The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Astronut

Ripper & Kelly's run from the Heavy Vehicle Carpark (HVC) at Bukit Batok East Ave 2 started with a little trepidation for those with cars. Were we going to get tickets for parking in this strictly HVC only area or not? And if so, how much? Phoney Dick said "$70" but Ayam Kampong said, "No, only $35 each if you park two cars to a bay". This was good enough reason for PD to not stray far from the beer wagon and possibly save himself $70, or was it $35?

At the crack of 6pm Boo called the pack to order barked a few orders to the initiated about not following Singaporeans... well him anyway... and set the pack off. Where were the GMs? Why absent again? The circle would deal with that. We headed across the HVC and up the hill towards the telecom tower, and less than 200m up we were running last week's trail in reverse. Oh, oh. Was this to be a major f**k up by the hares? No, surely not a hare of Ripper's standard! A circle check was found in short order. The eager scampered up the hill, notably Comes Quietly, No Good (yes!), American visitor Dan and your scribe (Astronut). Others (Cherry Picker included) went right.  It was to no avail as the trail was back down the hill and along a drainage ditch in the opposite direction.

There was great hashing through here and terrain that even encouraged Wonton and Sooch (both normally "I'll keep my shoes clean, thank you" walkers) through the bush. I think there may have been another check in here somewhere, which I didn't see as I was now near the end of the pack because of my earlier folly in the jungle. We eventually popped out onto Hillview Avenue near Mera Lodge (I think) where another check greeted us a few hundred metres along Hillview. Hashers were running in all directions... behind Hillview Apartments, further along Hillview Avenue, across the road. Ditch what are you doing over there? Ah, across the road it was, and back cutting across the corner at a park and up Hillview Crescent (I think). [Well you know how it is; there are too many roads beginning with "Hillview..." and "Bukit Batok..." in this area. And we were destined to see many of them.] 

The pack began to splinter as we climbed this fairly steep road, then up again and behind some houses, and suddenly right across a newly cleared plain (which appeared to have been prepared for more 'progress').. Were we going up and over Bukit Batok? How would we get back from there? Wouldn't it be too far home if we went that way?  Yes it would be. Hence a t-check. Stash, don't come over here; check to the left. There it was; trail cutting through Bukit Batok Town Park along some excellent paths made better by locals waiting for fruit to fall and illegal workers accessing their huts. Even Indecent Exposure (renowned for her lack of directional abilities) recognised this as the trail we had used a few years ago for a Eurasian run.  We stumbled out of the bush onto a light-industry road (Hillview Terrace, perhaps) where we were greeted by a circle check. There was much loitering as many tried to determine where we were. Within a few minutes 'On On' was called up the road into some treacherous drains (how wide can you stretch your legs Shut the F**k Up?) and bush (mind the steel sticking out of the ground Kan Not Kan!) and behind Regent Heights. As we were dumped out onto Bukit Batok East (BBE) Ave 5, trail was a right turn towards Bukit Gombak Station and then a quick dash across the road at Bukit Batok St 52.

It was now time for a run through the HDB blocks with a diversion through seemingly every bit of greenery on the way home. After the first hill and a bit of bush Dim Sum called it quits as he realised where he was...Bukiut Batok Central.  "Home's that way. See you later." Coo Chi Coo came to the fore as he led the pack through subsequent green bits and more of Bukit Batok Central area before BBE Ave 3, to the junction with BBE Ave 2 and home to the HVC. A fast, tiring run in; good use of greenery; new-to-me terrain, and; some devilish checks. There were plenty of opportunities for SCBs to exercise their wont as the beer and wine flowed amongst many as I arrived just after 7pm. And neither Phoney Dick nor any of us received a parking ticket.

Bully to me, "How was it son?" "Very good, made better if you got me a beer and let me use your chair!", says I. "Not on your Nellie, mate" Well, almost a perfect hash.

Ripper and Kelly; Very good and much appreciated run!

Astronut   

The Circle by Half Cut

Circle began at 7.51pm.

What did we think of the Run Pretty unanimous that it was a great run. 

Tell us about your On On:  Kelly came into the circle to inform us that the On On was at one of our favorites, The  Red Lantern, and it would cost us $12 per head.  Some bright spark asked what type of food to which another bright spark replied ‘Indian’.

Next Week’s Run: Kan the Kobra & CumPuss - Sembawang Park, 1^st Carpark, along Tuah Road

Virgins: Raquel.  Penile Extension began early trying to get rid of the Prick and suggested it should be given to Raquel for some obscure reason.  When she agreed to take it I knew at that moment she would fit right into Lion City.

Returnees: None

Visitors: TBA, Barbie, Dan, Shaun, Tung Dao, Hans and Christina.  Kelly came in as a visitor even though she was the hare and visitor Christina created lots of interest with the male hashers.

New Members: None

Do we have a Hare Whip? MIA

·       The hares went into hiding at this stage and only re-emerged when the Mystery Whip walked into the circle.

Mystery Whip: Stash

Kan Not Kan walked through the circle to test our reaction and the reaction was an anticipated one of ‘Oh No’

Editors Comment: Stash presumably had heat stroke from the run or was desperately dehydrated as I think he actually said something complimentary about the newsletter

 – but, no, it couldn’t be

Mystery Mystery Whip: In & Out

In & Out informed us that Not Tonight was originally appointed to this position but as she has some pressing urgent business to attend to she has been replaced by himself.  He made the point  that it doesn’t seem to matter whether you arrive early or late you can still be ‘had’ as replacement ‘whatever’ at short notice.

·       In & Out made mention of hashers arriving late and as a point in question he pulled in Loose Change who was doing ‘broadies’ in her car in her anxious state to find a place to park before the run commenced and Tia Maria ‘si si senora’ who arrived in a real rush but was waylaid by Kan Not Kan who proceeded to ‘snogg’ her. Of course this nonsense all stopped on Kan the Kobra‘s arrival.  Down Down for the late comers.

·       In & Out called in Goody Bag and Sharon Batu. During the run he had come upon them jumping up and down trying to reach the fruit on a tree laden with rambutans.  As he ran past, one of them commented about the ‘red blooded fruit’ which caused him to pause.  Upon coming to a complete stop he realized he was hanging outside his shorts.

The Prick:  Penile Extension

GM Business: There was no GM present

A.O.B.

·       Phoney Dick pulled Ayam Kampong & Loose Change into the circle – I am not quite sure how this charge went but it was about Ayam Kampong telling Loose Change and Phoney Dick where to park, how to park and how not to park  

·       Ditch came into the circle.  He called in two runners who had had great tumbles on the run.  First Peeking Ong, in his endeavour to get past runners, did a flip which, according to Ditch was a 7 out of 10 as flips go, and Dan landed on his ‘asphalt’ when he had his tumble.  Here’s to the tumblers.

·       Coo Chi Coo called Tia Maria in to show the circle a rendition of ‘snogging’ (in relation to Kan Not Kan’s and Tia Maria’s earlier charge.

·       Stash called in Penile Extension to question him about his whereabouts earlier that day.  Apparently he had been at Holland Village with his Mother. But, when Stash saw him he was downstairs perving on women, and, one women in particular, Stash’s wife Wonton. Give him a drink. 

·       Hooray charged Phoney Dick and Big Head for promoting many run sites, not just one, for their coming run.  The location keeps changing which is causing Hooray, who likes to keep up with future runs, no end of stress.

·       Boo came in to give us some good news and some bad news – probably a good thing I missed them both.

·       In and Out called the Americans in to help celebrate the fact that it is 40 years since man first walked on the moon and also to celebrate with a Mr. Kolovsky.  After Neil Armstrong made his historic speech of ‘one giant step for mankind’ he mumbled something.  To the well tuned ear it was ‘Good luck Mr. Kolovsky’. Mrs. Kolovsky had, in Neil Armstrong’s presence at an earlier time, said to Mr. Kolovsky ‘You will get oral sex only when man walks on the moon and not before‘.

·       Cherry Picker called Stash in and charged him for not reading the newsletter.  This is the first time, since Cherry Picker has taken over as Hon Sec, that he has not received an email from Stash contradicting or making some comment about the newsletter. 

·       Kan Not Kan attempted to charge a prominent member of the hash but as there is no such person there was no charge.

·       Boo was charged by Half Cut.  During the run Boo had made the comment that when girls join the hash their legs are something to admire but as the years go by it becomes less and less so.  Half Cut brought Goody Bay, Topless and visitor Christina in to disprove his point.

·       Knickerless and Fiona were brought in as Birthday Girls. Happy Birthday girls.

·       Saliva called the ‘public school boy’ in - In and Out - he obviously doesn’t know who the GM is as he charged Coo Chi Coo in lieu.

·       Saliva then called Astronut in and charged him for causing Lion City Hash to receive three fines in one year from the Tax Department.

·       Sharon Batu called Boo for delivering good news and bad news into the circle – as you will see above I didn’t get that charge so I am definitely not going to get this one.

Circle Ended at: Our collective memory is lost in beer.

Half Cuts Plagiarism:

“The Second Mouse Gets the Cheese”

On On On On!  

Scribed by Half Cut

Confucius Says:  Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

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