The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Eleven and Circle

The Christmas Run proved to be a day of Miracles. For Lo! An Afternoon Downpour of Biblical Proportions cleared as soon as the Christmas Run commenced. Christmas Run Pilgrims were thin on the ground as many (Slack Arse, Loose Change, Cockradio... Among others) failed to get off the sofa... or perhaps fell off the sofa and certainly could not get up. 

Under sombre clouds, and bloated stomachs, the festive pack readied for the Off when the pack was visited by Three Hares of Christmas Past... Stiffy ambled forward, warning, "Keep off the Highway!! Or you will get your arse run down." Next the pack was visited by Coochicoo, "Keep off virgins!! They are no good for the weak of heart!!", and lastly Boo stepped forward and confessed, "Don't follow Boo! Or you will never find paper!!" (Well no one should follow Boo! But someone always does).

With these profound Christmas words ringing in their ears, the Christmas Pack headed up the road only to be called back as we had trudged past the T-check... This became a common occurrence but luckily our Christmas Angel (aka grandmattress) shepherded her flock around the hash and back to the lowly stable (aka the beer van).

The Christmas Run proved to be an effective use of terrain.  If there was a hill, you could just about guarantee the blooming hares would use it. Again and again and again...

Christmas is all about Self Sacrifice and Giving... Ditch nobly offered to watch a possible exit from the highway as others braved the fast moving traffic on the highway bridge to see if the paper continued on the other side. Ditch's well guarded exit in fact proved to be the correct route. (Stiffy's prophetic words of warning had been erased by copious amounts of alcohol killing off memory cells.)

Another sacrificial victim (if not actually a virgin) was Purple Sausage. Inadvertently finding himself a FRB, led the Christmas Pack down a slope bordering a fence... Fortunately the Lion City's fabled medical insurance was not needed even though Purple Sausage managed to find every hole, thorny vine, jagged piece of barbed wire, used condom, and even a patrolling police car.

The Christmas Pack ran, groped (Coochicoo) and stumbled back to the beer van around 7pm, FRBs excepted. They may not have worked off the Roast Turkey and Eggnog, but it has got to have helped, right?!? Putting these guilty thoughts to one side, many Hashers felt it necessary to wash the Big Bird a bit further down the gullet with another pint of beer.

... As Hashers drew close to hear some festive tales, but who should we be visited by? But none other than an off duty Father Christmas... Who had given his reindeer the day off... decided to use the Harley instead... forgot to pick up the Red Suit from the dry cleaners, and also ran out of fuel on the way to delivering pressies to the boys and girls of the Friday Hash. (Croc o Shyte) Croc O’Shit

Hope Everyone had a wonderful Christmas and see you on New Years Day.

The Circle by: Croc O’Shit

Circle started at 19:45

What did we think of the Run: Hares were brought in and congratulated on a good run.  They’re true blue.

Tell us about your On On: Next door, the French Restaurant Picotin. They serve Pizza.

Next Week’s Run: Next week’s Recovery Run was announced.

Virgins: One virgin was welcomed into the circle. Marie got a started from Boo:  “GENTLEMEN!”

Visitors: Hans (Cherry Picker’s brother), Phoney Sex, and Purple Sausage visited Lion City. 

Returnees: Herr Linguist, Shirley Temple and Death Wish IV (Hooray was his look-a-like). 

New Members: None

Grand Mistress Jack Off informed the circle that it would be a one-woman show and that anyone unhappy about that should either help, or shut the fuck up.  We did neither.

Milestones: None

Do we have a Hare Whip?

·       Not Tonight called in Ayam Kampong who had started off in the wrong direction followed closely by Croc O’Shit who swore he never has Chicken at Christmas.  It was clear that Ayam Kampong had not been running when she arrived back 35 minutes after the pack with a couple of very full shopping bags.  Give the shopper/hasher a note!  She ought to be publicly....

·       Jack-Off charged Stiffy with poor recceing because he had lead them behind a condo fence with no hole through which to escape.  They eventually had to use their own holes.  Hmmm?  Sounds stinky.

·       Stiffy charged Slack Arse and Loose Change for arriving late to the run.  He had lunched with them at noon at which time they assured him they’d be there for the run.  A few drinks later, they had returned home for a “nap” (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge...)  Better to come late than never...  They did both!

Grand Mistress Jack-Off informed the circle that Absent Grand Master Cock Radio had lined up two hare whips.  She was then given a down-down for confusing “hare whip” with “mystery whip”.  Jack Off then continued with the statement that Cock Radio had bet his left and center testicle that there would be mystery whips.  Luckily for his center testicle, there were.

Mystery Whip: Double Back

·       Double Back called Boo The Mad Chinaman into the circle for his ongoing parking difficulties.  This time he went as far to ask the beer truck to move so that he would have even more space in the nearly empty car park to manoeuvre. 

·       For Double Back’s second charge, Boo was asked to stay an offer legal counsel.  Hash Cash should get the bill before the end of the week.  It seems that in Singapore, the phrase:  “You touch, you pay!” has become more frequent.  Phoney Sex must be made aware that after Herr Linguist’s alleged help getting up the hill, she is entitled to financial benefits.  We’ve seen this before with other Germans!  That’s how Pussy Lifter got his name!  One German drinks?!  All Germans drink!

Mystery Mystery Whip: Blood Shit

·       Blood Shit confessed that he was at times confused by the differences between American English and British English.  Not Tonight was overheard saying that after her Christmas lunch, she was “stuffed”.  Was she saying she wasn’t hungry anymore or that she had satisfied an equally important physical need?  With that in mind, Blood Shit brought in all of the hares who were adorned with reindeer antlers.  They were congratulated with being able to complete laying the trail instead of just sneaking off into the bush and laying each other given their extremely “horny” conditions. 

·       Of course, after the run Blood Shit observed that Jack Off was showering in the near distance when she yelled out:  “I’m cold!”  Blood Shit had to charge Stiffy for answering:  “Well, we can SEE that!”  Here’s to the perverted, he’s true blue!

Prick of the Week: Coo Chi Coo gave his prick to Slack Arse for being a Tiger Woods look-a-like.  What’s the resemblance?  Slack Arse and Tiger both love blonds with big tits!

AOB

·       Croc O’Shit was charged for running his own run.

·       Tiger Lily charged all of the male hashers for dropping their balls by the pricks near the driving range fence.

·       Ditch called in all of those not wearing hash gear:  Double Back, Hooray, Jack-Off, Hans, Eleven, Croc O’Shit and Coo Chi Coo.  Grand Mistress said that she had given everyone a pass for this circle.  NOT!

·       Coo Chi Coo brought Ditch right back in and charged him for wanting Eleven to wear something other than the exciting number already adorning her.

·       Boo The Mad Chinaman called in Cherry Picker with his brother Hans.   Cherry Picker was overheard replying to another hasher who had said his brother was handsome.  The reply went something like this:  “He got the looks but I got the brains.”  One German drinks, all Germans drink.

·       Croc O’Shit calls in SloCum for not having a spare shirt for him after the run.  Croc O’Shit was expecting a Chrismas gift but instead he had to wear Coo Chi Coo’s shirt!

·       Stiffy called in Croc O’Shit for making him worry about not getting back until very late.  He normally wouldn’t have worried, but Croc O’Shit had sent a Christmas card with family photos and Stiffy was picturing having to explain to a couple of kids on Christmas that their father had disappeared in the jungle!  (Or golf course).

·       Circle Jerk called in Hans, Cherry Picker and SloCum and warned about the dangers of hashing.  He made all three run across the circle.  As hashing experience increased, the ease and grace of running decreased.  Words of wisdom:  “Avoid hashing!”  Purple Sausage found out the the “Hash Shuffle” was not a pretty way to run, but it helped one avoid falling ass over tea kettle into a thorny ditch!

·       Coo Chi Coo gave a quick tip for the on-on.  Give them David Hobman’s name when charging your order!

·       Hooray called in Handbag and Phoney Sex.  Neither one had shower water so Hooray graciously shared his thinking there was plenty.  Little did he know they believed to have won a gift certificate to the Hooray Hash Spa!  Here’s to the water wasters, they’re true blue!

·       Shirley Temple then entered the circle to charge his friend Hooray, but ended up drinking himself.  What was the charge?  Was it being Hooray’s friend?  At this point we were trying really hard to finish the beer.  The details are a bit fuzzy!

·       Someone charged Cock Radio who was absent...  OH NOW I REMEMBER!  Shirley Temple was Cock Radio’s look-a-like!  He made a call looking for hares or whips or something and asked if they’d be there for New Year’s Eve.  Didn’t he mean Christmas Eve?  In any case...  ALL AUSTRALIANS ARE BORN ILLEGITIMATE...!

·       Stiffy charged Twin Towers for being so young.  Last Wednesday at Handbag’s place she was amazed that when playing songs off of vinyl record albums, on had to manually place the needle in the right place.  “I had no idea how difficult it was back then!”

·       Lastly Circle Jerk had a bit of trouble finding Eleven before the run.  They were on the phone and she was telling him where she was.  He couldn’t see her so he told her to stand on the corner and wave.  He would honk when he saw her.  She got confused when everyone driving by was honking at her.  You know the expression:  “Honk if you’re horny!”

Circle closed at 20.30

On On On On!  

Scribed by: Croc O’Shit

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