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Run 1410 |
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Date : 26th June 2009 |
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Hares : Too Easy & Dim Sum |
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Run-Site: PUB Recreation Club on Woodleigh Park
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On On: PUB Recreation Club
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Numbers: Members: 50 Returnees: 2 Visitors: 16 (incl. virgins) Total 68 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Double Back
So, how does Sweet Thighs really keep her thighs so sweet? Well, now we know. She really does not like those jungle runs, or the runs with a lot of shiggy. Why? Well, there is just not enough of a workout on those runs. Sweet Thighs likes those long, hard road runs. So, that’s why we saw Sweet Thighs again on Friday. There was just enough road on this run so that Sweet Thighs could work on keeping her thighs sweet.
Yes, we all know that the Hash is snot supposed to be a race. But, try telling Tiger Lily that. Of course, Tiger Lily has been counseled by a team of hashing experts on this point many times, but, to no avail. For Tiger Lily, the Hash is a race. But on Friday evening, Strapless made an effort to counsel Tiger Lily in a language she understands. In a sprint to the finish, Strapless beat Tiger Lily by a wide margin. So, has Tiger Lily been humbled? Will she race again? These are mystery questions to be answered on future runs.
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 8.05pm.
What did we think of the Run? Lots of discussion about the run. Deemed a great run.
Tell us about your On On? Editors note: This section been restructured (optimized away)
Next Week’s Run: All the Americans Run, Chestnut Avenue
A mob of Americans, who had absolutely nothing to do with next week’s run, descended into the circle, it would appear that they were there only for the down down. Our Grand Mistress exclaimed ‘there was no need to give them a drink’ but as they seemed fairly determined to stay put until they received one it was deemed necessary.
Virgins: Lots of seamen and one lone Mum - Nick, Robert, Jan, Seth, Richard, Allan, Ricardo, Steve, Jeremy and Laurel.
Returnees: Steve Manning and Siqua Man. This time it was the ladies turn to sing ‘they’re alright’.
Visitors: Semen Stain, Jurassic Dick, Krit, Marc, Kelly.
New Members: Dog Mount
Do we have a Hare Whip? Too Easy
Too Easy called Boo in for, yet again, leading the innocents astray and off trail during the run. With his confident air how can we but not believe that he knows exactly where he is going and for how long he will disappear into the wilds.
The Prick: Tia Maria has the prick with her tonight. It has been obvious that she has been reluctant to return it as even tonight it remained in her bag until she was asked to produce it. Tia Maria passed it onto Penile Extension for being a naughty boy.
Mystery Whip: Saliva
Saliva charged Peeking Ong and Strapless for hindrance and obstruction in their flash cars. Saliva and Aye Aye were looking for a space to park their car upon arrival when they could not fail to notice the area one car took up and the erratic parking of another.
Saliva then called all the seamen in for something to do with sex and finding it and never having to pay for it.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Aye Aye
Aye Aye called Hooray and Boo into the circle to re-introduce them as being renowned to the runners for their short cutting ways. Apparently a contender for their titles has now come to the fore in Peeking Ong.
Wet Patch and Bagless were called in as being the leaders of a shortcut who encouraged Aye Aye to go with them on this presumed shortcut that would take them in front of the pack. They ended up going through long grass up to their waist and the pack still in front of them. The comment made by Aye Aye was ‘Some fucking short cut that was’.
Wet Patch was called in for being a dobber, a squealer and a few other names. I didn’t catch the charge but you get the picture.
GM Business:
Jack Off came into the circle calling for a hare for July 17th. Please call Jack Off if you can see yourself being able to lead or assist.
A.O.B.
Semen Stain charged those sailors who had missed the run. They were given specific instructions on how to get there. In retribution they got down on the ground and did push ups for the enjoyment of the women – one guy doing a one-handed push up while drinking his down down.
Boo came into the circle with a joke about sharks and seamen.
Jack Off called Carissa, the lone sea woman into the circle as with all the drinks the seamen had received she had not received a one.
Fat Crushing Bastard called the Tasmanian’s into the circle being Shoe Shopper and Comes Quietly. There was discussion about Australian Wallabies and their ability, or lack of it, to eat poppies in fields, fall down and create a perfect circle that had previously been accredited to aliens. At that Slack Arse jumped into the circle imitating a jumping wallaby.
Siqua Man called Aye Aye and Bagless into the circle and the charge was something to do with ‘in – out - in – out’ with Coo Chi Coo saying we don’t want Scotsman to procreate.
Visitor Laurel came into the circle to charge Half Cut for leaving her exposed to the elements of an HDB flat. She had arrived from Perth in the early hours of the morning and proceeded to the designated floor only to find it wasn’t that floor. Meanwhile Half Cut is sitting down the bottom of the stairs waiting while her Mother is visiting every floor in the HDB with the exception of the right one.
Two visitors were named - Carissa was named Exposure and Laurel was named Sea Mum
Circle ended at 8.55 pm
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
: Elderbloom Bulletin June 2009
‘Last weekend I bought a 1000,000 volt pocket sized taser for my wife for our 15th wedding anniversary as a little something extra.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect her, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. So there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than ¾ of an inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself ‘no possible way’!
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best … ! I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say ‘Don’t do it Dipstick,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and I’m pretty sure Jesse Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner and body slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position and tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
A minute or so later, I sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius
Boo Says:
Do not walk behind me,
for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
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