Run No: 924

Where: Opposite Sungei Kadut Road, off Woodlands Road

Hares: Barbarian and Bushy

Members: 43

Guests: 16

Virgins: 2 second-hand ones

Visitors: 1

This is going to be a really short report as I've got to meet my long cool Dane (well, Norwegian, actually) in a bit (no, I did not say for a bit…) I know you told me to behave myself as I had flu, Iron Crotch, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks (no sniggering in the cheap seats, please).

What a great Hash run - all jungle scrambles, slippery slopes, rope climbs and river splashes. Some excellent recceing by the hares made for a delightful romp through the ulu, and thoughtful checks ensured the pack stayed pretty much in touch. So some ungrateful bastards complained about the lack of length at the circle - hey guys, ever heard about quality rather than quantity? GM Ring Pull asked for comments and the consensus was a well deserved Good Run.

Next week's hare, Lynxx, fronted up to announce her Dempsey Road endurance test. And judging by the number of Hash signs she was given no one's going to lose their way there. Oh yes - the on-on is at Bogarts with compulsory karaoke. Be there or be square.

The Grand Mistress read out a message forum Captain Flakey saying that he would never forget a particular Hash run site (I wonder why?) and poor old Armadildo and Falsies were forced to do yet another round of apologetic down-downs for Flakey's nearly shuffling off this mortal coil.

Whipping through the order of business like a thing possessed (no Astronut this week so the power was coursing through her veins) Ring Pull called in our three Septic visitors/guests (cockney rhyming slang: Septic Tanks - Yanks), two of whom were retread virgins from the Harriets whereas one was a fully-fledged visiting hasher revelling in the moniker of Blow Anything. Hmm. Wonder what he did to deserve that?

Hare Whip Barbarian stole everyone's large slow-moving potential whippee (I know DW4 wanted him as well) and called in Blood Shit for one of the most public pieces of red-face-making idiocy many of us have seen in a long time. Oh yes, if you're going to get impatient at a slow moving hash bottle neck and decide to do a macho leap into the ditch to go thrusting boldly past the hold up it's best to be fairly sure of your landing area: ending up knee-deep in orange mud with a comical look on your face is just so uncool. I though Barbarian's reference to hippos was a tad unkind. (Tee-hee!)

Mystery Whip Death Wish 4 had lost out on Blood Shit, but brought out his secret weapon - a Sybil-cum-vibrator story. Bit saucy, what? It seems that Sybil has been complaining of feeling tired since she has had custody of the Prick of the Week. Coo Chi 2 was summoned for putting his finger somewhere strange (!) in the unseemly scramble up the rope slope and various Chinamen - Kiasu Lun, Strapless and -er- Mad Dog - were punished for durian eating habits. Why Death Wish called in Armadildo and Free Willy for frightening him in their sarongs is something I don't wish to speculate about…

A new member - Quicksand - was welcomed - and from then on was seldom out of the circle.

Dirty Hacker had apparently arrived late and thus was unsure to whom to award the Pussy but with the current obsession with arses (or asses, as he quaintly pronounces it - will these Yanks never learn English?) brought in Faker and Strapless for some arse related misdemeanours.

Sybil finally got the chance to flaunt the Prick of the Week, which she apparently wanted to hang on to but thoughtfully was prepared to pass if on to an apparently frustrated Quicksand. Faker and Strapless had to suffer again for whatever it was they were up to. Death Wish 4 was also thinking it was a night for love, and Ring Pull passed on the useful piece of information that Free Willy has a pink dick. As you can tell, dear reader, there was a certain lack of coherence at this point, as evinced by the fact that the circle seemed to now be addressed in fluent Punjabi which I tried to take down faithfully but got lost. And, in the end, Aftershock got the Prick. Go figure.

AOB. Stash had found an article in the San Francisco Chronicle that purported to be by a visitor to Lion City Hash. Now, I don't know which magic mushrooms he had been eating but it sure wasn't any Lion City I know. 4 inch by 4 inch pieces of paper? A bonfire in the circle? A hatchback car full of beer?

Religious advisor? And - God forbid - ice? No, no, and thrice no. So Black Widow got the down down, God knows why. I didn't write the damn thing!

Ring Pull called out Shit Stream for vanity in that a) he had his name mentioned in a mountain biking magazine and b) in the same article he referred to the Bike Hash as a race.

Gypsy suggested that some long-time-coming ladies should really have learned the Hash song by now. I think he was making some sort of point.

Aftershock got into trouble again from Falsies for causing last week's earthquake.

Then it was on to the on-on at the clan association restaurant. Great food as usual, and various entertainments. Barbarian was right - we always do have excellent on-ons there. Quite a few of us ended up at Anywhere too. Almost like old times, in fact. Sigh.

On on

Black Widow

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