmmmm  interesting.   Only one came into the circle but looking at the stats there were two Randall and Robert.

Visitors  ~ Thirteen, if my finger counting is accurate (oops, it was fifteen).  One dedicated Norwegian, it is rumored, came all the way from Oslo for the run.

Vibrator, Crit, Kelly, Mother Brown, Pink Pussy, Sylvie, Teeny Weeny, Mark, Out of Time, Dark Horse, Wipe it Off, Eunuch

Returnees ~  Good to see Malfunction here again

New Members ~

Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Missing in action

And now… it’s…. time…, for… the…. Mystery ... Whip: ~ Sneaky Cumer

·       Sneaky Cumer’s charges were directed at thoughtless people and Machine is the first hasher to come into the circle.  Sneaky Cumer and Machine were running together when they came across a T check that was obviously not one of Lion City’s but belonged to Kampong Hash’s AGM run set for Saturday.   Sneaky Cumer was prepared to let sleeping dogs lie but not Machine.  Machine proceeded to piss on the check.  (Machine, look at Half Cuts Plagiarism below - you will identify with it).

·       Wet n Wild as a member of Lion City, is often tempted by her work colleagues to visit a bar or two for cocktails on a Friday evening in lieu of attending a hot and steamy jungle run (and who can really blame her faced with those facts).  Consequently, the night goes by so quickly that she often ends up not attending Lion City.  Well, tonight we have been graced with her presence and what did Crock Hunter do – when she asked for a drink he gave her a bottle of water when a glass of white wine would have made her sooooo much happier.  Crock Hunter well deserved down down. – (don’t men know by now they must hone their mind reading skills if they want to live happily).  

And now...it’s definitely time....for...the ..Mystery Mystery Whip~ Wet n Wild

·       Wet N Wild brought up the issue of Lion City being environmentally friendly i.e. not leaving toilet paper in evidence after our runs, (this was brought up at the recent AGM and was favorably endorsed).  Well, she then produced a small tree covered in toilet paper with the exclamation ‘what the fuck’s this’ (apparently!!!! the tree was found on the run suitably decorated).  Steffen Tunge & Dog Mount received down downs.

·       She then called in Shoe Shopper and Dog Mount, representative of the front runners, for causing confusion to all and sundry.  All front runners went the wrong way and then came out of the bushes to meet the slower runners head on coming towards them.  (I did hear it said by one of the slower runners they had probably followed Tiger Lilly).  Confusion reigned as the fast runners, who were walking by this stage or stock still wondering what to do next, passed the slower runners on a drain edge just wide enough for one person.  The slower runners went forward and the faster runners went back – just to add to the confusion ten minutes later the faster runners passed the slower runners again all going in the right direction.  

The Prick~ :   Jack Off said she was missing the Prick and Peeking Ong offered apologies on its behalf as it had apparently gone off to a seminar.

Milestones ~ 

A.O.B. Any Other Business ~

·       Cock Radio charged Loose Change.  The story goes that an ‘illegal seller’ was trying to sell to ‘illegal buyers’ a kitchen pan or two.  There were approximately ten women noted haggling around a van owned by Ayam Sinking.  Loose Change was heard to say ‘What do you do with these” and Cock Radio wanted to know how long it had been since she had cooked a meal.

·       Peeking Ong charged Bagless for not knowing the difference between a groin spasm and an orgasm. 

·       Peeking Ong brought Machine into the circle and noted that it was his Birthday.  Happy Birthday Machine. 

·       Jack Off called Kan Not Kan into circle along with I think it was Butt Massager something about butt spasms. 

·       Slocum then called Jack Off and charged her with having a Tongue Spasm.

·       Not Tonight called Sneaky Cumer, Ayam Kampong and Kan Not Kan into the circle.  Apparently Sneaky Cumer cannot read as although the ‘beware’ notice near the razor wire clearly said as much Sneaky Cumer still managed to cut himself.  When Ayam Kampong saw the blood, as she was climbing across the sloping rock, she panicked and froze and Kan Not Kan went to her rescue.  The position they found themselves in is one referred to as ‘coupling’  with Ayam Kampong saying ‘just put your feet here’.  Not Tonight wished she’d had a camera and so do we – that would have been one for Ayam’s memories.  To top it off they gave the circle a demonstration of what it looked like out there in the wild and it was something to see.

·       Kan Not Kan charged Ayam Kampong as he wanted to make it perfectly clear that they are now firm friends.  The reason he says this is because he has elected himself guardian of her ‘soul’ or is that ‘sole’ (he is carrying for posterity a sliver of her shoe sole).

·       Cherry Picker called Shut the Fuck Up into the circle to advice us that during the run, when it came to checking, Shut the Fuck Up ‘was not well’ but when it came to ‘on on‘being called she was off like a shot until the next check came into view and then the well rehearsed speech was said all over again ‘I am not well’.  Down Down.

·       Coo Chi Coo called Sneaky Cumer in as he was curious as to why Sneaky Cumer was running backwards to get the cuts on the backs of his legs.

·       Announcement by Slocum– Quad Run, Kulai - June 13th - $30 per member.  Lion City will organize a bus if there is enough support for this event.  Need to know by next Friday and who wants to go. Seletar Hash have organized this run – See Slocum if you wish to go.

·       Merchandise – G String advised there will be new merchandise next week so bring your dollars, and enthusiasm, for purchasing.

Half Cuts Plagiarism:

Laurie Lawrence, a larger than life Australian, who has been around coaching swimming and training Olympians for 40 odd years told a story at a recent Swimming Convention in Queensland, Australia.  Australia won, at the Sydney Olympics, a gold medal in the freestyle relay.  The story goes that as Australian Ashley Callas got out of  the pool, after swimming his 50m, he paused for a moment in the Americans lane.   He then got out and walked up behind the next American swimmer, Gary Hall, who was standing next to Ian Thorpe and said  ‘I just pissed in your lane’.   The Aussies went on to win a gold medal, our first gold medal in 36 years.

Hash Confucius:  Ooi  Ooi  Ooi

On On On On!  

Scribed by Half Cut

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