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Run 1432 St Andrews Run |
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Date: 27th November 2009 |
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Hares: Ad Nauseum, Aye Aye, Bagless, Bagless Too, Dogshit, Kan Not Kan, Malfunction, Shut the Fuck Up |
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Run-Site: End of Rifle Range Road |
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On On: Red Lantern |
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Numbers: Members: 69 Returnees: 1 Visitors: 16 (incl. 4 virgins) Total 89 |
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Shaggy Dick Too
IT was a perfect afternoon to celebrate another St Andrews Day, grey, cloudy and pissing down with rain. A normal Highland summer’s afternoon, and the rich aroma of monkey piss just added to the ambiance. When the GM told us about the run; the first half hour is on paper in the jungle, the second half hour is on paper in the jungle, the third half hour is on paper in the jungle and the last half hour is on paper in the jungle, the GM was looking a little more nervous than most. He had the look of a man who couldn’t find his way home to Dunearn Road earlier in the week and was seriously facing the possibility of spending several days lost in the jungles of Rile Range Road.
By the looks of things a large percentage of the expat population of Scotland had a hand in setting the run. It seemed that they all been given ownership of their own little part of the run to set and then they had stitched all the pieces together. On the whole the seams were hardly noticeable. At various places scattered around the run we would find a hare standing around looking rather pleased with themselves saying things like “Och aye the noo, did ye enjoy that wee bit, aye I did that bit meself Jimmy”. There was one bit however out on Venus drive that nobody had been in charge of, so the poor pack were left running around like a spare Haggis at a caber toss.
The front runners made It back to the run site in just over the hour, to the sounds of The Pipes and Drums and the smell of Scotch eggs, Shortbread and of course monkey piss. The monkeys did ask me to thank the hares for the shortbread which they said was fantastic, though they did ask if the hares could bring a little more next year as a couple of the wee fellas didne get their share. So thank you very much to the hares.
ON ON Shaggy Dick To
The Circle by: Cheeks Out
Circle started promptly at 8pm by Cock Radio calling “gather around” and “Boo stand there!”
What did we think of the Run: The hares are called in and in spite of the heavens having washed away parts of the trail and some of the T’s, there was consensus about “a good run” – Pack were gathered for large sections of the run so “jolly good run”
Thank you to the Scots.
Tell us about your On On: ON ON at red lantern etc.
Next Week’s Run: Next week’s hares are called in: Big Head and Stiffy: something about a birthday run and the hares being 130 between them – how many hares are there? Or does Bully make up a large part of that 130?
Virgins: 4 virgins – fit looking young men so Jack Off was delighted to have them all in the circle: Tomas, Michael, Deleuze Father and Deleuze Son
Visitors: too many to mention but good to see you and welcome all!
New Members: None
Do we have a Hare Whip? Aye Aye
Hare whip was none other than Aye Aye, he entered the circle with a large manuscript – my heart sank and I thought (come back Half Cut I can’t do this) he promised to send me a copy but has not done so – so here is from my memory:
Called in all the hares all from different parts of Scotland and some from Scotland at different times of their lives, Malfunction spent 20 years in Shetland (why any-one would do that??) Then historically the border was once down to Derby so in comes a few northerners: Astronut and Poser?. Something about Paisley and any other name to do with Scots and so it went on finishing with Mr Bell,who invented the telephone so any-one using a phone and any-one wearing the Scottish colours of blue and white until “Lo and behold! Every-one was in the circle! Well, no, wait one person left outside?” “Stiffy ? where are you from? “England” – “ah well SEE the selection works!”
There was also a challenge to BC from Kan Not Kan so they were brought into the circle to compete over a fair size beer and BC clearly showed her superiority double the speed and still looked to enjoy it at her leisure! To Kan Not Kan went the call: “beaten by a woman” I worry he may enjoy that!
Mystery Whip: Stiffy
First charge Shut The F*#ck Up was apparently complaining about being tired whilst “bringing up the rear” she tried several excuses “tired from the marathon” – “that was like – how long ago?” “tired from my training for …” and when none of these excuses were really given much sympathy she threw the real reason in there “I am newly married you know” (DIY slow down – you don’t want to wear the little lady out).
Second charge is about the Japanese apparently being vertically challenged (on in G-String and Dog Mount – when the Japanese were last here in 1943 they left garrotes in the jungle for catching tall guys – so a charge to the vertically challenged.
G.I Hoe was seen cannonball forward cart wheeling out of the jungle nearly taking out Peeking Ong - fortunately a lousy shot so they both survived.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Wanton and ?? branding a pair of scissors:
Apparently the GM had forgotten who he had asked and ended up with two MMW’s for tonight so “cut his testicles!” Now easy does it Wanton – for doing a job double you want to cut a man’s testicles “Can Stash sing soprano yet or does he take care to not double up?”
MW (hmmm who was the other MW – sorry did not get that name – if you read this ….please introduce yourself to me next Friday – I am the cute blonde with a brainJ ) forgets who, but Penile Extention’s wife was reported to have told some-one “why he is called Penile Extention – I do not understand, with all this training for marathons and such it is more like Penile EXTINCTION these days!” So a charge to the combined Dick/Cock family with the song: “My One skin hangs down to my Two Skin …. So roll back/bring back? My four skin to me to me” did not get all the lyrics to that one?…
And from rolling back of four-skins we went straight on the beautiful young Topless – serving everybody beer, we want to grease her up so make her drink: (sorry this is the blonde being confused what do you want to do grease her up or make her drink??) so to the call “she’s got the best tits on the hash…” Topless played along – a few hashers were heard commenting about a good rear in that little Scots kilt as well.
Wonton brought Croc of Shit in the circle. Apparently at thanks giving, he left the turkey in the oven all night! Let us have all the Americans in the circle – from this came the united “we are grateful that we are not Scottish!”
There has been a survey that people, who drink alcohol have less heart-problems and live longer. Some people take this type of advice to extremes, and enjoy LIQUID LUNCHES: Bring in Stiff, Cumpuss, Twin Tower and Kan the Cobra.
Milestones:
Ayam Zinking gets a mug for 100 runs
Armless a flask for 400 runs
The Prick:
Is there a prick in the circle? In comes 11 (another newly married focused on the nightly marriage rituals) and apparently Jerk (Circle was omitted here I am sure) slept on the couch this week. Many men are no great conversationalists before bed and Jerk is no exception this particular night he came to bed and went straight to sleep, 11 went on reading for a while and then switched off the lights and said good night dear to be greeted back with a “Good night Anna” and as we all know 11’s name is NOT Anna so she was a little concerned but decided to give Jerk another chance good night darling and what is my name to get the reply “goodnight Bob!” hmmmm Jerk clearly deserves the couch and NOT the prick “f#$* off was more like it”
No Princess of the Sloth is called in as she has been hoping to exchange poor old Ah Wah for some younger dishier guys whilst her hubby (TBA) is away – so giving her the prick is probably a safer option.
A.O.B.
Shaggy Dick Too asks any-one who ran the last Wednesday hash to enter the circle and then asked all those who found their way back to this out of the way difficult to find place along DUNEARN ROAD/BUKIT TIMAH ROAD on their own two feet to leave the circle and the only one left was our GM Cock Radio … allegedly at 8pm Cock Radio had not returned from the run, some people were worried, quite a few celebrated but shortly after a taxi pulled up and the worried lot ran up for a group hug ready with $10 for the taxi, but we are not sure where our GM has been but the taxi driver wanted not 10 not 12 not 16 not he wanted $20 Where did you get to? A down down for the lost soul.
Ugly Bum: something about sex and different approaches to it – people take different positions on it ehem don’t want to put my foot in my mouth either…Back to the charge: Poser was heard bragging she can do anything with one hand (lucky Astronut!) and I believe Shaggy Dick Too and Stiffy confidentially (no such thing on the hash) told someone that they occasionally enjoy “playing with themselves” so a charges to all the self confessed tossers.
Ugly Bum: But the real tosserr she wanted in the circle was then called in: Ad Nauseum, had been travelling and had created a fair bit of washing and in spite of not normally using energy intensive drying methods Ugly Bum found she had to use the dryer for his load and she was commenting on how lovely it was when clothes came out of the dryer all nice and soft – things were returned to their original shape with no wrinkles or hard rough spots and corners and what did the bastard suggest “stop going on about it woman and put yourself through the dryer will you” ?? !!! ??? he said that? Ad Nauseum certainly had to drink to that one – he had a remarkable amount of male support from many other Pussy whipped gentlemen of the hash.
Enters Not Tonight making clear she was talking about the run tonight before she talked about having 3 male members behind her the first being Mr Potato Head calling out “coming right” “coming left” before he finally barges past Not Tonight only to get caught on a trip wire and splat on the path so Not Tonight could enjoy stepping right over him (not right not left – but straight through) with the casual remark of “I saw that!”
Then I have some notes about Educational expression and Kan not Kan and Shut the F#@ck up and sword-dancing safety …. Notes are getting unclear here – the scribe doesn’t work well towards 9 o clock! And something also about Ayam Kampung and an accident on her motor-bike but I was happy to see that Ayam’s guardian angle is still watching over her on her bike as she is clearly still here and well.
Finally Shoe Shopper brought a charge about confusion over a T-check or a Back check – hmmm yes what is the difference? Krit
GM Business:
Female whip of the year went to Shut The F#*ck Up – congratulations J so clearly it is good she does not always S-T-F-U!
Cherry Picker is going to do a draw for the unclaimed prizes, from the Dinner Dance – apparently there were some people, who did not win any prizes and it being Singapore that is not ON – everybody has a right to a prize? Not sure what that was all about but in is called: Poser, Wanky Poo, Comes Quietly, Dog Mount and?? Follow Cherry Picker out of the circle and you will get a prize too!
Circle closed shortly before 9.00pm
Stash – you had nothing to add?
I don’t think my note taking is up to this task so I am prepared to offer you a prize as compensation - the first person to complain can have the task of assisting me next week?
Cheeks Out
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Scribed by Cheeks Out
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