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Run 1415 Tia Maria’s Farewell Run |
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Date: 31st July 2009 |
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Hares: Tia Maria, Chicken Shit, Strapless, Peeking Ong |
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Run-Site: Sengkang Riverside Park
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On On: On site, authentic Spanish Food from Mr. Hoo
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Numbers: Members: 57 Returnees: 3 Visitors: 4 (incl. 1 virgins) Total 64 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Knickerless
History
Fifteen years ago no-one had heard of Sengkang, never mind the Riverside Park. It didn’t exist. There was no TPE and no bridge across the Punggol River. Nimble water skiers still gracefully swished their way along it, sending out plumes of glistening spray. Never mind the fact that the water tended to be an unusual blackish colour, had the charming scent of hydrogen sulphide and the occasional bag of dead piglets could be seen floating in it. It was still a rural retreat. The park itself was nestled unsuspectingly and embryonically under tranquil kampong where Seletar Farmways and Lorong Cheng Lim wound their way peacefully amidst little farms, gardens and even the odd little concrete pond full of cute little crocodiles. Ah, those were the days.
The event
Despite this being Tia Maria’s farewell run, in my mind it will always be remembered as “The sangria event”. Fifteen gallons of lethal liquor disappeared down the throats of undiscriminating hashers to result, the next day, in at least one unexpected and considerable hangover, mine. Tia Maria, other than about 15 other Co-Hares, organized the whole spectacular event all on her own. On being interviewed afterwards Miss Maria said “I believe it’s important to be amongst one’s friends at occasions like this, especially when one has the prospect of going to live in Manchester to look forward to”. At this point groans of sympathy were heard and Miss Maria was presented with a large umbrella.
The run
I’m warning you – this bit has very little to do with the run, and a lot to do with being set up by Half Cut as scribe. I mean, who in their right mind would ask an ageing arthritic spinster to write a resume of an athletic event like this? In retaliation, I shall expose a few little known, hitherto withheld, facts about hashers.
1. Hashers can be any sex. Some, like the testosterone driven Machine, are definitely men. Others, wimpishly brandishing their cutesy showers, perfumed gel and little mats to prevent the soles of their delicate feet from the naughty, rough ground underneath after the run like Strapless, are definitely women. Others are indeterminate. For example Cannot Can looks a little bit like a man, but wears a skirt.
2. Hashers can be any size or shape. Some, like Knickerless, are slim, lean and statuesque. Others tend towards bulk and hairiness and are shorter in stature. These are rarer of course.
3. Hashers can be any age. A few, like Phoney Dick and Bully, have been running for over a century whereas newcomers like Eleven are barely out of diapers.
4. Hashers can be any race. Caucasian, Chinese, Malay and Indian, like Long Sufferin’ – you name it, the Hash has it! Even those that seem to be from Mars, to name but a few, find a place on the Hash. Not ones to be left out, even Tasmanians, like Shoe Shopper, are regularly seen!
5. Finally, Hashers can be any religion. Alcoholism is common, and Pedants, Pueriles and Infantiles are often seen running and especially, participating afterwards in the ritual known as “The Circle”.
But I digress!! What about the work of the Hares? Well they did a good job. Thoughtfully, they set a long (for the runners amongst us, like Poser) and a short (for the more athletically challenged, like Running Shit) run. Out of the car park, on to a T check, back under the road and into the park, into the belukar parallel to Anchorvale Street. Through a bit of shiggy and along a log or two before emerging from the jungle to Thanggam LRT station. Through the station and over the road, turn left; down to and under the expressway. Back out again and onto a nice run in along a dirt track back to the park. A very enjoyable trail which brought the pack back happy. A unanimous verdict of GOOD RUN was given and well deserved.
The On On
Mr Ho’s Spanish food was well received and enjoyed by, gosh, must have been at least 50 people? Gallons of the abovementioned sangria were drunk and many a Hasher reeled uncertainly off into the dark after that, including me. Just shows; set a run that everyone enjoys in a location that everyone likes and Bob’s your uncle!
Thanks Hares; another enjoyable evening and On On On to Tia Maria!
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 08.02 pm.
What did we think of the Run ‘Good Run’ was Jack Off’s verdict after asking the circle for their opinion. ‘Almost as good as last weeks run’ was Comes Quietly opinion.
Tell us about your On On: On site, $12 a head, Mr. Hoe’s Spanish Food.
Next Week’s Run: Boo & Quickie, Strapless & Chicken Shit: Singapore National Day Run
Virgins: Sierra
Returnees: Long Sufferin’, Malfunktion, No Problem
Visitors: Fat Crushing Bastard, Hans, Hard Liquor
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Tia Maria
Tia Maria charged herself for taking this long to set a run.
She then brought her co-hares in, Chicken Shit, Strapless and Peeking Ong, and thanked them for being such a great help with her run.
Peeking Ong came into the circle for forgetting to bring all the usual accompaniments for a run.
(Editor’s Note: The rest was lost in noise from the street, sorry.)
Mystery Whip: Shut the Fuck Up
Cock Radio, unlike his usual fashion of appointing Mystery Whips ten minutes before the circle, endeavored to ‘up his game’ and actually asked Shut the Fuck Up at last week’s run to be Mystery Whip this week. As this is an unusual occurrence for Cock Radio he had to check with her before the circle as to whether he had actually asked her. Furthermore, he then asked her if she could remember whom he had asked to be Mystery Mystery Whip.
Shut the Fuck Up was most impressed by an acrobat within our midst who has been hiding her real identity, being Tarzan’s Jane. She was seen using vines to swing back and forth over creeks leaving the rest of the pack aghast at her expertise. Too Easy was brought into the circle for a down down.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Circle Jerk
Circle Jerk called for a Hawaiian or alternatively a West Coaster to come into the circle. Peeking Ong and Hooray came in (I think Hooray came in because he had a Hawaiian shirt on but don’t necessarily believe all you read). Yet to be confirmed, according to Circle Jerk the British Flag flies discreetly in the middle of the Hawaiian flag (or something like that). I stand to be corrected.
Slack Arse was called in as he was heard blaming his better half for a shoe blowout last week. She had brought the wrong running shoes for him to change into. This week he repeated the story and bemoaned the fact that good help is hard to find. Circle Jerk thought this was a bit harsh and gave him a down down. Here’s to Blow Job.
Long Sufferin’ was brought into the circle looking fit and well. There is a reason for this apparently and that is that she has not only joined the Delhi Hash but has a personal trainer who is a bit of alright – ‘a fit strapping fellow’ were her exact words to Circle Jerk (and also to others prior to the circle).
The Prick: Penile Extension came in with the prick and three options to hopefully pass it on. The first was Comes Quietly as he forgot his clothes, the second was Cock Radio for his attempt at Spanish and I never did get the third option as there was such unanimous agreement that it should be handed to Cock Radio .
GM Business: None
A.O.B.
Cock Radio called Tia Maria, Blood Shit and DIY in and proceeded to give us all a lesson in Spanish. Tia Maria was unwilling to give us the direct version of what she thought Cock Radio was trying to say but we all pretty well got the gist of it and were mostly quite happy not to have a direct version. Drink for all.
Cock Radio called Tia Maria back into the circle and presented her with a soon-to-be well-used umbrella for use in Manchester where she is going to live in the next few weeks
Cock Radio called in Comes Quietly for not bringing his proper attire to the hash. When Comes Quietly arrived, straight from the office, and pulled out his t shirt for the run, it wasn’t a t shirt but an unidentified piece of clothing, and, when he pulled out his black shorts they weren’t black shorts at all but a black pillow case. Give Mismanagement a down down.
Shoe Shopper called Machine into the circle and asked him to repeat one tongue twister, then another, and then asked him to repeat the two words ‘on on’ ‘on on’ . Apparently he has some difficulty in repeating these two words when he is running.
No Problem called Peeking Ong in. He had used the fact that his shoe blew out as an excuse for the short run. Down down given.
Slocum called birthday girl Jack Off into the circle. Happy Birthday Jack Off
Handbag came into the circle to let us all know that the following day was Yorkshire Day and DIY suggested that as a Yorkshire man he was obviously inviting everyone back to his abode for a party. Yippee.
Circle closed at 8.52
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
Editor’s note: Cancelled this week due to over-length of last week’s newsletter and Poser’s Garage Sale.
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius Says: If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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