Date: Friday 27 April

Where: Lorong Sesuai

Hares: The Velcros and Scotty Boy

Members: 40

Guests: 13

Virgins:

Visitors: ?

Well, here’s a first. I actually lost the notes for tonight’s run at the Europa on Saturday where I lost my clipboard, among other things. (Self respect? Marbles? Memory? – Ed.) Oh, don’t you start. So I phoned around a few people looking for inspiration, memories – hell – anything about the circle but all seemed as befogged as moi, with Cornet Linguist getting his days mixed up and Ripper coming over all of a blur until he regained partial memory after a sleepless night. So this is going to be a pretty brief one, which is all to the good as I’ve got Saturday’s to do as well.

The one thing people didn’t forget about was the ruin itself – no matter how hard they tried. You know something is going terribly awry when you find yourself commencing the ascent of Bukit Timah at six forty and are still heading out at seven as darkness falls with a sickening thud. Walkie Talkie and I were the first two people (Don’t you mean suckers? – Ed.) who made it back to the run site who had actually been idiotic enough to get to the summit, but at least we had enough sense to head straight back at that point. The poor benighted crew who did the whole run, ending up somewhere in Thailand, I think, drivelled back in various stages of exhaustion, with Ductless trailing in after eight. Virgin Hare Scotty from the States was digitally recording it all and seemed to have a little trouble comprehending why people wanted to lynch him on the spot. Astronut finally got his breath back by around eight thirty, and asked for comments on the run, which ranged from vitriolic to unprintable, and it was a pretty universal cry of hash shit that was brought in, not just for the length of the run but for some confusing and impenetrable checks - and the fact that people were still running round the ankle-breaking jungle in the dark. Slocum protested, but to no avail, and the hash shit was duly awarded to the three hares.  I believe they’re setting a Wednesday run soon. I’m leaving the country.

Next week’s run is Wickless’s Birthday Bash at Pasir Ris Drive 1 Heavy Goods Car Park. You should all have received a flyer about it from the birthday boy.

Virgins and Visitors were announced by Blur Bitch. One noticeable Virgin was Scotty the Hare, who was beginning to look a bit green about the gills, but his baptism by alcohol was only just beginning.

The inseparable Velcros oozed in the circle to do their Hare Whip bit together, and as has become the rule, it seems, decided to whip their co-hare. Actually, this Hare Whip thing is all becoming a bit incestuous – all they ever seem to do is whip each other. Anyway, Scotty lay on the floor to do his down-down – and might just as well have stayed there, because the Mystery Whip was Big Hammer, who called in….

….Scotty, because of using his high tech camera to record things. I can’t remember if he had any other charges so you’ll have to fill in the blanks for yourselves.

The Mystery Mystery Whip was Shit Fit, and here I don’t think my notes would have been any help at all anyway, as his charge was pretty impenetrable. Must be something to do with the Scandihooligan sense of humour. (An oxymoron, surely? – Ed.) He rambled on about various plagues that had affected Singapore, such as long hair, hippies etc. (Eh? – Ed.) Don’t ask me. Then he called out five Singaporeans and a lookalike Dutchman – Phoney Dick. (You’re making this up! – Ed.) His point was something about the new plague infecting Singapore – that of the Millionaire game show. He asked the Singaporeans some silly questions. They all did down-downs. I don’t know – maybe it would have had them rolling in the aisles in Stockholm…

At least I know who got Prick of the Week, ‘cos I did, presented by an envious Beta Birch for my having more success than her at Anywhere. Of course, I have no idea what she was talking about…. (Yeah, right! – Ed.)

And for some reason, Beta got the Pussy from Diskless but even Ripper can’t remember why.

And thus the last circle of the old committee ended, with Astronut finally having to relinquish the mantle of command and return to obscurity. And off we all tottered to the Red Lantern for the usual excellent food and a fair bit of exhausted singing, with the resilient Dickless in fine form. But the weekend had only just started, so read on. I’ve got notes for the next one…

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