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Run 1411 |
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Date : 3rd July 2009 |
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Hares : All the Americans |
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Run-Site: Chestnut Avenue
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On On: On Site Mr. Hoe
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Numbers: Members: 53 Returnees: incl. Visitors: 34 (incl. virgins) Total 87 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Half Cut
The second run from Chestnut Avenue in as many weeks proved a demonstration of the hares ability to produce a good run through a well known area. It might also be due to the fact that Ditch was a co hare for the Bike Hash 4th July ride last weekend in the same locality.
Anyway, the run set off up the pipelines towards the cabbage patch areas in good order. Under the BKE to the first of the challenging T checks. With most of the pack at some point on the uphill gas pipeline back towards Mandai Road, the back markers soon caught up.
Back through the allotment areas and into the wooded terrain, with Boo running his own hash as usual, bought the pack to the next circle check adjacent to the BMX track for a 10 minute cool down and period of navel contemplation whilst everybody was looking for the trail. Tiger Lilly ran off in the direction back home checking for the trail, no wonder she is always back first, whilst others including Running Sh*t were seen to be exploring some of the other bike trails in the area. Nobody checked the obvious route back to Chestnut Avenue.
Suddenly there was a shout “on call” and the paper was there, it had been there all the time hadn’t it? honestly.
The regrouped pack now pounded on towards Chestnut Avenue following a short jungle track on towards the woodcutters trail where there were a few tricks played by the hares to cause diversion and confusion to the pack. Thank goodness the trail was dry or there could have been a few blood bin entries, apart from those runners who chose to walk through this section of the hash. On the whole though there was very little doubt on the main trail direction, and nobody was really going to fall for the last circle check on the gas pipeline.
The trail bore right toward home, down to Dairy Farm Road and up through Zhenghua Park back to the beer truck and Mr Ho’s beef barbeque sandwiches.
A good run with the pack very tight, and that’s before the beer, finishing about 7 pm.
The Circle by Half Cut
Excerpt from our GM - directed at USA Virgin Sailors
‘You people’ if I catch you talking I am going to get you barred from the beer truck’
If we could keep our GM away from the beer truck this might work but he ended up drinking with them
Circle began way before 8.00pm.
What did we think of the Run Among other comments one of the virgin sailors offered the opinion that ‘It was the best run I have had in my life’ and as he would know it was conferred so.
Next Week’s Run: Jack Off called for volunteers as it was a ‘no run’ for next week unless we have a hare. Hooray was calling for a Committee Run but as he is a big help he was the obvious choice. Not sure at time of writing what the outcome is but our esteemed Hon Sec will advice. Note from the Editor: Lorong Sesuai, Twin Towers and Fawlty Tower, On On Red Lantern.
Virgins & Visitors came into the circle together and a big crowd it was, too – ‘a lot of bloody virgins around’ said one Australian much to his disgust. ‘It is tropical here’ said the same guy who complained later about ‘bloody foul singing’ – whinging Pom no doubt. ‘Why did they bring the virgins and visitors in together’ complained an American. Everyone had their bitch. Editor’s note: I was not there but the American must have been Stash.
Returnees: King Lear, Mini Humper, Wee Willy, Puss In Boots, Julian Brown
New Members: Krit
Do we have a Hare Whip? All the Americans came in to have a whinge. If they are not careful they will get a similar reputation to Poms.
Croc O’Shit brought what he described as a ‘lot of disturbed people’ i.e. Twin Towers presumably a look alike to MJ (this took some imagination) plus all Americans and a Farrah Fawcett look-alike being one of our virgin runners. You all, of course, know what this is all about.
Blood Shit brought Tiger Lily into the circle and described it as a sexual encounter. During the run she had come around the corner in, saw him, and said ‘Oh Fuck’. (is he a Pom???)
Stash brought one of the virgin sailors in, as completely unknown to the sailor, one of the rules with Hash is, of course, no mobiles but this sailor not only had his Blackberry with him but was running and talking on it at the same time.
Ditch called in Big Head – another sexually orientated charge as he had heard her say ‘I really like coming in the back way’.
Stash then called in Comes Quietly – Stash heard on the grapevine that Comes Quietly had informed the beer wagon to bring along more beer as a ship was in town but had not bothered to inform the caterer to provide more food. Could see no justification in this charge as most hashes would agree what is more important - beer or food – no argument there.
Slocum called in Jack Off, being Grand Mistress, for not keeping the Americans under control with their noise, or their charges.
Croc O’Shit called the American Southerners in for their severe lack of discipline. He was endeavouring to keep them safe during the run i.e. looking the wrong way when crossing roads, by calling ‘hash car’. Unfortunately all they heard was ‘NASCAR’ and took off like a bull at a gate.
General Business:
Jack Off called in Sharon Batu and Indecent Exposure
‘Happy Birthday girls – have a great year.
· Congratulations Blood Shit – 300 runs and a donation to The Red Cross. Thank you.
The Prick: Phoney Dick, the holder of the Prick called Penile Extension and Half Cut into the circle. Half Cut apparently scribed in the Newsletter that Penile Extension had been given the Prick in lieu of Phoney Dick. In the confusion of calling Half Cut in I am not sure if he actually gave it to Penile Extension or not (watch this space).
Mystery Whip: Tiger Lilly
(As an aside, Cock Radio had to prompt Tiger Lily into the circle by repeatedly walking in and out of the circle asking for that person to make an appearance – she finally got the message)
Big Head was called in for having perused two of the boy runners coming out of the bushes and asking them ‘what they where doing in there?’ Gay Boys received a down down along with Big Head.
Cock Radio was called in. ‘look at me I have lost weight’ said Cock Radio but as Tiger Lily could barely discern a loss a charge was in order.
Gonorreah look-alike was called in. She was very excited about showing the seamen ……………… ……………………………………
( possibly a good thing – my shorthand failed me here)
Mystery Mystery Whip: King Lear
Ditch was called in for talking about the financial crisis with great fervour, while he was running, but after making a point, actually running off in an opposite direction to find Poser and Goody Bag who he perceived agreed with whatever point he was trying to make.
GM Business: Naming of Lincoln
Crock O’Shit instigated Four Sores receiving his name – it was all to do with his name being Lincoln and from there it got to be Four Sores and how that happened only someone can explain it to me and I am sure they will – Stash ????.
A.O.B.
Wee Willy charged two visitors for sitting in the circle and, then, Cock Radio charged Peeking Ong for sitting in the circle.
Puss in Boots charged the Eurasian girls for not knowing the words to the song ‘ Jing Glig Nona’ at the previous Eurasian run and proceeded to give a singing lesson to whoever was interested in learning more (not many it appeared).
Stash endeavored to charge the Hon Sec, Cherry Picker for the fact that two dates appeared for the D & D but as the Hon Sec was on his way to Germany that proved impossible.
Circle ended a little later than usual (Grand Mistresses’ fault according to Slocum – see earlier charge) 9.05pm
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
(For those of you who met my 84 year old Mum this came from her Retirement Village Bulletin) : ‘ Things You can Learn From Your Dog’
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run, romp and play daily
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
When loved ones come home always run to greet them
When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body
Never pretend to be something you are not
If what you want lies buried dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day be silent, sit close and nuzzle them gently
Avoid biting when a simple bark will be
Be loyal
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius Says: Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
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