Run No. 950                                                               Date: Friday 8 December 2000

Where: Bukit Batok West Ave. 8 Driving School Truck Park

Hares: Iron Crotch, Pandora’s Box, Careless

Members: lots            Guests: 22            Virgins: 1            Visitors: 7            Returnees: 3

Ring Pull pulled solo duty again tonight and asked for the opinion of the pack.  The circle replied with the unanimity of the Florida electorate.  Ring Pull acted like the Chief Justice and declared it a good run.

Ring Pull quickly went through the virgin, Martin as well as the visitors: Licks the Crack (Guam), Ros, Impostor (ex-Seletar), Ditch, Depositor, Zainal the Anal and Vanessa.  She got further excited checked out the old boys from the early days of the club.  In for a visit wearing LCH3’s first run t-shirt was Robbo (Peter Robinson) in from Thailand.  Also drinking with him was old reliable Flutter as well as Non-stop (Clemens Bach).

Hare Whip: Careless

Careless pointed out that the hashers who crave attention are getting more daring in trying to get noticed.  One such lady went so far as to perform a one and a half front somersault with a half twist (degree of difficulty 1.6) into a tiny stream.  Quicksand got the down down as the newest dive team member.  She was lucky it was just a stream and not quick sand.  Barbarian got called in next.  It seems that his running shorts were locked in a friend’s car as the pack started out on the trail.  He ran from person to person begging for shorts to cover his arse.  Who came to his rescue?  Well, Dirty Hacker -- in a way.  He reminded Mother Mary that she had an extra pair of shorts in the car.  Mother Mary then dropped her drawers and handed to Barbarian who happily put them on and ran off leaving MM standing there in her pink teddy bear nickers.

Mystery Whip: Flakey

Not taking any chances on runs in the Bukit Batok area, Flakey came dressed in a rubber life preserver, fins, goggles and swim cap.  Although he managed to stay out of the drains this time, he brought in several celebrities from his last trip down the Swannee River.  Stiff and Frontarse were called in for fishing without bait - they failed to catch the Flakey salmon before he headed back downstream after spawning.  Corny Linguist was given his down down for lassoing Flakey from the stream at the end of his cruise and Squire got his for thinking the whole thing was something of a D&D skit. 

Octopussy was called in next for making the most astute observation in the history of hashing.  When hornets were spotted on the trail, she shrieked “we better get out of here - hornets are faster than people”.  In fact, drunk hornets in a wheel chair are still faster than people but Flakey pointed out that there was nothing to worry about anyway.  The hornets turned out to be dragon flies at a costume party.

The sailors were called in next.  Depositor, Ripper and Big Hammer were called in to hear Flakey’s great news.  A semen’s worst nightmare at sea is to run out of fresh water.  Flakey has discovered the secret of making powdered water.  Unfortunately, he does not yet know what to mix it with.

Mystery Mystery Whip: a true mystery

Steptoe was called in for a down down as a look-a-like for Astronut.  The big A appointed the MMW then failed to tell Ring Pull who it was.  Steptoe stepped up to bat though and called in Murkury for one of those great “you had to be there” stories.  You really did have to be there to get it because I can’t remember what it was.  If you were there, maybe my notes will help you better than they did me.  I wrote: “Murkury climbing mountains on the hash.  Dinosaurs couldn’t do and neither could he - old dinosaur.”  Good luck.

Pussy of the Week: Indecent Exposure

IE decided that she couldn’t live the POW so she stayed home.

Prick of the week: Foo Foo

Foo x 2 observed that the Prick of the week has been in such a state of disrepair that Viagra could not even give it a decent erection.  He decided to take his tool to the tool and repair it.  Foo 2 shot it full of his magic foam and viola!  Stiff as Stiff himself.  Of course 2 x Foo also shot his wad in the middle of the circle.  After Gypsy’s helpful little cleaning duties, Foo Two is still trying to get it off his pants and shoes.  Gypsy, on the other hand, is still trying to get his sandal off his foot without losing the skin.   None-the-less, the Prick of the week was awarded to Strapless.  It seems as though recent British studies indicate that having sex at least six or seven times a week reduces the chance of heart attacks.  This is bad news for Singaporeans who do the duty only two or three times a week at best.  Foo Too gave the prick to Strapless as a nice present for his wife.

AOB

Sybil called in Careless for not knowing his measurements.  Little hornets are one inch (I winced), big hornets are two inches (I sat down), Dragonflies are slightly bigger (I fell asleep), cocks are generally no more than eight inches, etc., etc., etc.

Bloodshit gave special mention to the master of deception, Lacey Lady.  She showed up at the D&D and basically sent male jaws dropping – va va va voom!  We are not sure where she was hiding the double sized assets previously but she is back to hiding them again whenever she runs on Friday night.

Banjo recalled that last week Corny Linguist was the hare.  CL had revealed a great shortcut for Banjo and Lacey Lady but he also made everyone groan by mentioning that in looking for trails through the Bukit Brown cemetery, he left no stone unturned.

In the first relay AOB ever on LCH3, Vietnam Rose, Sybil, Rose again, Loose Change, Sybil again and After Shock gave After Shock a down down for too many thorns, I mean too many pricks, I mean what color pricks, I mean it doesn’t matter as long as they are pricks, I mean a prick is a prick.  Get it?                          on on,  Zippsy

p.s. – I’ve had no time to proof read this so I’ll give a prize to the first person to find 20 errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation or content.

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