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Run 1420 |
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Date: 4th September 2009 |
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Hares: Machine & G-String |
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Run-Site: Jalan Lam Sam
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On On: Hong Kiat Seafood Restaurant
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Numbers: Members: 51 Returnees: 10 Visitors: 5 (incl. 3 virgins) Total 66 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Crock O’Shit
This 7.42km run had a little something for everyone. Those who enjoy a trot through the underbrush were quickly satisfied when the pack queued up, single file, to leave the sure footedness of the road only 50 meters into the start of the run. Already some began looking for the shortcut, not wanting to wait their turn.
Once in the bush, climbing steadily, all the while heading east and remaining parallel to Brickland Road, hashers relished in the shade giving a slight respite to the oppressive heat of the tarmac. At only about 5 minutes into the run, the pack broke into a gravel clearing, crossed an old road and hit a T-check. What happened next was described as controlled chaos by Slack Arse. A mixture of dolphin paper and pig-headedness sent everyone in the wrong direction for a while until Shoe Shopper finally asked “Why the hell are we going this way?” In the end, the T-check was treated like a circle check and 8 minutes later we were back on-trail running right through the T.
Spirits were high, and a left turn down a narrow path back down to Brickland Road is the way the true blue hashers went. The shortcutting bastards, sensing what was in store for Lion City, kept running straight. This was to become a pattern. As earlier stated, this run had something for everyone. The short-cutters had a nice loop with fewer ups and downs, yet with just enough bush to get slippery. There was even a chance to get your feet wet if you chose, as Loose Change did, to cross the canal instead of taking the bridge.
Road runners relished at the intersections of Brickland and Bukit Batok Roads. There wasn’t an unhappy face in the bunch. And then, there were the hills! Coo Chi Coo’s personal trainer took a tumble down one of them. For a few, the jungle climbs between 6 and 7 kms were a bit more than was hoped for, but that’s the Hash! At least you can’t fall UP a hill. When SloCum finally emerged from the Lam Sam Triangle to enjoy a well-earned beer, most people had already forgiven the hares. Bravo!
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 08.04 pm.
What did we think of the Run ‘Good Run’ ‘Good Run’ ‘Good Run’ was the vote.
Tell us about your On On: Hong Kiat Seafood Restaurant, $12 for the ones who found the restaurant in time.
Next Week’s Run: Too Good & Cunt Dracula, Peggy Low, Corner of Tagore Lane and Tagore Drive
Virgins: Bill, Doron, Cherryl
Returnees: Adina, John, Sea Change, Jingle Balls, Malfunktion, Juice Extractor, Jurassic Dick, Marc Donaldson, Chastity Belt, Wanky Poo
Visitors: Confused and Lesley
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? G-String and Machine
‘I am 100% certain we have a Hare Whip’ stated our uncertain GM
Machine called Saliva into the circle. Machine had his day planned with his normal German precision and his day included reading the Straits Times, getting organised to set the run, checking the weather forecast and laying the run. Unfortunately a phone call from Saliva to both himself and G-String was not included in his precise German calculations. He was, unfortunately, unable to get off the phone and then had to wait for G String. Down down for Saliva.
G String came into the circle and threw a very forlorn looking shoe into the centre of the circle. Apparently not only did Machine’s well laid precision planning not go according to plan but also when he arrived at the site one of his shoes decided to give up the ghost causing him to stumble and fumble his way around when setting the run and not being any help whatsoever to G-String. He not only sent G-String off to do all the t-checks to add insult to injury when he came across a 5 cent piece he gave it to G-String to put in her pocket to keep for him till after the run. Down Down for Machine
Mystery Whip: Fat Crushing Bastard
‘I am not absoloutely 100% sure’ said our GM
Fat Crushing Bastard brought the hares back into the circle for confusing the multitude by mentioning there was paper out there with blue dolphins on it that we were not to follow but that there was blue chalk that we should follow.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Slack Arse
‘I bet a left testicle on this one that there is a Mystery Mystery Whip’
Our GM bet his left testicle on the fact that there was a Mystery Mystery Whip and Slack Arse called him in for a drink to inform all that there was definitely a Mystery Mystery Whip but that he had only been asked two minutes prior to the circle. Drink for the GM.
Slack Arse suggested that if there was a problem with this run it was probably due to the language difference between the German and the Japanese. As everyone is aware we usually have the run laid with paper, flour and chalk but tonight we had blue chalk and blue dolphins which when interpreted from Japanese to German could very well account for the mix up. Drink for the hares.
Slack Arse called in a look alike Tiger Lily, Dog Mount, and Half Cut. Tiger Lily was going so fast that Slack Arse decided to slip into her slipstream. On hearing what was happening Half Cut informed Slack Arse she would ‘slip into yours’ (unsuccessfully I might add).
The Prick: Cock Radio called in Crock O’Shit in an attempt to give him the Prick which was MIA tonight.
A.O.B.
Cock Radio called Slack Arse into the circle for being too dammed organized and having pad and pencil although he had only been asked two mins prior to the circle to be Mystery Mystery Whip.
Jack Off called Cherryl in, one of the virgins, for telling Jack Off that she had better looking legs. Cock Radio investigated the four legs at close range to make his own decision.
Stash called look-alike Tiger Lily, Astronut, Comes Quietly and Penile Extension into the circle for not following the trail and bush wacking their way even though Stash had called the front runners on. ‘Run the f**king hash’. Give the Bush Wackers a note.
In & Out called Saliva in as she had expressed no knowledge of a very important event seventy years ago (this event being the declaration of World War II) (the scribe also found it hard to believe this was seventy years ago)
Cock Radio and Jack Off received down downs for having a debate in the circle. Jack Off had the final say with ‘Beaten by a woman’.
GM Business:
Cock Radio called Shoe Shopper in. He noticed her looking anxious during the day, pacing back and forth and continually looking at her watch. It appears that Wet Patch has been away and is due back this day. She was counting down the hours. Down down for the watcher.
Note: It would appear that Cock Radio and Shaggy are again looking for a lift to and from the run as the expletive that came out of Shoe Shoppers mouth was ‘F**k you guys, you can find your own way home’.
Cock Radio called Circle Jerk in for ‘standing to attention’ and smooching Eleven instead of paying attention to the circle.
Naming: Lesley the visitor was called in by Cock Radio for being too nice to him and at the same time having alternative motives. As we all know, Cock Radio, having gone for beers after work, was late getting to the run but Lesley appeared at his side almost immediately complimenting his every move. She then made her move - ‘I want a hash name’ she said, without ceremony. We are not sure what name she may have had in mind but ‘Sucking Up’ it now is.
Circle closed at 08.57 pm.
Half Cuts Plagiarism: For Cricket Fans
Elderbloom Bulletin June 009
Things you can Learn from Your Dog
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run, romp and play daily
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
When loved ones come home always run to greet them
When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
Let others know when they have invaded your territory
When your’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body
Never pretend to be something you’re not
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently
Avoid biting when a simple bark will do
Be loyal
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy:
If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
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