Run No. 988
Date: 25 August 2001
Where: Lorong Sesuai
Occasion: -
Hares: Ditch
Members: 41
Guests: 12
-
Returnees : 1
- Visitors : 2
- Virgins : 0
A
bit different, this – no Bukit Timah hill for a start – and lots of scrambly
jungle work with a couple of daunting gorges (Don’t be melodramatic – Ed.) -
well, they looked pretty daunting to me. Ditch did excellent sweeping duties at
the back while Bully got steadily sloshed back at the run site at the top of
that bugger of a hill.
Frontarse
was in solitary splendour this week and got things going in the circle. The ice
was present and he was just itching to invoke it. The hares were called in and
all agreed that it was a good
run
for a virgin hare – and we don’t mean you, Bully.
Next
week’s hares are Big Hammer, Max, Kiasu Lun. Make your way to Chestnut Avenue.
They promise great giveaways and a brilliant on on.
There
were no virgins and only a couple of visitors – Dave the Pom and Toad Piss –
really a returnee, who didn’t even have a hash name when he ran with us in the
80s, so you might remember him as Rob Faraone. He explained that he got his name
in the Philippines when he picked up a frog – (You’ve picked up a few of
those in your time haven’t you? - Ed.) Yeah, and they never turned into a
prince either. Anyway, this frog repaid his friendly gesture by pissing in his
face.
Machine
was welcomed back, although he hasn’t actually gone, if you see what I mean.
Indecent
Exposure had actually stayed around this week to be presented with her 300 runs
tankard.
Then
it was straight on to the Mystery Whip. Kiasu Lun focused on Coo Chi Coo for
calling him a fat arse. KL protested that he’s just well built. And he got
Machine as well but I didn’t hear what the charge was and neither did any of
my spies. Answers on a postcard please… And that was it.
Still
no ice. But its moment of glory was fast approaching…
The
Mystery Mystery was Big Hammer. He called in a bemused Bully and started a long
involved story, which had him looking even more baffled as it went on. Bully had
been spotted buying treats for his dog in Cold Storage on Tuesday. The checkout
girl asked if he was over sixty, which he proudly admitted. The cashier said he
would have to prove that he actually had a dog as its illegal for old people to
eat dog food. (Aha! A joke – Ed.) Right. Quick change of tense. So he goes off
home, comes back with his dog, and is allowed to buy the doggy treats. The next
day he tries to buy cat food and is told the same thing, so he has to go and
fetch his pussy. Then on Thursday he brings in a box with a hole in it. Tells
the cashier to put her hand in it, which she does, only to recoil in horror. “Yeuchh!”
she cries. “It smells like shit!” “True.” replies Bully. “So now can I
buy some toilet paper to set the run with?” Well, it seemed pretty funny at
the time.
His
second charge was against Strapless who had been seen trying to extort water
from Ditch’s daughter at the water stop. Stash – lookalike Skidmark!!!- was
whipped for the same charge.
The
Prick
was presented by Halfpenny, who wanted an opportunity to take the piss out of
all races and nationalities, so she called in Big Hammer, Machine, Stiffy,
Impossible, Coo Chi Coo, Squire, Corny Linguist and poor Dave the Pom an a
substitute Kiwi, so he, of course was put on the ice to keep it warm. She said
that it’s funny what you do when you’ve got nothing to do at the office.
“Good thing you’ve got that, then” suggested CCC, indicating the giant
dildo she was cradling fondly. Well, apart from that, she went on the Internet
and found a survey about why various nationalities are proud of themselves. The
English have warm beer, Union Jack underpants, and have learned to be gracious
in defeat. And it beats being Welsh. If you’re an Ozzie, you are proud because
your granddad was a murdering bastard, you annihilate the English at cricket,
are freethinking about homosexuality, and are known for your tact and
sensitivity. (Do I detect a shade of irony here? – Ed.) The US had a woman
president without even electing her and you can buy a gun even if you’ve had a
frontal lobotomy. If you’re Irish, you drink Guinness, father 15 children, and
no one can remember the night before. If you’re German – no reasons. In
Singapore, you can be proud of chilli crab, laksa, murtabak etc etc. And if
you’re Scottish, who gives a fuck. So the Prick went to the Scottish
representative – Corny Linguist. And she never even mentioned the Kiwis, so
Dave the Pom froze his bollocks off for no reason.
Frontarse
brought in the Hash Challenge*
guys.
Firstly though, he got Big Hammer to sit on the ice as he, Slocum and Shoeless
had abandoned Jack Off and left her to complete it on her own. Other challenge
entrants were Strapless, Fanny and Corny Linguist, and the No Frills team of
Sherpa, Skidmark, Quicksand and the GM himself.
All
very sedate so far but Frontarse decided to call in the Ice Liberation Freedom
Front for summary execution after last week’s attempted coup. Singapore, he
declared, is not a democracy, and he’s going do deal very harshly with any
insurrection in the ranks. Gypsy was about to ask for his cigarette and
blindfold but on the way unfortunately tripped over the ice stand, which
promptly toppled over. Well, after a few nudges anyway. And obviously both
guilty ones had had a little too much of the amber nectar as, would you credit
it, Astronut somehow got his foot caught in the other ice stand and over it went
too. What a coincidence. And they both chased the ice blocks valiantly round the
circle for a while, but they kept dropping the pesky slippery things until they
broke up into small chunks. One of the finest ice double acts since Torvill and
Dean, if you ask me. So they sat on the empty stands looking smug. Gypsy managed
to rescue a small token piece. Zipp offered to stand by, or sit on, her man but
was hustled out of the circle. After the guilty pair had taken their punishment
Frontarse noted that Gypsy was still trying to steal the ice but in even more
devious fashion. Peering into the Gypsy’s stand, he noted that there were two
pieces there when he sat down…..
.
AOB
Zipp saunters back in to announce the Kampong hash charity run on 15th
September.
Stuffy
had been carrying round the No 1 registration tee shirt for what seemed like
centuries and finally spotted the recipient at the run site staring off into the
jungle. Down Under came forward to claim her prize but refused to off-off.
And
Chastity Belt thought it was a nasty job but someone’s got to do it so he
whipped CCC and Shitstream for doing a bike training session rather than the run
And
thence to the on on at the Red Lantern which to some of us is becoming more
familiar than out own living rooms. The food was excellent as usual and seemed
to go on forever. So thanks, hares for a great evening and a really nice tee
shirt.
On
on
Black
Widow
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