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Run 1407 |
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Date : 5th June 2009 |
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Hares : Shoe Shopper & Wet Patch |
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Run-Site: Bukit Timah Railway Station
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On On: Red Lantern
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Numbers: Members: 68 Returnees: 4 Visitors: 16, 1 virgin ~ Total 89
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The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Coo Chi Coo (pseudonym)
The really cool thing about running from the Bukit Timah Railway Station, is that about 1/2 of the Singapore population does not know it exists. I'm not going to give a detailed description of the run. If you were there, you know where it went, (except if you followed Boo, then you have no idea about the trail), and if you were not there, do not really want to know?
Needless to say, all off road, jungle trails, trees, canal & railway tracks.
Voted a good
run, well done Birthday Girl.
P.S. Thank you for the nice chair.
The Circle by Half Cut
The circle commenced at 7.58pm and before we got down to the nitty gritty of some serious hash business Cock Radio brought Topless aka Hash Brew into the circle to introduce her to the crowd. He felt that as some members have short memory spans (it is said due to the amount of alcohol consumed at each run) they may not recall that Topless had been elected to the position of Hash Brew at the recent AGM. As she has been conspicuous by her absence he felt it necessary to again introduce her to the circle. There were the appropriate cat calls and ‘she’s alright’ remarks.
He also introduced G-String to the circle as the Acting Grand Mistress for tonight’s run as Jack Off is lost to us for tonight.
What did we think of the Run? ~ Kan Not Kan’s comment when he was called into the circle to lead the charge on pros and cons of the run was that it was a great run. The cheers that followed endorsed this opinion. So be it.
Tell us about your On On? ~ Red Lantern. $10 per table. Beers on the table makes the above the correct opinion (did the crowd have advance knowledge of this I can only wonder).
Next Week’s Run ~ The Hares, Pussy Lifter and On Her Ear (according to my shorthand its Gonorreah), made the comment they “want to do it in Seletar” which brought forth the comment from Shoe Shopper “BUT where IS the run
- for Shoe Shopper it is at the Seletar Airbase, carpark at the corner of Maida Vale and Oxford Street, and the on on is at the Seafood Restaurant on Catus Road (or is that Cactus Road – oh dear !!!!).
Virgins: ~ We only had one virgin this week and he looked old enough to be just that – a virgin. David – Our Acting Grand Mistress could not refrain from asking, as only she can, ‘how old ARE you ‘. Apparently he is old enough
Visitors ~ Sixteen visitors in total – Rob, Spare Sling, Red Riding Hood, Krit, Vibrator, Kelly, Eon, Lesley, Wet Brazilian, Richard, Lars, Dora, Ammi, Grace, Dog Mount, Marc Donaldson.
Returnees ~ Super Chicken Shit, Tarnish Image, Malfunction and Pussy Lifter.
New Members ~
Do we have a Hare Whip? ~ Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper
Wet Patch called in The Mad Chinaman as he had set the mob off on the run, in Cock Radio’s absence, and had neglected to advise the visitors not to follow himself. We, more experienced LCHHH runners know not too follow him, our catch cry being ‘Do not follow Boo’. Unfortunately, on this day, we lost five visitors at last count. They followed Boo, I understand, not to be seen to this day.
Wet Patch called our GM into the circle and charged him for not being at the run site that night in enough time to start the run. Wet Patch advised us that Cock Radio had finished work at 12 noon that day to commence eight weeks leave. It had been anticipated by the Committee that drinkie pooh’s may take precedence over the run and The Mad Chinaman had offered to cover for him but Cock Radio was adamant that he would be there on time. Cock Radio’s defense, went something like “I DID leave school right on 12 noon, I then went to the barbers and after that home for a short nap. I fell asleep and when I awoke I was late”. Verdict not out – guilty.
Wet Patch called Shoe Shopper and Cock Radio into circle for a charge that I am not sure shouldn’t have gone to him for following two blonds (Cock Radio suspect as a blond, I know). Wet Patch was busy putting down flour and paper and advising Shoe Shopper and Cock Radio to be careful when HE was the one to go head over heels down a hole.
Shoe Shopper called Stiffy into the circle. Stiffy, without being asked for it, had offered his opinion to her of the run which went something like “Very good run besides my broken ankle.” Back handed compliment if ever we heard one
Mystery Whip: Zipp
The Mystery Whip took her own sweet time getting into the circle and in the meantime we had a few imposters walk through pretending to be the Mystery Whip and, being the gullible types, we believed them.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell you much about this first charge as a combination for me of not being able to read my shorthand and a poor memory but it went something like Ditch and another person running into a tunnel and being sucked into the vortex but thankfully coming out the other end.
Birthday Month – Give these old farts a note Wet Patch, Dim Sum, Shoe Shopper, Nicholas, Joe, Shiggy Piggy, Annie Gilbert and Knickerless. Happy Birthday one and all.
The Prick: None
Mystery Mystery Whip: Gypsy
· Gypsy informed the circle to beware, as, although, he and Zipp had turned up 1 hr 45 mins after the start of the run, within 15 secs of arriving he had been greeted like a long last brother and bitten with the request to be the Mystery Mystery Whip.
· Fat Sucking Bastard and Gypsy were discussing, after the run, the case in Australia of an American diver being charged with the murder of his wife while diving and Fat Sucking Bastard had called the diver a F*kg A*hle to which Gypsy replied that could have been the problem.
· Gypsy brought Angela into the circle and proceeded to walk around the circle holding her hand. Nothing more, nothing less. He explained this was a chance to hold her hand – he didn’t want to charge her just hold her hand. This sort of behavior could encourage you never know what.
GM Business:
Cock Radio THEN came into the circle HOLDING HANDS with G-String. He reckoned if Gypsy could get away with it so could he.
A.O.B. Any Other Business ~
Croc O’Shit called Grace into the circle. Apparently Shiggy Piggy, Grace and Croc O’Shit were running together on the run until Shiggy Piggy took off like a gun out of a bullet and left Croc Shit and Grace running together (not that they weren’t running at a reasonable speed too, according to Croc O’Shit). At about the same time that Grace said to Croc O’Shit ‘Good thing you are here Shiggy Piggy would have just left me’ Croc O’Shit realized they were lost. He called ‘Aye You’ ‘Aye You’ ‘Aye You’ to no avail and so decided they should backtrack. Croc O’Shit valiantly stood aside for Grace to go first whereupon she promptly fell flat on her face, down a hole meant for Croc O’Shit. He went from hero to NOT in a matter of minutes.
* Cannot understand why Grace received a down down it should have been Croc
Shoe Shopper came into the circle with a possible name for Grace, that being. ‘Face Down’. Other names were then put forward but no consensus was reached.
Shoe Shopper called Slack Arse and Loose Change into the circle. Apparently Shoe Shopper made a comment about Slack Arse’s shirt and he commented that ‘It was put out for me’. On further investigation it was realized that Loose Change puts Slack Arse’s clothes out on the bed for him to hop into each Friday and come onto the run.
Cock Radio in his past life, for anyone who doesn’t know, was a sleuth and consequently nothing much escapes his attention. In his wily way he sniffed out a warm chair not long left unoccupied. Who did it belong to but our past GM, Astronaut, who was suitably charged.
Topless brought Cock Radio and Sharon Batu into the circle. They had both insinuated to her that she needed advice as to what she should wear in her role as Hash Brew. They both offered, individually, to assist her to choose the right gear for the role. This, as you can imagine, went down like a lead balloon, as she was already suitably attired, and they were deservedly charged.
* As an aside the crowd were more than appreciative of her attire.
Cock Radio charged Bagless for falling into him while they were sliding down a very big hill. Cock Radio was picking his way down very carefully when Bagless came down at a ton of rates knocking Cock Radio off his feet and sending him flying through the air into the thorny bushes.
Circle finished at 8.35 pm
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
The Committee read, with great amusement, the following communication between the Grand Mistress and The Mad Chinaman. As you will be aware, the Grand Mistress collects information on future runs, in advance, and posts them on our web site. The Mad Chinaman replied to her request for information as follows:
‘ Dear Grand Matter and Grand Mattress,
I am surprised at your request for my run site for 7 August 2009 at this early point in time.
I have to set runs for the Monday, the Wednesday, the Friday and the Sunday Hash Clubs this year. I have in mind the following run sites for my National Days Runs this year :
(1) Venus Drive – I promise to send the entire pack of hashers through the hornet’s nest behind the houses at Windsor Drive.
(2) Tagore Drive – I will set the trail into the long muddy stream for half an hour.
(3) Cactus Road – I will set the trail across the Seletar Expressway so that the pack can run across it at peak hour at about 1825 hours.
(4) End of Track 7, Mandai Road – Midway through the run, there will be swimming across the Upper Seletar Reservoir. If anyone does not swim, they can come out of the jungle at 2200 hours. Otherwise they can remain in the forest until day break.
(5) End of Chestnut Avenue – I will take the woodcutters’ trail. The paper will stop at Upper Pierce Reservoir. It will then be too late to back track. The pack can take taxis back to the run site (if they can find a cab there).
Please let me know which one of the above trails do you prefer my co-hares and I to set for LCHHH. Your preference shall be my command. ‘
Hash Confucius: “Who IS the hare for next week’s run. I must find out BEFORE running. ?????.
On On On On!
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