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Run 1428 |
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Date: 30th October 2009 |
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Hares: Astronut, Slocum, Mother Mary & Zipp |
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Run-Site: Bhatera Track
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On On: Cheng's Seafood Restaurant at Farmart Centre
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Numbers: Members: 64 Returnees: 3 Visitors: 23 (incl. 2 virgins) Total 90 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Wankie Pooh
What a joy to find an old area still visited and I didn’t feel it had changed at all in the five years we have been away in Shanghai. It felt SO good to be back!
Thinking it was miles away, we set off in good time – only to find the traffic all heading the other way and we cruised in some 30 minutes early. So it was a nice relaxed start to the run and a chance to catch up with some lovely friends that we hadn’t seen for some time. Ugly Bum and Ad Nauseum, Mother Mary, Indecent Exposure and Armless….welcome back!
A predictable/good start to the run, with a check back, reversed the pack and scooped up the late comers. The hares had clearly put in a great deal of effort to cut through swaths of secondary forest, old pandan plantings and streams – what would they have done without their GPS many wondered…..? As we always hope, with two such experienced and almost professional hares – the pack was beautifully kept together and, for such a slow runner, I had a very social run.
The most overriding memory is one of steep slopes with soft slippery undergrowth. Torville and Dean came to mind. However, there was none of their grace and elegance as front runners tried to muscle through and ended up with a 5m slide into oblivion – up to their heads in weed.
We skirted past the kids outdoor camp – following the wire some distance. It was interesting that, after the circle, Mother Mary assured me, that the stream of fancy cars regularly breaking up our proceedings – male drivers and their glamorous dolls accused of heading off for a quiet kanoodle in the dark – were really concerned parents going down to check that their darlings were ok…….really?
There were three US ships in town and a happy gathering of some 12 sailors joined the run. They were easy going and rather shy. One sailor stopped to offer a hand to a fellow lady hasher – but then turned, totally ignoring me at the bottom of the pit…. Should I be flattered that he thought I was fit enough to do it without his help?
We had a brief view of the sea down the road – barbed wired and fortified, I guess, against invading migrants… before heading off for the quiet country lanes of Jalan Bahtera and Kapal. A faster pace and we became more strung out.
However, the dark groping for the way home, for the last 30 minutes, through the woods and undergrowth was not appreciated. A big part of the pack struggled to get home – the two guys with torches were gratefully appreciated and were a welcome light to draw us on. When it is known that it will be dark at 7pm at this time of the year; that it is a rainy season and there is a good chance of rain – if not before the run then certainly during the run; that the average age of Lion City Hash continues to climb – this cavalier attitude of the hares was not only irritating but frankly down right irresponsible. We are not the Macho Monday Hash and we dont need a ......"F**k you - this is the Hash" ....from the hares once back thank you!
The circle was most muted when deciding on the run – clearly torn between expressing the joy and delight of the run and the disappointing struggles at the end.
My Run - by Wankie Pooh
The Circle by: Cherry Picker
Circle began at 19.57pm.
Both, our Grandmaster and Grandmistress entered the stage. A rare occurrence.
What did we think of the Run: too short, not dark enough, etc. Final verdict: Very Good Run
Tell us about your On On: Farmart Center, 12S$ a head, free beer.
Next Week’s Run: Two funny looking Germans (Armless and Cherry Picker) entered the circle. They debated a few moments, showing off their T-Shirts, and finally proclaimed Kent Ridge Park, meeting point 2 as next weeks run site.
Virgins: Jonas, Alan
Visitors: Kaching $$$$$ (Too many to mention)
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Slocum
(As the circle was very crowded and noisy, your scribe half guessed what happened next and guess what, he guest wrongly as can be seen later.) Not Tonight look alike Ugly Bum and Astronut were called in. Or maybe Not Tonight and Ugly Bum were called in. “This charge is for those who complained that the last bit of the run was in darkness: This is the hash, fuck them”.
Milestones: None
Cock Radio called in all the Scorpios and gave them a down down.
Cumpuss then called the Scorpios again to give them a birthday cake. Half the circle was singing “Fuck off you Cunts” while the other half was singing “Happy Birthday”.
By this time the second attempt to provide light to the scribe failed. The beer boys’ lamp broke before the circle even started, Peeking Ong’s proud contribution broke down at this very moment. Ugly Bum came to the rescue with a very useful headlight.
Mystery Whip: Indecent Exposure
She came across Ayam Zinking at the moment where one of the female hashers had a small ‘accident’: “The tits fell out of her breast”. After almost receiving a down down herself for such a description, she quickly corrected it to “the tits fell out of her bra”. The female Hasher asked Ayam Zinking to help her put them back. What an opportunity! Instead of helping her, he responded “you don’t need a Bra, it looks much better when they bounce up and down”. Who was he talking to??? Goody Bag. (That means he refused to put the goodies back into the bag).
One of our guest hashers tried to buy a T-Shirt from our Haberdash. After an extensive search he concluded that he is too big for all she has on offer. Is he too big? “He’s Alright,….”
After the first half of the run, Indecent Exposure saw Astronut and Slocum waiting at the street. Wow, what a run she thought, they even have a Drink Stop. Bastards! It wasn’t a drink stop, it was a Road Stop.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Cunt Dracula
Cunt Dracula thought that he had seen everything on a hash but obviously he was mistaken. He saw 4 of our guests, Navy boys, coming to the runsite in a Limousine. Not only that, the chauffer was still waiting for them at this very moment.
Everybody knows that Boo is never on trail. For once, he actually was. They came down a very slippery slope and Boo advised “Step aside or you fall”. One second later, Boo was on his bump.
Cunt Dracula called in a representative of Singapore’s female population; Saliva. He read in the Straits Times about a comparison of woman power in Society. Where is Singapore in a ranking from 1 to 89? It is 85th. “Can you guess that from a prime specimen like this?” Bullshit, Bullshit, it all sounds….
The Prick: MIA
A.O.B.
Slocum called in another Singaporean: Boo. Last week they released another statistic, related to Freedom of Press. Singapore increased its rating from 144 to 143. It is still behind Malaysia, Kenia, Kongo, Indonesia…..
Boo called in the Grand Master and Grand Mistress. Cock Radio and Jack Off entered the circle together. He called for the visitors and informed them that we are very friendly in Asia, we say welcome. They should have a look at these two people because they are the presidents of our club. Instead of welcoming our guests, Cock Radio asked “Did you pay?” while Jack Off said “no pay, fuck off”
Boo continued in the circle and called in the Lucky Seven and asked them whether they were from the Navy and had a song. However, what then came wasn’t really what he expected: “We have a down down song, it isn’t very long, down down down down down.” At that stage Boo proved the Asian friendliness by saying “Now you fuck off”
A Lucky 7 HHH representative called in Cherry Picker for being instrumental in his being here. A Lucky 7 HHH T-Shirt was presented to which the crowd immediately retorted to “Off, Off, Off…”. Once Cherry Picker took off his T-Shirt, he received a noisy “Who ate all the pies…” Thanks guys!
Cock Radio called in Fat Crushing Bastard because he was the one who shouted “Give the fat Bastard a down down” , meaning Cherry Picker.
Asher called in Loose Change and Slack Arse. This couple has been together for 40 years through shiggy and jungle.
Slocum called in Stiffy and Slack Arse as the two people who spend their anniversaries at the hash because it costs them less than 50 S$.
Cherry Picker called Ugly Bum and Not Tonight for pretending to be away when they were called in earlier and to being a look alike for each other.
The Navy Boys informed us that they were extremely happy to see Jack Off here in the circle tonight because usually they jack off on the ship.
Ugly Bum was furious with Cherry Picker because it has been a long time since she has been here and she completely relied on the newsletter to tell her what is going on. But today she learned that the hash is going downhill, that the newsletter is not truthfully representing what is happening on the hash. Cherry Picker wrongly accused her of being Cheeky. He should pay better attention to what is happening in his position as scribe.
Stiff called in a representative for Singapore: Boo. Global warming should be discussed in a neutral forum and that could only be the Singapore Parliament.
Slocum charged the seamen again, this time for tracking Jack Off.
Suzie Wong announced that there is a great party next week, on the 7th of November at Tanglin Club. Whoever has nothing better to do should really try to show up. It is the world famous Lion City Dinner & Dance.
GM Business: Both GMs were around but none of them had any business.
Circle closed before the On On started.
Half Cuts Plagiarism: excused
On On On On!
Scribed by Cherry Picker
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy:
Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it.
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