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Run 1425 The Annual Shit Family Run |
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Date: 9th October 2009 |
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Hares: All members of the Shit Family |
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Run-Site: 218 Boon Lay Ave
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On On: On Site, Mr. Hoe
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Numbers: Members: 58 Returnees: 6 Visitors: 11 (incl. 2 virgins) Total 75 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Sneaky Cumer
Well it was the Shit Family run, wasn’t it? So I had “hash shit” expectations as I arrived with the stand-in GM. Tiger Lily was struggling to find the run site as we drove past her, one of the hares was looking worried as he directed us through a labyrinth of car parks to the very back of the HDB estate, and the stand in GM was already rehearsing his excuses for the inevitable (it seemed) visit from the local constabulary (I thought we weren’t supposed to set runs from anywhere near civilization, let alone HDB car parks). Set on our way slightly after 6, things looked even worse as we waited 5 minutes to cross Jurong West Avenue 2. A sneaky circle check then left me miles behind the front runners as they headed off up the track along West Avenue 2, up a hill, and back down to the track. Then under the PIE and off into the forest bordered by the PIE, KJE, and Jurong Road Track 22 (where do they get these road names from)? It won’t surprise me to discover a “Jurong North West partly paved and slightly bumpy track 22-b” one day.
Anyway, at this point the run turned from a hash shitty to a marvelously shitty run. Fabulous forest trails, very shiggy and shitty, dark forest, deep grass, muddy canals to wade through; the hares had found everything to make an honest hasher rejoice. Why Stiffy and In and Out were whinging after a freshening swim in the canal was beyond me. How the hares found their way through the subsequent trail is a story worth hearing over a beer one day (were they technology assisted, a question worth asking). At one point after the short/long split, the trail suggested that if the hares had used technology, it had malfunctioned at that point, leaving a “how the f^%k do we get out of here” sort of trail through unbroken forest in a more or less straight line. Finally, we emerged from the forest onto an old bitumen track, cunningly disguising a few obstacles like a precarious balance beam over some shitty water, before we finally emerged along the PIE to run back the out trail along the now famous Jurong West Avenue 2 to home, a well-earned beer, and a slightly nervous looking bunch of home-seekers in the freshly painted HDB block. Well done hares, slightly long but nevertheless a fabulous run.
Sneaky Comer
The Circle by Cherry Picker
Circle began at 08.03 pm and 23 seconds.
Mystery Grand Master, Comes Quietly, called in the hares: Among them were e.g. Croc O’Shit, Shit Fit, Blood Shit, Chicken Shit, Somebody else Shit. Running Shit was absent, running from the HDB warden.
What did we think of the Run A shitty good run.
Tell us about your On On: On Site, Mr. Hoe’s Fish and Shits, Apple Pie and Ice Cream. (He must have brought it all the way from Pasir Ris) Free Beer made the run a definite good run.
At this moment, Comes Quietly started to ask: “Is there a mystery gr..” “Shut the Fuck Up”...”Pardon me, I just asked: Is there a mystery gran.....” “Shut the Fuck Up” This is the way Shut the Fuck Up sneaked her way in as Grand Mistress for the night.
Next Week’s Run: Saliva dragged in Aye Aye, only to say one word: “Greasy Spoon” Whereby she meant the run site. She later send the OnSec an email stating that the On On is NOT at Greasy Spoon.
Virgins: Holly and Jenna. And what virgins they were. The GM asked the standard question: ”Who made you come?” “Wet Patches Son was the answer”
Visitors: TNTC (Too numerous to count). Tight Arse, Cat Woman, Priscella Yu, Lethal Weapon, Colin, Milce, Linda, Danny, Singapore Sling. Bully shouted” We don’t even know who they are and where they came from but still keep on singing for them” I don’t know where they came from either but suspect what they came for. What a disappointment that there were no Shit Family Give Away’s this year.
New Members: None.
Do we have a Hare Whip? Croc O’Shit
Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper were accused of not finding their way to the runsite despite the more than accurate description in the newsletter. They were also leading the following Taxi with Big Head astray.
Croc O’Shit accurately observed that he looked like shit in his shit hat. This hat was a give away on the 2001 Shit Family Run. To make things better (without success) he was wearing it the half cocked way, the French way. He called in all the French.... Only Marie came into the circle. Probably all the other French left with Running Shit.
Just before the circle, Croc O’Shit received a SMS from a nervous GM “Hi Mate, hope nothing will happen in the circle” “No Cock Radio, I love you” was his answer. The SMS came because the runsite was technically not approved by the committee. But one of the most powerful members of the Shit Family, Running Shit, damned them all and was not accepting anyone, especially not the committee, to tell him where he can set a run from. However, in the end he fucked off, too scared to face the consequences and left it to the attending members of the committee to negotiate a truce with the local authorities.
Mother Mary was called in as look alike for Tiger Lilly. While this runsite is ideal from all aspects, there is one think that would need improvement. The fair gender has some issues with taking care of business. While Shut the Fuck Up was running away looking for a lavatory, Malfunktion asked for a toilet roll and went behind a tree. Tiger Lilly, however, went straight into one of the dumpsters as the best place for her business.
Milestones: None
Mystery Whip: Wet Patch
Somewhere on the run, Machine said that” You have to watch out, otherwise you fall into the hole.......argghhhh” and he fell into the hole himself.
I can’t read my handwriting any more but there was a charge where Wet Patch offered Shut the Fuck up a certain service and she said that that was the best offer she received all day. DIY was called in. If this was the best offer she received all day, we understand now why his name is DIY.
While running close to Tiger Lilly (Bullshit, if you ask me), there was a 6ft long stretch of toilet paper hanging over a branch and Tiger Lilly asked “Where is the run?”
There was this ditch crossing half way through the run. Some of the ladies chose not to do the crossing. When one of the ladies was asked whether she made the crossing, she replied “I didn’t like the look of it”. On in, Penile Extension. Here is the nature girl…..
Mystery Mystery Whip: Shoe Shopper
She called in Skeaky Cumer as look alike for Cock Radio. Last night Cock Radio realized that he had no Mystery Whip assigned. So he called Shaggy Dick Two only to find out that he was on the same plane to Bali as himself. As Cock Radio only knows three persons, the next on his list was Shoe Shopper. After she agreed to be MW, has asked whether Wet Patch is around because has important business to be discussed. She then went on to enquire about who the Mystery GM would be. Comes Quietly of course, to keep it in the family.
The 2 virgins were called in. Virgin number 1 was wondering “We run around and end up near the place we parked the car”. Virgin number 2 said: “I was hot and sweaty…..that was before I left the house”
The was a conversation about fashion and it had to do with Knobby Boy Scout’s outfit for the Red Dress Run. He is a little flat chested……
The Prick: Twin Towers: “Last week I wasn’t here and this week I don’t know where the prick is and what I got it for.”
A.O.B.
Coo Chi Coo called in Ayam Zinking and thanked him for the write up of his run last week. It would have been better if it wasn’t in Pidgin English.
Coo Chi Coo called in Cherry Picker for wrongly stating that Wonton was one of the hares. Half Cut, where are you?
DIY had an enquiry from Eleven about the Red Dress Run. She wanted to bring a friend who was thinking to bring her 5 year old son. “Can he come?” she asked. Eleven, who is hashing for a while now has obviously no kids yet. She would be a wonderful mum but for sure, her friend’s son is too young for Orchard Towers.
Loose Change called in Croc O’Shit for a very complicated matter which was completely lost on me.
Penile Extension called in all the Germans: Pussy Lifter, Armless, Ayam Zinking, Indecent Exposure and Machine. (was this a German invasion?) He stated that this was an intelligent hash (sounds like bullshit to me) and started talking about last week’s very important date in German history. 20 years ago, three countries did not agree with the German reunification. Loose Change in as look alike for Maggie Thatcher, Slack Arse as Gorbachev and Croc O’Shit as Yank. They were trying to find reasons for not supporting good old Germany.
Aye Aye is usually driven to the runs on Friday night. Sometimes this is quite traumatic because he doesn’t know where the run is. Tonight was one of those nights. He saw a familiar car on the highway but before he could follow, it disappeared. As they were exiting the highway at exit 34, they a large white car going in: Boo. Lookalike Strapless received the charge.
Dinner and Dance:
In and Out announced the event of the year. Dancing Girls, Singers, Strippers. Get the cheques in early.
There are rumors that the door gifts are worth half the ticket price.
Saliva requested to change the Theme.
GM Business: None as there was no real GM
Circle closed at 08.44 pm and 3 seconds.
Half Cuts Plagiarism: Cancelled this week
On On On On!
Scribed by Cherry Picker
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy:
Good judgment comes from
bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
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