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Run 1419 2nd Father & Son Run, with a daughter-in-law to be |
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Date: 28th August 2009 |
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Hares: Handbag and Son & Bride to be |
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Run-Site: Edge Water Condo, End of Jalan Loyang Besar
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On On: On Site, Mr. Hoe’s fish & chips & free beer
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Numbers: Members: 51 Returnees: 2 Visitors: 11 (incl. 2 virgin) Total 64 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Not Tonight
Who says that Pasir Ris is a boring run? Handbag and son and “Little Purse” set a very eventful and interesting trail.
Ah! we nodded sagely they are no longer virgin hares and not making the mistake of bringing us back through the jungle in the dark this time!
So in we eagerly ran into the rough and scratchy bush – oh dear says Chicken Shit I’m wearing my beach shorts for a run in the park and along the water’s edge. Other ladies stopped to uproot curry bushes only to be left behind by 8 able-seamen heading in the opposite direction - following the call of the sea.
We were momentarily on a lovely, sandy beach but soon headed into mangrove swamp where several hashers tried to keep their feet dry by taking a floating polystyrene ferry only to be tipped fully clothed into the polluted ‘mud’. I was on the bank carefully assessing my options as I wanted to keep my new ‘blow dry’ dry when Boo helpfully splashed my new hairdo with salt water. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!
I followed gentleman Ripper who showed me the way to cross so that I only got my socks wet up. On along the drain and into more impenetrable forest, however with the sound of condo construction ever present. Out in the open we thought at last we are headed to the seaside park but no I met the intrepid Chicken Shit looking as if she had been plucked with her legs bleeding – “I’m not going back in that 3rd forest” she said – so we took a short cut to Costa Sands Concentration Camp arriving ahead of Shut the ---- up.
Some went left at the beach (fools) they thought they were getting an MRT train home! Those with experience went right, “We want to be in time for Mr Ho’s Fish ‘n’ Chips.”
Unanimous “Good Run” was the verdict given by ‘regular’ and ‘long’ hashers. THANKS to the Handbag family
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 08.00 pm.
What did we think of the Run Although the bride-to-be did not think it was a very romantic run overall it was considered to be ‘a surprisingly good run’
Tell us about your On On: Fish n Chips, Apple Pie & Ice Cream $12 & free beer
(this announcement prompted the comment ‘ f***g good run’)
Next Week’s Run: Machine and G-String, Jalan Lam Sam
Virgins: Leslie - with new shoes, and Adam
Returnees: Chastity Belt, Wanky Poo
Visitors: Edward, Dean, Greg, Jeff, GI Jane, Flesh, Rod, Don and John
‘what should we do with a drunken sailor’ Seemed like the appropriate song for the bunch to sing.
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Handbag
Tiger Lily was called in for not following trail (and leading others astray in the process) and then coming from whence they left.
Sharon Batu received a drink from Handbag for rubbing her shiggy body against him (maybe hoping for a repeat)
Bride & Groom were called in for a pre-wedding drink
Well done to Stash who received his 600th run award, and to
Ripper who received his 900th. Brilliant effort from both of them.
Sweet Thighs should have received her award in the circle but she disappeared at the crucial moment and was last seen hiding behind the beer truck. The method in her madness was accredited to her modesty.
Mystery Whip: Ditch
No Good was called in but I missed the charge.
Sharon Batu, Cum Puss and Wonton were seen (and heard) attempting to do a balancing act across a shiggy part of the run accompanied by much giggling and exclamations.
Penile Extension was called in to confirm or deny a rumour that he consulted a witch doctor about his gummy leg (injured some weeks ago when he fell during a graveyard hash run). His wife also would like it confirmed or denied that one of the cures the witch doctor recommended was that he carry a thong in his hash bag’
Crock o’Shit was called in for us to view his new body after his four week scrumptious gourmet eating holiday in France.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Wonton
Boo (aka Strapless) and Hooray (aka Peeking Ong) were called in for selfishly not sharing a durian they found on the National Day Run a few weeks back. They sat down in the middle of the jungle, used the parang to cut it up, did not call the others doing the rekky with them, and ate it.
Boo (aka Strapless, I think) stayed in. He was charged with using the same parang he had used to cut up the durian to dig a hole for his expiry of the durian.
Hooray (aka Peeking Ong) was called in for a similar charge to above.
The Prick: Bagless Too came into the circle with the prick and named three candidates for the unenviable task of receiving the prick. There was never any doubt once Cock Radio was named as one of the candidates - it was a foregone conclusion that he was going to walk away with it. Our Grand Mistress, as always looking out for our best efforts was heard to say sternly to Cock Radio ‘make sure you bring it back next week’.
A.O.B.
Not Tonight called Stiffy in. Stiffy had been overheard mentoring Penile Extension on ‘do not let your package get too big’ and then had gone behind Stiffy’s car to demonstrate to him on how he could avoid this calamity. As Penile was apparently the one needing instruction he received the drink.
Cock Radio called in Handbag and Sneaky Cumer and referred to recent newspaper articles reporting that the ocean is polluted and sewerage pipes continue to leak into the ocean at Pasir Ris. As they live in the area they can assist in the cleaning up. How they can assist is to abstain from eating roti prata, bee hoon, prunes, limit themselves to 6 cans of beer each night and travel to hashers homes in the west to use the toilet.
Sneaky Cumer brought one of the virgin seamen in and told the story of how the seaman took his shoes and socks off each time he had to cross a trickle of water on the run. When asked what he does in the navy – he is a diver. See ‘Naming’ under.
Shaggy Dick called Shoe Shopper (from Tasmania) and Cock Radio in. During the lift to the run in Shoe Shopper’s car, Cock Radio and Shaggy were talking in the back and Cock Radio exclaimed ‘Bob’s your Uncle’. In all seriousness from the front seat Shoe Shopper said ‘actually Bob was my Aunty’. Shaggy and Cock waited for a burst of laughter but none came, they looked at one another and then she said ‘my other aunty was called Billy’ and later ‘and my Mother was called Pop’. To finish the charge there is also an Uncle called Normal but in Shaggy’s word ‘ there is no f***ng normal’.
Shoe Shopper called Dog Mount in. During the run Dog Mount claimed the log and would not or could not get off it in the process of walking across it.
Tiger Lily called Machine and Harumi in for being German and Japanese but other than that am not sure.
Handbag called Cock Radio in. During the reccy Handbag had set up a float so hashers could float across the stream in preference to getting wet. This would have been perfect except for people like Cock Radio who rocked the boat so to speak and we didn’t have a hope in hell of getting across on it.
Shoe Shopper called Comes Quietly in as a look alike for Coo Chi Coo for a charge which I am sure was well deserved.
GM Business:
Cock Radio enquired as to who had either run out of fuel or, alternatively, filled up their cars twice to get to the run site.
Announcement: Cock Radio and Shaggy Dick are looking for alternative transport to the run from here (Shoe Shopper’s warning - be aware that any discussion on the way to or from the run could result in a charge)
Cock Radio not content with betting that he is ‘100% almost certain’ is now prepared to ‘bet his right and left testicle’.
Naming: Cock Radio called the sailor diver visitor in who is a boss to the guys who came with him. When the name Pussy Diver was suggested, because of his apparent distaste for getting wet on the run (see charge under AOB) his colleagues gave a resounding cheer. So be it.
Circle closed at 09.02 pm.
Half Cuts Plagiarism: For Cricket Fans
The Straits Times August 27th 2009 Neil Humphreys:
Cole Restores balance after Ashes Victory
England victories are a cause for confusion. There is no protocol regarding the celebrations because major wins are as rare as a date with Beyonce. When England took the Ashes back from Australia, I wandered around the living room and fidgeted more times than Michael Jackson’s doctor. In any tournament other than the Annual Sunburnt Contest, England do not fare well against the Aussies.
England fans go into cricket series with the kind of misguided optimism shared by a deranged Beyonce fan asking for that date. He keeps asking hopefully, but he never seriously expects her to say ‘yes’. And then, unexpectedly, the beautiful singer finally rewards him for all those disturbing e-mails and restraining orders by saying, ‘yes’.
He doesn’t know what to do because he has never been on a date with Beyonce before. He has never been on a date with a woman before. He’s used to rejection. He cannot handle jubilation.
That (really strained analogy) has often been the life of the England cricket fan.
Australian cricketers turn up in their Baggy Greens, pick up the Ashes and a few blonde ladies and take them Down Under to experience a winter that does not involve thermal gloves and ski masks. That was the natural order of cricket – until Australia turned up this year without Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Adam Gilchrist, Matthew Hayden and Justin Langer. Where’s Shane Warne the blonde ladies asked. Still, there was no need for Englishmen to dare to dream.
And yet, somehow, the Poms prevailed and the victory is proving difficult to compute; like an illegal error threatening to make the entire sporting system crash.
England usually do hearbreaking defeats; that’s their role on the sporting landscape.
Give them a football, five penalties and a German goalkeeper to face and they will do heartbreak better than Dionne Warwick and the Bee Gees. Could the England cricket team prevail against their oldest enemies. Of course not.
It’s just not cricket.
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy:
If you lend someone $20
and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
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