Date: 23 Sept 2000
Where: Behind the Island Club
Hares: Dirty Hacker, BC and Armless - present
Amy, Barbarian and Blood Shit - absent
Members: 55
Guests: 39
Virgins: Zillions - the Navy was in town
Visitors: Zillions of them too
Returnees: 3
Don't expect much verisimilitude from me this week - I wrote my notes in the rain and despite Barf Wader's valiant and much appreciated efforts with an umbrella all I've got to go on are three pages of blue smears.
It was a run full of incident and injuries - something to do with running in the jungle in the dark with lots of up-and at-em Marines who kept going the wrong way e.g. down rather than up. Lots of minor abrasions and one poor sap who ended up being piggy-backed out of the jungle and then carried off to hospital with a nasty ankle injury. Then the rain started just as the circle did. Unabashed, the damp GMs called it a good run and the hares did their stuff. Dirty Hacker announced the on on at Balestier Hill Shopping Centre, and Ring Pull exhorted all those with cars to give the sailors who were still with us lifts to the on-on. Sybil announced that she was prepared to take on six - indefatigable, that woman! Coo Chi Coo intoned that next week's run would be in another country.
Virginal types Danny, Anthony, Dan and Rebecca were welcomed, and Ring Pull made the tactical error of asking in any sailor virgins, so about half the Marine Corps swamped the circle. Poor old Free Willy's hands were a blur as he attempted to pour our twenty down-downs, ably assisted by Murkily. As for the visitors - well they were the other half of the Marine Corps and - no - I'm not going to give you their names. Just imagine a long list that goes something like Chuck, Randy, Brett etc.
Returnees turned out to be Peeking Ong, Airborne and Bouncer.
Sad farewells were said to TWA and Rusty Tats. The sailors were rather embarrassed by our farewell song - don't they have naughty words in the US Navy?
Now with the rain bucketing down it was time for the Hare Whip. Our resident Kraut funster, (Sounds like an oxymoron - Ed.) Armless, entered into an incompressible anecdote about marines waving their swords about on US television and somehow linked this with the hospitalised marine and how he had just crippled himself to get out of paying guest fees. It probably sounds a lot funnier in German.
Then the rain started to seep into people's brains or something as everyone came over all unnecessary in the circle and tried to shag everyone else. Sybil got dragged in for her humdala humdala turn of phrase and was promptly set upon by a rampant Free Willy. (Living up to his name, obviously - Ed.) Astronut called in Running Shit for not using his daughter's toy trike as a rescue vehicle, and Ring Pull, determined to show hubby that she could put herself about too, jumped on him. She obviously enjoyed this so much that when Big Hammer came in to get his 150 ruins T-shirt award, she heroically attempted to improve the occasion by giving him a blow-job. All getting out of control at this point. I morosely watched my words of wisdom blurring their way across the page…
Moving swiftly along, it was time for the Mystery Whip - a brave G-String, who had her work cut out with the unruly Yankee mob. She said she was glad she came tonight as she had all these fit young bodies to lust after on the run. Then someone told her that old men were actually better as they may be softer but they last longer. Thank you for that well researched insight, Aftershock.. Her second charge was more serious. Apparently hash canoodling is now very much in fashion - Titmouse and Bo Peep were guilty of the disgusting perversion this week but in their absence the obvious look-alikes were the resident Velcro Kids Slocum and Jack Off. G-String was also affected by the inclement weather as she had a water-related charge: that somehow Indecent Exposure, No Good and Quickie had managed to include a swim in the run. The claimed they were misled by Boo, but since he had gone home, the ubiquitous Coo Chi Coo took the punishment.
Mystery Mystery Whip was Cornea Linguist who got Murkier for sticking a spike into someone's tit or something. Sorry - I really can't read this bit. But I remember the next charge, because it was when I saw steam coming out of Free Willy's ears as CL had the bright idea to call all the shirtless Americans (about a dozen) into the circle. Bit dim, this - it had been a long circle, Free Willy had been thoroughly overstretched and we were out of beer.
MMMW was all I needed at this stage - cold, wet, dripping and wineless since the cask had run out after about half an hour. (So all those Marines are secretly nancy-boy wine drinkers, eh? - Ed.) Chastity Belt got Poser for asking him to stop poking her. I won't enquire. Then he wittered on about the run being like running with the bulls at Pamplona with marines throwing themselves everywhere. For some reason the whippees were Murkury and a bemused Aye Aye, who was accused of being a front runner.
Prick of the Week was presented by Gypsy. He nearly gave it to Corny Linguist for being daft enough to call in half the circle when there were three beers left, but instead stuck with his original thought and presented it to Shot Stream who went to the old run site at Dairy Farm Road. No he didn't get it for being out of date - but for listening to his wife.
I couldn't hear anything at this stage as the circle was collapsing in disarray, but I do know that Ring Pull demolished a navy representative in the boat race at the end of the circle. These Yanks are such a hoot. His name is G5 and he sat on my table at the on-on desperately pleading for a rematch and declaring that Ring Pull had cheated anyway. Good losers they ain't!
The on-on was a well attended affair at the restaurant run by the old Lakeview people. The toothless old man that clears the tables made a valiant effort to chat me up, and the Gland Master gleefully declared that my luck was changing at last. Thanks, Astronut.
On On
Black Widow
On-Back