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Run 1423 |
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Date: 25th September 2009 |
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Hares: Circle Jerk & Eleven |
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Run-Site: Chestnut Avenue
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On On: Red Lantern
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Numbers: Members: 35 Returnees: 1 Visitors: 12 (incl. 3 virgins) Total 48 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Wet Patch
Chestnut is always a good area to run in and the hares started us off with an interesting route back down the road and left into the soggy plain. Most of us thought it was a loop but a circle check in which the guests contrived to lose a mobile phone and thus become detached from the pack was eventually solved and we proceeded up the hill and along a grassy slope towards BT hill and Echo valley. Another check took us down under the bridge and into a stream and trench foot was in prospect as we meandered our way along. Some wiser heads stayed above the water-line and we met up once again further along. Soon we were on one of the main tracks and Tiger Lily was in her element bounding through the jungle and predictably enough straight past the left turn into the leaf litter!
A long climb then ensued which brought us out high above the trees...."S**t we're on the cliffs above Echo Valley" blurted a slightly nervous Roooning S**t, "There's no way out". So it proved despite Comes Quietly's efforts to find a route out above us. Back down we went and we picked up a trail that eventually brought us out into Echo valley and a brief gambol on the grass. Shoe Shopper, having been started by SD2's rather too enthusiastic OnOn call, somehow contrived to twist an ankle and was forced to limp home. "See you there then" cried the always sympathetic Wet Patch.
At this point we were 40 minutes into the run and looking forward to the final third of what was a cunningly devised route from Circle Jerk. Surely the trail has to go left and up Bukit Timah hill, stated the wise old heads....However, he must have been on a promise when he reccied the trail as it turned out to be full speed towards Dairy Farm and back to Chestnut with the lead runners taking only around 5 minutes for the run in from Echo valley check (FRBs!!).
All but Phoney Dick (hash s**t holder) agreed it was a good run with one or two hashers choosing to take more scenic routes home and arriving back from a completely different direction around 40 minutes later. Thanks to Circle Jerk... and to Eleven for a great outfit to divert our attention in the circle.
PS Sadly the mobile phone was never recovered.
OnOn
Wet Patch
The Circle by Half Cut
Circle began at 07.55 pm.
What did we think of the Run Before the results were announced Cock Radio wanted to ensure that this run was not going to be nominated as a shit run and asked Phoney Dick how long his run took (this run presently holds the prestigious ‘shit run’ title for among other things only being 44 mins long). After clearing this up, there were then a few comments about Elevens non-participation in setting the run or making an appearance until time for drinkie poos. Anyway, after all that it was declared a ‘good run’.
Tell us about your On On: Red Lantern – as Stash said, ’nothing much we need to know about the Red Lantern’.
Next Week’s Run: Coo Chi Coo, Tampines
Virgins: Luke, Jarrah and Jesse. The virgin sailors came into the circle, were given their drinks, and proceeded to drink – obviously not well schooled by their head honcho. They redeemed themselves when they pronounced the run ‘awesome’. ‘Do we have another drink?’ asked one of the sailors.
Returnees: Shirley Temple, having been away two years, it was noted by the GM, should have a good night if the reception he received from the women is any indication.
Visitors: Kelly, Numcock, In3 Wn, Princess Sloth, TBA, Croch, Steffan, Chin Chin and John ‘Did you enjoy the run?’ said the GM - ‘Yeh’ said the Aussies, full of enthusiasm.
New Members: None
Sharon Batu kindly took on the job of Acting Grand Mistress as Jack Off was away and “Cock Radio was 100% sure he had chosen someone”
As the first charge, and most appropriate it was, Cock Radio was charged by Sharon Batu for being a dirty old man. Before deciding if she would be Acting Grand Mistress Cock Radio wanted to know if she had some sexy clothes to wear for the circle.
Do we have a Hare Whip? Circle Jerk
Circle Jerk took this drink for himself, and told the story of relying on his phone, the latest in technology, supposedly, to let him know the distance and time in setting the run. It failed miserably.
Circle Jerk charged three of the virgins for doing their own thing and ‘what were they doing in the bushes?’
Crash, Topless and Indecent Exposure were brought into the circle and given a drink for their teamwork on the hash. The comedy trio assisted each other in getting up the hill by pushing up the person in front and so on with one or the other being pushed flat on their face in the endeavour amid spluttering and laughter.
Milestones: None
Mystery Whip: Cheeks Out
Cheeks Out stated she was especially pleased to be the first Mystery Whip as there is always the danger of carefully planned charges being taken by the previous charge givers. Cheeks Out brought in the virgin sailors to explain to the crowd why the sailors were bending down to do the run. Then spend their time on board the boat – oops ship – bending over in the 9”ammo section of the ship and find it hard to rise above this
Mystery Mystery Whip: Sneaky Cumer
Our GM bet his left testicle on this one that there is Mystery Mystery whip.
Sneaky Cumer came in with nominations of whingers for the Prick. The first whinger Stiffy was nominated for something I missed but I am sure well deserved, the second whinger Penile Extension complained without pause about the circle checks and the third nomination was our much maligned hare Eleven for appearing not at all to set the run. They all received a drink and were sent on their way.
The Prick: After much discussion about the whereabouts of the prick during the week Cherry Picker received it.
(Beware all – at the on on CP was seen sneaking around looking and listening for slips of the tongue. If you were one of these hashers your name has been recorded in his list of possible candidates to receive it at the next run).
A.O.B.
Sneaky Cumer – helper cleaning the car and found it and then found it on your night stand.
Shoe Shopper called Front Seat Wanker in. He was heard to say on the run ‘I can do my business anywhere’. Give this man a note.
Penile Extension – This charge concerned the Grand Prix this weekend and the recent scandal. I think he was volunteering himself and other hashers as drivers.
Cock Radio called Shoe Shopper in. She was laid up with shin splints a couple of weeks ago and was told to rest. Did she rest – oh yes, in between running a 16km race and running the Sunday Hash. Give the cripple a note.
Shaggy Dick brought Shoe Shopper in again. The cripple twisted her ankle on tonight’s run and tried to blame Shaggy for it.
Cock Radio and Malfunktion were called in by me (Half Cut) – Cock Radio for using me as a back up for Mystery Mystery Whip in the event that no-one came into the circle to claim that spot as he couldn’t remember who he had asked and Malfunktion for saying ‘grab your women for the D & D’ – well, what about us girls do we grab women too.
Sneaky Cumer called Eleven to describe the run - she had nothing to say – but raising her glasses was enough said.
Shoe Shopper was told by Shut the Fuck Up, in a mum-like manner, that she should be resting and not walking on her twisted ankle. Shut the Fuck Up who apparently works for the Minister of Silly Walks was given a down down.
Wet Patch charged Crock Hunter for telling his guests, who arrived late for the run, which way to go (it was the wrong way). The woman said to her partner ‘don’t worry I will ask this nice little Chinese man which way the runners went’. The problem is that she only speaks Cantonese and insisted to her partner ‘no no no –don’t you worry (sounds awfully like Cock Radio) – I will ask him’ and then assured her partner ‘yes, yes, this is definitely the way – he told me’ (sounding more and more like Cock Radio). Down down for the visitors.
Twin Towers brought in Wonton for talking on the phone at the back of the pack. Then she brought in Stash for not stopping her from chatting during the circle (he is the one paying for it).
Dinner and Dance:
Malfunktion, or was it Maladjusted, noted that a flyer for the D & D was given out tonight and that organization for the event well in hand although they continue to look for donations of unused bottles of spirits to use as prizes.
Stiffy re flyer for the D & D – Kan Not Can has booked 45 minutes. Kan Not Can or five separate sketches.
GM Business:
Naming: Cock Radio brought Kelly in and building on his reputation as a dirty old man took her hand and walked the circle with her. Although other names were proposed it was decided that as Vibrator is on her agenda the name Wobble Tits would be most suitable.
Circle closed at 08.45 pm.
Half Cuts Plagiarism:
London Times 2008 – London Times Obituary – Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health begun to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the hob that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son Reason.
He is survived by his four step-brothers; I Know My Rights, I want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame and I’m a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
On On On On!
Scribed by Half Cut
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy: Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time
because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
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