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Run 1417 Big Head’s Birthday Run |
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Date: 14th August 2009 |
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Hares: Big Head, Phoney Dick |
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Run-Site: International Business Park
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On On: On Site, Yummy Indian Food $12
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Numbers: Members: 51 Returnees: 2 Visitors: 8 (incl. 1 virgin) Total 61 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Bagless
The pre-run banter was genial enough “third run in row more than 15 minutes from the Red Lantern” and the two ex-grandmaster hares threatening a cross canal swim home. However I doubt if anyone actually needed to immerse themselves in the sacred waters of the Ulu Pandan canal.
The Grandmaster called ON ON promptly at 6.05 with a straight forward start across the old railway bridge on to the Pandan running/bike track for a sprint towards Clementi Avenue 6. Early recollections involve Poser complaining that her hashing career was in danger of being cut short after a serious full frontal plunge the week before. Even worse though was the shock of discovering that Slack Arse clad in micro shorts had taken to carrying a water bottle butt crack Eleven style. Now some people can carry this off and some can’t…..!
Oh yes – back to the run. The perfect start - just enough to get the arteries opened up and the chest pumping. However…….. the fateful Clementi Avenue 6 check – that’s where it all went wrong!
A circle check with numerous multi-level options had the pack stumped for many minutes. I ended up with Running Shit and Hooray over the other side of the canal checking toward Sunset Strip and Clementi Road. Eventually at 06.25 ON ON was call somewhere back in the direction of home. After showing misguided concern for my two co-checkers I headed back but had to find paper myself. I eventually did on the railway line, sure enough back tacking toward home.
Why this seemingly obvious check had proved so difficult remains a mystery other than the hares appear to have decided to hide the paper, stuffing it in to the grass rather than placing it on the top and hanging on trees, but always just out of sight!
Still on my own I came across a late starting Mr Potato Head above me on an elevated bridge doing what appears to be his usual pin-balling back and forth looking for paper, without much apparent success it has to be said. I eventually caught up with Sooch and a lady guest walking extremely tentatively along the railway reserve, treading with caution normally reserved for a mine field. To be fair this was some seriously ankle cracking terrain.
Finding the second check at 6.45 suggested that discretion should be the better part of valour and the three of us headed for home, albeit with directional aid from a resurfaced Hooray. I never did see Running Shit again.
I later heard talk of “crossing the AYE”, “reservoirs” and “too much road” but unfortunately the mystery run reporter's mission failed and the run remains a mystery!
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 08.02 pm.
We have a stand-in Grand Mistress tonight – Fuck the Shut Up. Good choice.
What did we think of the Run ‘Fantastic run’ – am sure this was said by one of the hares, namely Big Head. The GM called for the opinion of a more reliable source and was promptly greeted with ‘Hash Shit’.
Tell us about your On On: Big Head decided that as her run was not given a 100% approval rating we were not getting food, or the free beer she had been going to distribute. Unfortunately, didn’t seem to change the opinion of the run.
Next Week’s Run: Sneaky Cummer & Wet & Wild, run is out in Pasir Ris
Footnote: GM suggested having your car serviced and a full tank of fuel for the long haul out there.
Virgins: Virgin Don was brought in for a down down. Running Shit who had brought him to the run had had some difficulty, I noticed, in encouraging Don to stop drinking and get changed prior to the circle, so I would suggest this is a good sign for his return. Down Down.
Returnees: Chastity Belt and Wanky Poo (who stayed at the front of the pack and loved the run)
Visitors: Lethal Weapon, Princess, Judith, Kelly, Fat Crushing Bastard, TBA, Colin King and Golden Showers.
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Big Head and Phoney Dick
Phoney Dick brought Aye Aye in who was completely useless in solving a problem Phoney Dick had in setting the run. Aye Aye is in a position of authority, in Phoney Dick’s eyes, to solve the problem and although Phoney Dick explained the problem to him Aye Aye could do nothing. Down Down for Aye Aye.
Big Head came in again but only to threaten us with no free beers for the on on if derogatory comments about the run continued – this did nothing to stop the comments, in fact possibly enhanced them.
Mystery Whip: Coo Chi Coo
‘GM – 100% sure that there is a Mystery Whip’
St Francis was brought in for, although he has special powers tonight, did a piss poor job of checking the ‘check from hell’. He vehemently proclaimed that he had fully checked the path only to have a skeptical Charlie double-check and find the tell-tale signs. It has to be said he could be turning into our GM who proclaims on a regular basis that ‘he is 100% sure’. Coo Chi Coo suggested that although he knows it is St Francis’ country do we really need these people.
The Mad Chinaman was brought into the circle. Coo Chi Coo pointed out that the US currency states ‘In God we Trust’ but apparently in Singapore even lawyers do not trust lawyers and asked the question ‘would you trust a lawyer’. A new regulation has come to the fore stating that lawyers are no longer allowed to hold onto money for clients. Down down for the lawyer.
Coo Chi Coo brought Crit in who he announced has been his personal trainer for the last six months and is responsible for his improved fitness and body. Crit obviously has hidden talents.
Big Head was brought into the circle for finding Coo Chi Coo in a photo with a million other heads visible. How the hell she found Coo Chi Coo was a mystery to all us but as Coo Chi Coo said she always has something nice to say and was obviously on the lookout for him in the photo. Her attention to detail was remarkable.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Mad Chinaman
In reference to a newspaper article stating that foreign talent is vital the Mad Chinaman called in Kan the Kobra, TBA, Don (the virgin), Sarah and Fat Crushing Bastard and announced that there is only one foreign talent out of this bunch that Singapore cannot keep and that is Tia Maria. Good choice as she is leaving us very soon anyway for Manchester.
St Francis was called into the circle mostly for leading everyone astray with advertising on his t shirt that he could not deliver.
Big Head was called in along with Bagless and Running Shit as more foreign talent. I am not sure what the Mad Chinaman’s recommendation was for their foreigners.
The Prick: Cock Radio announced as he had gained the prick by default (not likely – who is he kidding) he would be only too happy to give it away and was fortunate enough to have a candidate. He was at Orchard Towers with important clients (must have been important, heh) when he ran into three hashers (who were appropriately dressed in Scottish drag). He was surprised to find they were gone before he had a chance to speak to them and on catching up with Bagless Two he mentioned this fact to him. Bagless Two apologized but said there was a good reason he had to rush back to the Sportsmen’s Bar, where his wife had dropped him off a few hours earlier, and where his wife expected him to be when she returned. They had run short of time and were in a real big hurry to get back to their previous location before the wife returned and found them nowhere to be found. Down Down and the Prick for the lad.
GM Business:
Birthdays – DIY, Big Head and Half Cut. Happy Birthday one and all.
Cock Radio called St Francis in (alias Strapless) (his t-shirt for the night read ‘I am Your Shepherd Follow Me’). St Francis was leading Cock Radio on the run and they ended up on the wrong side of the canal. Cock Radio presumed this would not be a problem as he could open up the waters and they could walk across but he selfishly kept his talents to himself and they had a long walk around.
A.O.B.
Mr Potatoe Head called Poser, Sooch and one of the visitors in as he had come across the girls looking forlorn and lost during the run and when he enquired as to where they were going from there they suggested they didn’t have a clue until he pointed out very visible building familiar to our site. Down Down for the girls.
Stiffy called Judith for not only talking on her phone during the run but also preventing him from passing her as she was walking haphazardly on the path and he was jumping from side to side trying to pass her.
Wet Patch called Back Seat Bonker in as a look-alike for Tiger Lily. Tiger Lily being normally a front runner missed the paper or chalk for the run along with the twenty other front runners.
TBA called the hares in because ‘I won’t be here said the GM. Cock Radio called in for a drink for some reason.
Penile Extension was called in. Apparently at the Monday nights Hash he ran over a Chinaman’s grave and as they say this is bad luck. It certainly proved bad luck for Penile Extension and he took a spectacular dive off the side of the grave straight down on his knee. (He had also said he would be my Mystery Run Reporter tonight so he got out of that very nicely – some people will do anything to get out of being run reporter).
Penile Extension called Wet Patch in for being in the company of a porn star. Shoe Shopper had sunglasses on in the circle (for medical reasons I heard).
Crit called Eleven in as she had two showers – not content with one – she went for it again (what was he doing paying that close attention?)
Stiffy called the porn star in along with St Francis as he wanted to see a miracle performed, and we did – before our eyes Shoe Shoppers sunglasses came off and she could see. Without further ado Penile Extension crawled into the circle to have another miracle dispensed – unfortunately, for him the powers of St Francis seemed to be diminishing and he crawled back from whence he had come.
Circle closed at 8.59
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
Okay, okay, I know something else Australian but oh well, them’s the breaks.
Straits Times Tuesday 28th July 2009 – Aussie Golf Course Longest in the World
Melbourne: The world’s longest golf course, stretching along 1,365km of desert highway with holes at 18 towns and service stations, will open in Australia this year, organizers, said yesterday.
The Nullarbor Links, which will span two time zones and measure more than the entire length of Britain, is expected to be completed next month and will host its inaugural tournament on Oct 22.
Golfers will stop at one roadhouse, play a hole, then drive on to the next tee – 100 km down the road in some cases. The par 71 course will take three to four days to complete, with each player awarded a certificate.
Each hole will showcase a local attraction from whale watching to ancient fossil beds and a working sheep station. The course was the brainchild of Mr Bob Bongiorno who said he tried hitting a few balls when he first moved into the outback but got sick of encountering spiders when trying to retrieve them. There should be no such hazard on the synthetic greens of the Nullarbor Links, although golfers who hit a stray shot into the desert will face a monster sandtrap..
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius Says: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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