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Run 1429 German Oktoberfest Run |
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Date: 6th November 2009 |
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Hares: Armless, Cherry Picker, Ayam Zinking, Pussy Lifter, Machine, Jurassic Dick |
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Run-Site: Kent Ridge Park |
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On On: On Site German Food |
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Numbers: Members: 47 Returnees: 2 Visitors: 13 (incl. 2 virgins) Total 62 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Shoe Shopper
As we gathered around the German assault team dark clouds loomed overhead and I thought the Germans were going to make me wet (Editor’s note: If you want a German to make you wet, I am sure there will be volunteers) but luckily for all of us the rain held off.
The run headed off down some steps to the inevitable T-check which the FRB's got to see as Tiger Lily wasn't there tonight! We eventually picked up trail in the park and meandered towards Vigilante Drive and another T-check. The trail then moved inventively through the woods, up and down, up and down, with clever loops, allowing the pack to stay reasonably close together.
Eventually we came across a rope. (Well, not literally, it was just there.) "Belay! Belay!" So down we went, and steep it was! Then up, up, up the other side and down again - I didn't know the Grand Old Duke of York was German! Anyway, we eventually came out above the pond and to another T-check up a drain near the Science Park.
More woody trails before we eventually reached Alexandra Park on Winchester Road. I was expecting to run on home from there but no... too easy for the Germans! It was a dark, slippery, thorny trail they led us through but finally we emerged near civilization again, where we earned our beer and a cleverly-designed T-shirt.
Well done, you bloody Germans - good run!!!
SS.
The Circle by: Cherry Picker
Circle began at 19.51pm.
What did we think of the Run: All Germans including the German visitors entered the circle under loud shouts “Too many Germans”. After the visitors were told to fuck off, Armless, Cherry Picker, Pussy Lifter, Ayam Zinking and Jurassic Dick remained to receive a Good Run
Tell us about your On On: On site, Pork Knuckle & Sauerkraut, and free flow of Schnapps for 12 S$.
While the Germans left the circle, Armless used the opportunity to take control of the circle and gave our two GMs a Jaegermeister Down Down. Both of them survived but will surely remember this experience for the rest of their lives.
Next Week’s Run: Cheeks Out told us that next week’s run will be at Chestnut Avenue.
Virgins: Two German virgins entered the circle and claimed that the Swedes made them come: Madeline and Martin
Visitors: Cock Radio called unsuccessfully for the visitors. He then retorted to call them name by name without avail. What happened to all the visitors?? The following people should have entered the circle: Kelly, Vibrator, Ammi, Berit, Rob, Pauline, RTC, Sunee, Cunny Licker, Paul, Ah Beng
Returnees: Juice Extractor, Sharon McParlin. Cock Radio wrongly called in Vibrator who received a “Fuck off you Cunt”
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Cherry Picker
(Nobody took over to scribe, assuming that my memory would survive the Schnapps, let’s see)
Cherry Picker called in all the present hares: Armless, Ayam Zinking, Pussy Lifter and Jurassic Dick. All being Germans, he claimed that there were no fuckups, no misdeeds and no mistakes whatsoever to warrant a charge. The run was well planned and the plan was carried out with the utmost precision.
In order to deliver to the circle’s expectations, Cherry Picker had to dick deeper into the history of this run, to the very day the idea took shape in drunken Armless brain at the Monday Hash’s anniversary run. Not being able to agree an appropriate date for the run, Armless finally said: “Cherry Picker, don’t get crazy about this, at Lion City, the hashers wouldn’t even notice if we did the Oktoberfest Run in March.
Cherry Picker then tried to rope in all the other Germans who all, except Machine, had a fall back position or condition to join. Machine had no conditions and no “ifs” and no “buts”, he just said “yes, can do”. Machine was the only one not attending the run.
Pussy Lifter for example wasn’t sure whether he would recover from Chikugunyia Fever between April and November.
Jurassic Dick had a very meaningful conversation with Cherry Picker. It went something like this:
CP: “We, all the Germans, are doing an Oktoberfest Run, 1st week of November. Do you want to be one of the hares?”
JD: “Yes, why not? When is the run?”
CP: “First Week of November”
JD: “November, hmmmmmm, ……very dark”
CP: “Dark, aehhh what do you mean?”
JD: “Ja, November is very dark”
CP: “You mean that we have rainy season and it gets dark early?”
JD: “Yes, when is the run again?”
CP: “First Week of November”
JD: “I mean, what day is the run?”
CP: “What day? What do you mean by what day?”
JD: “Is it on the weekend or during the week?”
CP: “It will be on a Friday”
JD: “OK, I can do it but November is very dark”
CP: “Yes, ….it will be a dark time for us, you are right.”
JD: “I mean it will be very dark”
CP: “Yes, dark” By now it was one minute to 6.
JD: “What time will the run be?”
CP: “What time what?”
JD: “I mean what time will the run start?”
CP: “What about 6.00pm ? Would this be a good time for you?”
JD: “Ohh, but it is very dark, can’t we start an hour earlier?”
Armless and Indecent Exposure entered the circle and had to listen to a detailed description of their reccie attire: tight fitting trainers, old shabby hash T-shirt, dirty baseball cap and walking stick. Armless attire included a transparent plastic bag with toilet paper which became quite handy when he needed to go to the toilet. Coming out of the toilet he was observed by one of the park visiting Ladies. Her face almost dropped to the floor when she saw the big old Ang Moh guy coming out of the toilet with his obviously stolen toilet paper.
Cherry Picker went on to paint a picture of how the after-reccie-party in front of Armless car: Full reccie attire, dirty, muddy, disgusting and stinking 5m against the wind. It looked like a bunch of homeless bummers having a drinking party with empty beer cans all over the place and every one still having one can at the throat. Then a couple with young kids, obviously Germans, entered the car park only to be frightened off. The mother took her kids by the hand and passed quickly, dragging her kids along. What did Armless do? He tried to draw their attention and said, in German, “What a lovely day for a walk, isn’t it?” The mother increased her speed, the father just said “yes” but didn’t even bother to stop. As he sped away, he was overheard saying “Kids, never ever speak to strangle uncles like that”.
By all means, Armless, they could have been Cherry Picker’s son’s classmates. The parents could be sitting next to Cherry Picker at the next parents evening wondering where they know him from.
Milestones: Mother Mary received a crystal ball beer holder for 800 Runs.
Mystery Whip: Twin Towers
Cock Radio came into the circle. When Twin Towers asked him whether he needed an extra Eye Patch, he wanted to know what for. “For tomorrow’s D&D, of course, dump-head” Cock Radio then explained to Twin Towers that there was no way he would use an eye Patch. The patch would impact his clear view on all the girls’ boobs. (During the charge, Twin Towers had to remind Cock Radio several times to keep his hands away). Give the dirty old man a down down.
Jurassic Dick came into the circle, complaining that it was too dark to see Twin Tower’s boobs. He disturbed Twin Tower’s shower with the excuse that he needed water to have a shower himself. Having very little water left, she asked him how much he would need. He reassured her that he would only a little bit of water to take a “German Shower”. He then washed his hands and was finished. Give the smelly Bastard a note.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Hand Bag
Hand Bag called in Armless, Ayam Zinking and Indecent Exposure. When he arrived late at the run site and hurried to get changed he forgot to turn his light off. Did they tell him? Not only didn’t they tell him, they were still smiling right now.
All Hares were called in again to be questioned about one or two minor technicalities. “What month is it? is it the right month to do an Oktoberfest Run?” and “What location is this? Is a British defense station the right location for a German Run?”
In good old custom, he then went on to charge himself. About 20 years ago he came back by helicopter one night and went straight to the pub to get pissed with his buddies. They were drinking until 5.00am the next morning when one had the great idea to go to the Oktoberfest. The indeed went to the airport and took the first flight out to Munich. Hand Bag’s Ex-Wife still doesn’t know that he has ever been to the Oktoberfest.
Paul, one of our guests, was called in. Paul, who is very new in Singapore told Handbag that the Oktoberfest was the only place he ever had to have his stomach pumped out.
Next in line for the circle were Kan not Kan and Phoney Sex. Kan not Kan asked her whether she was a virgin and she replied that she was indeed a very very very virgin.
The Prick: MIA
A.O.B.
Saliva called in Armless for being a hopeless German who does not even know where Yorkshire is. She then calls in guest Paul to explain. He said it was north of London to which Armless replied “Where the hell is London?”. It seems that Armless had earlier asked somebody whether Yorkshire was part of Scotland.
Coo Chi Coo asked how we would know that somebody lived in Singapore too long. The answer is that if you come to a carpark and automatically put coupons in the window, even though it is not coupon parking. Running Shit.
Coo Chi Coo charges Armless for not paying attention to what he says. Coo Chi Coo made an intellectual statement (sounds like Bullshit to me) and Armless didn’t even notice. After the run Coo Chi Coo said to Armless “I’ve been told you set a good run from here” and Armless replied “Thank You”.
Jack Off called in all the lonely Ladies who were abandoned by their husbands for the night: Chicken Shit, Dominator, Wonton and G-String. She is extraordinary happy to see the Mad Chinaman and Penile Extension here instead of being at the Monday hash ex-officer dinner to which they were not invited to in the first place.
Legolass announced the 1900th run of the Harriets on 18 November. Check their website for more details.
GM Business:
Jack Off called in Twin Towers because she is keeping her prick.
Cock Radio, already disillusioned with the Germans because they do their Oktoberfest Run in November, called in Topless. He is in fact very disappointed tonight because he has seen many pictures and film clips about the Oktoberfest and about the German females serving the beer. Somehow Cock Radio feels that Topless does not come up to the mark and he is forced to charge one German: Armless.
Naming: Jack Off calls in Paul. In reference to earlier charge about his stomach being pumped at the Oktoberfest, she proposed to name him “Pumped Up”. The circle did not really agree but we are not a democracy and Jack Off used the power infested in her to overrule everyone. From now on we shall know him as Pumped Up.
Circle closed in time for the Pork Knuckles.
Half Cuts Plagiarism: permanently cancelled
On On On On!
Scribed by Cherry Picker
Confucius
Says Phil-osophy: We are
born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep
getting worse.
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