Cock Radio, On the couch with Malfunction

Hi, How are you?  

Fab!

You need some washing detergent?

No, easy to see you weren’t bought up in the 60’s

Ohh, you mean  fabulous, I dig you man, far out and groovy babe! Yeah, that’s it!

Where was your first run?

Ohh, that's difficult. It was in Perth, Australia in 2000, I was there with Jim Jackson- Dog Shit- and BC and they told me about this group where you can run with a beer in your hand, I thought that sounded pretty good. I turned up with a can of beer ready to run, no one else had one, and they looked at me a bit funny. My first run in Singapore was with Kampong, in 2000.
 
Where did your name come from?

I think it just came from Mal and catering at functions, I can't actually remember, I was too pissed! It's a good pick up line for the girls though, they get curious as to which part of me is not functioning properly!

I worked in the mines in the Kimberly’s, way up the top of Western Australia. I was the Chef Manager; my job was to keep the mining boys happy. If they had a smile on their face in the morning then the food was good. I didn’t drink much there, it was a 3 can limit per day.

 That reminds me of the Aussie soldiers during the war, 2 cans per man per day per haps! I worked in the Kimberly’s myself, it was on an Aboriginal Mission and it was dry, no alcohol allowed at all. I didn’t stay too long obviously!

What about your most memorable run.

 It was my first run with Lion City, I couldn’t believe the amount of water that came out of my singlet top at the end of the run!

 Was it raining? 

 Ha-ha, no, it was sweat, I use to run quicker in those days, I was fit! Now I know why the Brits had to surrender to the Japanese early in the war, Wearing those heavy khaki shirts and pants, they just got weighed down with sweat and would have been sitting around drinking 100 plus all day.

Yes, but they looked very smart in their uniforms! What about your funniest Hash moment?

That would have been on Pulua Ubin with Nurse Fucker. I was half way across a rope that was strung over this piece of water that was foul enough to give you the Bubonic Plague. Nurse Fucker started wobbling the rope and it came apart. Somehow I was able to run across the end of it before it sank into the cess pool. Then of course we got charged at the Circle later on and we were asked to demonstrate. So I got up on a chair, Nurse fucker wobbled it but got a bit carried away, causing the chair to tip with me balancing on top with 1 leg. I managed to hit the floor with a commando roll but proceeded to skittle 6 Hashers standing around the Circle!

 Well done, have you ever thought about taking up 10 pin bowling??

What about your favourite OnOn site. That has to be the Red Lantern, we have songs, the crowd is responsive, the staff put up with us. I remember one time there was a Scandinavian group of people there, they loved it. Then one guy sang a Scandinavian song, it was superb.

 If you weren’t running the Hash, you would be …….. now working, in the past playing Rugby!

 On the Hash, you should always ……….. carry bandages! I was on a run and slashed my leg open coming down a hill. I knew it was pretty bad because there blood gushing out. When I got back, Astronut poured some beer over it and said ‘It looks bad Mal’ I didn’t have insurance, so I didn’t want to pay money to have it stitched so I drank beer all night. I went home, sat down, and then saw a foot print in blood all the way from the front door to my chair. I think I had another beer!

Another funny moment was when Sneaky Comer fell over and ripped his le open. He actually went white in the face and went into a bit of shock. Phony Dick, or was it Bully, ripped up something for a bandage, walked him out of the jungle with a couple of girls, flagged a taxi and asked to get to a Hospital. However, there was then a 10 minute discussion/argument between the girls, the taxi driver and Phony Dick/ Bully as to which hospital they should go to. Finally a voice comes from the back seat ‘For f…cks sake, just get me to a hospital before I bleed to death’

 Does the word masochist mean anything to you? You seem to get a lot of enjoyment from people suffering personal injuries. I’m glad you weren’t around when I fractured my knee, you may have died from laughter. Who do you admire on the Hash?

Anyone who makes the effort and gets out there and has a go. It can be very arduous, there is a variety of terrain and hazards and you have to keep your wits about you. I end up at the back of the pack with some of the women which is good because I pick up snippets of gossip.

 What do you like best about the hash?

The Camaraderie and the challenge.

 Yes, for you the challenge is just getting to the Hash at the moment, we haven’t seen too much of you running lately! How would you improve the Hash?

Get the front runners to break the checks. So often I am at the back and get to a circle that hasn’t been touched, it’s as pure as virgin’s a…hole!

Yeah, those FRB’s are selfish ba…..rds huh. Yeah, when you’re at the back and so far behind and you still have to search at the checks, you know it’s going to be a long, lonely hungry night.

Speaking of hungry, I see you turned up just in time Friday for the lasagna!

Yes, good timing! Actually I think lasts week’s run was bit expensive, everyone got stung!

On that note, thank you for being on the couch this week Malfunction.

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