Run No. 999

Date:                      9 November 2001

Where:                 Upper Seletar Reservoir

Occasion:                  Run # 999/  Frontarse’s B-Day

Hares:                    Frontarse & Quicksand

Members:              61

Guests:                        36

- Returnees :                  2

- Visitors :                     7

- Virgins :                     3

Round and round in circles through the jungle, it seemed to be, but with Boo rounding up the stragglers at the back we were all quietly confident of arriving back at least before 2002. A nice boggy run in along the pipeline and there we were, with some colourful shorts as giveaways, courtesy of the hares.

Indianus and Frontarse had a quick discussion of procedure, as Quicksand wasn’t ready for the hare down downs. She made a brief appearance for Frontarse’s birthday salute and then disappeared. So we had the On On announced at the Casuarina first and Boo was the first ice victim for being noisy as usual.

Next week’s run was announced by Aftershock and Squire – it the annual Deepavali bash and it’s coincidentally in the same place – Upper Seletar Reservoir – although After Shock promises it’ll be less muddy. And please dress Indian for the circle – special prizes to be awarded.

Finally the hares got their act together and both appeared in the circle at the same time. Good Run was declared – with the usual cries of “ Too short!” “Not enough shiggy!” etc.

Frontarse called in the virgins – Pam, Robyn and Sumer.

Then there were tons of visitors. Wet Pet and Octopussy from the Harriets, Father Abraham and Wan King from Petaling, Sleeping Beauty from Malacca, Christy from, KL and Foreskin – no, not that one – from Kerten.

Old friends returned – Flashman, Little Hammer, Go Round and Come Round. Flashman dropped his beer so was put on the ice where he lived up to his name and flashed immoderately.

And Frontarse called in a man with great taste – he moved to a strange new city and immediately joined the hash. Kamikaze was welcomed.

Indy was prowling for ice victims in feral fashion and managed to catch Wan King doing something illegal (Wanking? - Ed) so he had to plant his posterior on the cold stuff which shut him up for a bit.

Then it was time for the Mystery Whip. Fanny Flasher waltzed in the large unruly circle and proceeded to bemuse the befuddled crowd by wittering on about various disgusting bodily functions – namely emission, excretion, elimination and ingestion. She always manages to get some arcane theme for her charges. She started off with elimination. Those of us who had tried to phone the hotline for run information found out that the service had disappeared up its own orifice and eliminated itself. Dirty Hacker – who provides this service- was hauled in, protesting mightily.

Her second charge was to someone who showed scant regard for the way emissions contribute to global warming. I thought there was going to be a fart connection here, but no – it was poor old Stash who had sneezed. (Sneezing and global warming? I don’t think so. – Ed)

The ingestion and excretion representative was your innocent scribe. I had actually inhaled a fly – it felt more like a bloody B52, I can tell you – and spent about 10 minutes hacking ferociously to eliminate it before it nested in my lungs.  Hardly excretion but lets not quibble.

Mystery Mystery Whip was Lost and Found. He wanted Indy for a variety of charges. Firstly, she told him he was a whip ten minutes before the end of the run. Then she tried to charge him twice for the 1000th run. And finally she needs a geography lesson. Waving a street directory at her in admonishment, he ripped out a page and asked her to read it. Poor Indy stared at it myopically, being blind a s a bat without her glasses. Where, L and F wanted to know, was map reference C6? There’s no bloody thing, he shrieked. Obviously Indy’s plan of getting him lost and not found was unsuccessful.

He proceeded to drag in 4 Malaysian representatives – Wan King, Father Abraham, Prosperous Chicken and Kamikaze. These, he informed us, were the finest specimens of KL hashing – at least, they usually came in last on the hash challenge. They all got down downs but were both to be let off that easily. Now they had to take part in a drinking competition with Lion City Ladies – Ugly Bum, Delegator, Bushy and Ayam Kampong. Given that the lads had just had a skinful, guess who won. Particularly with the formidable Delegator as the Lion City representative.

Frontarse called Lost and Found back in to note that it was just as well Indianus hadn’t given him half and hour to prepare – we would have been here till next week.

Indianus hauled in Astronut for constant chatter. He’s always well prepared and wears two pairs of pants. Father Abraham, who was also called in, was less of a shrinking violet and gave the beer table an eyeful.

Stuffy came in to invite everyone to his party tomorrow. Apparently 350 people have registered. And he gave loads of instructions – park here, go there, take this bus, etc. He also suggested that you got your registration back if you drank all the beer, which nearly caused hash brew Bagless to have a heat attack.

Things were quickly degenerating under the weight of a ton of alcohol. Indy tried to put foreskin on the Ice but he grabbed her and sat her on his lap, straddle style. Indianus suggested that we could all go home now. She could handle things from here.

Corny Linguist waltzed in with a 24 pack of toilet rolls. This is what Mother Mary had given him for the short run. How the hell long was the medium run supposed to be then, he wanted to know.

And Frontarse had one last bit of AOB to Bushy, for forgetting her shoes.

Then it was off to the Casuarina on on which was pretty raucous and hysterical. People were definitely getting into the celebration mood. Lots of rowdy singing, and, of course, since we had Father Abraham with us, a rendition of that little ditty that got so out of control that a befuddled Wan King fell off his chair and gave himself a black eye. (So all pretty normal stuff then – Ed) Yup.

On On!

Black Widow

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