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Run 1412 |
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Date : 10th July 2009 |
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Hares : Twin Towers & Fawlty Towers |
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Run-Site: Lorong Sesuai
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On On: Red Lantern
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Numbers: Members: 63 Returnees: 3 Visitors: 19 (incl. virgins) Total 85 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Half Cut
Firstly, as for a Mystery Run Reporter, me writing the report is not such a mystery but last week’s reporter definitely was. I was, apparently, pretty determined to keep his identity secret as I put my own name in lieu of Recipricunt who actually wrote it – apologies Recipricunt and thank you..
Well, this week it is me and let’s get to it. The run started right on time and took off up the steps – actually I felt the run started on the walk up Lorong Sesuai from Upper Bukit Timah Road – everyone who had to walk up that hill would agree with me - it was a hell of a warm up. Thank you Saliva and Aye Aye took pity on me and gave me a lift.
It was a great run, all the more so because Twin Towers, Fawlty Towers, Poser and Astronut stepped in to fill the gap at short notice. The run was over hilly terrain, through parks, up behind houses, on roadside and, all the way, great vegetation and lots of variety.
We had the choice of a short and a long run - gratefully acknowledged by some.
I walked with Stash who congratulated me on the run report last week but as noted above I did not write it. Maybe this week I shall walk with him again.
Coming to a drain Not Tonight complained about the width of the drain and the fact that she would have to open her legs wider than she has done for 26 years – she was charged by Kan Not Kan later in the circle for this bit of titillating information.
One of the best runs for the year – well done hares.
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 8pm on the dot.
What did we think of the Run Lots of discussion including ‘ummm’ from a visitor but the masses agreed it was a good run.
Next Week’s Run: Hares - Kelly and Ripper. Could not get much out of Kelly concerning location except ‘on the other side of Singapore’ and ‘heavy vehicle carpark’ so watch this space. Note from the Editor: Heavy Vehicle Car Park on Bukit Batok East Ave 2.
Virgins: Question from the virgin ‘If you come late does that make you a virgin still’. Welcome Tung Dao.
Returnees: King Leer, Fanny Su
Visitors: Strapon, Gecko, TBA, Barbre, Knobby Boy Scout, Lizard, McGlue, Pussy Lifter, Cliff, John, Butt Wiper, Princess Sloth, Kelly, Betty Ashman, Katherine, Alice, Eric, Helen.
New Members: Sanker
GM Business:
Twin Towers was elected Guest GM by Cock Radio.
Mr Magoo was called into the circle for talking.
Birthday Girl Goody Bag was undecided if it was a special day or not until Cock Radio walked away and then she realized yes it was a special day. This charge prompted Kan the Kobra, Sharon Batu and Indecent Exposure to come in the circle to celebrate their birthdays also (am sure Indecent Exposure came in last week to celebrate but oh well, why not celebrate as long as you can)
Do we have a Hare Whip? Fawlty Towers & Twin Towers
Fawlty Towers asked for a representative aboriginal to come into the circle – when none was forthcoming he pulled Twin Towers in to fill the bill. The caretakers of Uluru are petitioning for tourists to be forbidden from climbing the big rock – presently thousands of tourists climb to the top each week and apparently as there are no toilet facilities any rock pool will do, the perpetrators being, according to Fawlty Towers, mostly the caretakers themselves, being the indigenous and also the Japanese visitors. Again, according to Fawlty Towers, this is the reason for closure of the site to climbers. G String was also called being a representative the Japanese.
Twin Towers called in Fawlty Towers and Cock Radio. As Fawlty was responsible for bringing the chalk, flour and paper Twin Towers was not concerned when he arrived at the run site. She soon found out that indeed she should worry. The only thing he had brought to the run site was a newspaper from Australia for Cock Radio.
Twin Towers called in Slip n’Slide . Slip n’Slide had sent a message to Twin Towers that day asking for a lift to the run. Twin Towers explained to her that as she was one of the hares with commitments it was not possible but still Slip n’Slide could not see a problem with that. Give her a down down.
Mystery Whip: Kan Not Kan
There was a united groan of ‘oh no’ on seeing Kan Not Kan walk in - he responded just as quickly with the story of Yul Brynner (for those of us old enough to know who he is).
· Called in Cock Radio but called him Clock Radio – there was talk of Alzheimers and the plight of the aged and that’s all I can remember.
· Kan Not Kan informed runners behind him to be careful as there was a drain coming up. Being the chivalrous person he is he stopped to advice and assist. Not Tonight exclaimed there was no frigging way she could possibly get across the drain she ‘hadn’t spread her legs that far apart in 26 years’. Stiffy was called into the circle for a drink for not living up to his name as co-conspirator of this unfortunate event.
· Pussy Lifter was called in for being a pussy and taking the short run. When Kan Not Kan and Pussy Lifter came to the split for the short and long run Pussy Lifter said that he is not running as fast as he used too and also he had had three beers the night before which seemed to be affecting his running. Although there was only 200 yards to go before the end, and it was 6.45pm, he said it would take him fifteen minutes to reach the top of the hill and finish the run.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Phoney Dick
Phoney Dick called in King Leer. King Leer had sought Phoney Dick out as he was soon to be in Vietnam and was looking for general travel information on the country. As Cock Radio had only recently returned from Vietnam Phoney Dick put King Leer in touch with him. Cock Radio, in his innocence bluntly informed King Leer ‘yes he could assist …….. what bordello did he want to know about ? ‘
Last week’s T Shirt read ‘Screw Quality – Marry American’. Phoney Dick felt that as every American on the t-shirt was married to a Singaporean with the exception of Big Head that she should have been the one to defend the American Hares.
Four dirty little virgins were called in for not showering after the run causing discomfort and a certain odour to permeate the circle.
The Prick: Penile Extension
· Penile Extension is holder of this prestigious award and is keeping it for the time being. He apparently tried sitting on it so has decided he will keep it awhile.
A.O.B.
Slip n’Slide brought old farts Phoney Dick, Astronut and Cunt Dracula into the circle. While Goody Bag was doing her stretching, after the run, these leacherous old men were watching her, without apparently doing so. (I do recall a week or two ago Phoney Dick, under the pretense of counting her stretches was doing much the same thing)
Circle Jerk brought Kan Not Kan into the circle. Apparently he has a dream of wanting to learn to fly helicopters. Circle Jerk, in his caring way, proceeded to introduce contacts who may assist him to achieve his dream:
Firstly Chinook, a helicopter pilot, who has only been to Lion City twice in the last year (due, we understand, to forced landings and hospital stays in out of the way locations near mountain sides and paddy fields)
Secondly, a guest Eric, another pilot who was unable to shower due to forgetting to bring a change of clothes (it is generally presumed alzheimers)
Thirdly, two Germans Stiffler and Pussy Lifter maintain aircraft (how friendly are they?)
Not Tonight called in visitor Tung and Half Cut. Half Cut had tried to lead Tung astray (unfortunately it didn’t work)
Coo Chi Coo noted that Lion City does not obviously call for a basic intelligence test with its runners as one of the virgins stated with some conviction ‘I am not a virgin as I did not finish’. Coo Chi Coo suggested to him that if he did not finish he would not be here.
Circle Ended at 8.47pm
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
(Who says Australians weren’t Romantic)
Of course I love ya darling
You’re a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you’re gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don’t mind a bit of flab
It means that when I’m ready
There’s something there to grab
So ya belly isn’t flat no more
I tell ya, I don’t care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I’m telling ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you’ve got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna’s grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what you look like
I’ll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy’s on
And fetch another beer
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius Says: No one is listening until you fart.
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